i don't love life as much as i should
but i don't hate life either.

(don't ask this just came to my brain)

by the way, happy new year you fucks. i plan to welcome it very much asleep. gonna buy me some tylenol pm's for that purpose unless someone comes up with a better plan.

the dead flag blues

the dead flag blues by godspeed you black emperor!


the car's on fire and there's no driver at the wheel
and the sewers are all muddied with a thousand lonely suicides
and a dark wind blows
the government is corrupt
and we're on so many drugs
with the radio on and the curtains drawn

we're trapped in the belly of this horrible machine
and the machine is bleeding to death

the sun has fallen down
and the billboards are all leering
and the flags are all dead at the top of their poles

it went like this:

the buildings tumbled in on themselves
mothers clutching babies picked through the rubble
and pulled out their hair

the skyline was beautiful on fire
all twisted metal stretching upwards
everything washed in a thin orange haze

i said: "kiss me, you're beautiful --
these are truly the last days"

you grabbed my hand and we fell into it like a daydream or a fever

we woke up one morning and fell a little further down --
for sure it's the valley of death

i open up my wallet and it's full of blood

drunkenness

right now i'm trying to write something cohesive out of something that does not have any cohesiveness. i needed to get drunk, to let go, to fucking let chaos in. i need this entropy, this recklessness, this state that allows me to be both truthfull and potentially embarassing. i've been wound up tight. to tight. a fucking noose and after drowning round after round of liquid courage, i've found it to be liberating. to be the thing i just needed just to deal with all this nonsense. i might regret writing this words later when i'm more "logical" and "sane". right now, let me indulge myself. i might be coming home alone, but i don't care. i did it. pure fucking catharsis. thanks to my friends for bearing witness. i just wished i didn't spend the night alone....

this winter of my discontent

This winter of my discontent. Taking the good, the bad and the really fucking ugly. I could be worse. Some job prospects, but nothing, really. I'm getting a bit frustrated, but I gotta take the pressure. No choice in the matter, really. If this ain't the worse Christmas I've had in awhile, I don't know what is. Anyway, looking forward to better times ahead, and planning accordingly. Helped my former band manager move in to his new digs. That was a workout and a half. Came home drenched in sweat and exhausted. A cool shower and some sleep afterwards helped a lot. I've lost lots of pounds but I'm considering starting a workout to tone the muscles. That should keep me busy. Anyway tweaking with Linux from a cool app here from my laptop. Knoppix Linux and Debian rule so much it's not funny.

It's one of those days that it's so emotionally bleak for me. Even though I spent quality time with my best friend and helped him around and had lunch with him and his family. That part was good. When I get back to my own reality. So lonely. So bleak. So cold. I guess it's good when you are someone object of lust, affection. When you feel it. Coming down from that it's a bit hard. Broke. Lonely. I wish I could find some substitute. Something to feel the time. When you really want to be with someone just to feel them by your side. To hear them spin their tales, their narratives, to feel their kisses, their warmth, their longing. I wander the streets talking to my self daydreaming about past lovers, what if, making amends, wishing for one last time, one last kiss, one last word. Unfortunately those options are not available. I have to move on. See what tomorrow brings. Hold on.

Shit. Pathetic, innit?

required christmas reading

Somebody had the guts to actually say it in print. Here's the real meaning of Christmas. Courtesy of the Ayn Rand foundation. Thanks to Daryl for bringing this to my attention.

Merry Xmas To Friends and Family Who've Stucked Thru Thick and Thin. You're Never Out Of My Thoughts. Thank You. Blessed Be.

Note To Self #858792

Note To Self # 887589-T

The next time you see a female friend of yours high on a self-administered combination of drugs and beers in a nearly comatose state, do not worry and do not take care of her. Leave her to the fucking predators. She might mistake your caring attitude and the fact that you stayed with her all night to make sure she was ok, and then accuse you of taking advantage of her. It's not your business. After all, she was the one who took the drugs and drank the beer, right? Why should you bother? Why should you take care of her and tell her exactly what happened when she lost consciousness when she can later accuse you of doing something you wouldn't even consider doing? Even though you've taken care of lots of your other female friends and looked after them and hell, even their husbands trust you to go out with them. Oh no, you behave decently towards this person and the next thing you know, she might start accussing you of things you didn't do? Fuck it, next time I see this person passed out, leave her there. Don't bother. Let the fucking predators take her and do whatever they want with her. This person needs to grow the fuck up. I won't have anything to do with her. I've never ever in my life been treated with such disrespect. Such mistrust. Fuck!!!!!!!!!!! Oh well, that's what you get when you behave like a decent human being.

BTW Merry Xmas. I reckon this is my xmas present. Fuck!

Si es malo verte,
Peor es perderte.

music non-stop

Music Doth Soothe Thee Savage Beast. If not for Internet Radio, I'd be dead, or crazy or both. Dub almighty, pumped up trance, industrial, you name it. There to be listened. YAY!!!!!

tell me a beautiful lie

Tell me a beautiful lie
so I can believe it
Sell me the dream
the happy ending
The show
The sweetness of it
so good and light
and high
Ease my fears
Drown my nagging suspicion
Just let me hear that lie once again
So I can bask in it
for a little while
for another moment

Saving Citizen Daryl

Please help my friend Daryl realize his dream. I'd stay and fight for change, but Lord knows he's had enough.

what a way to start the week

so it's 1:24 and the calls comes through. the one i knew would come sooner or later with this girl. it doesn't hurt at all, because i knew there was no future. i rode the wave as far as i could. i leave her with a clean conscience.

more pictures

Eye candy from Pulsorock's 6th Anniversary Party at El Teatro here.

I Can't Get No Sleep. I Need To Sleep. Sleeping Is Optional.

Sleeping. Ah. Yeah. That. Really Optional these last few days, to be honest.
Had a surreal kinda blast last night at Pulsorock's 6th Anniversary Bash at El Teatro. Great music. Saw a lot of good people and finally got to meet one of the coolest people in the boards there. Actually met others as well.

I've been kinda harsh to the girl I'm seeing, and I apologize. I mean, she's a handle. Friday night I had to take care of her because she did too much of the things that cost you too much, if you know what I mean. Left kinda early and took her to a place so she could get some rest and get sorted. Fortunately it all went well and the next morning I was home. When she came to and I told her all the things that happened we laughed a lot and then we kissed for a long time. That was really cool and a great way to start your day.

I was having breakfast and about to go to bed when Daif called me to install some software in his machine. I went to his stepdad's business, took care of things and I think I might be onto some consulting gig. It took all day and almost missed Saturday night's date with the girl. Watched LOTR:Return Of The King with her and then we talked a lot about personal stuff. It was a nice long deep chat. We won't see each other physically until after Xmas but it was good. I don't know how long this thing will last, but it's interesting to see how things develop.

Last Nite pt 57893839

Last Nite Would Have Been A Little Bit Better, But Then Again...... Pt. 5789349303

For the record I did called the girl three times to see if she wanted to go out. No answer. She finally called 55 mins. later I left for Old San Juan with my friend Revkunin. Her loss.

I didn't manage to go to Santos' b-day bash because the person I was going with wasn't reachable. I did left a message though. Oh well.

Vic Vega and The Caligaris rocked Don Pablo. Looking forward to seeing them again this Saturday at Willie Wanker's Party

DJ Darknel ruled the decks on Lazer. I danced my butt off and the turnout was a bit better than the last time I went.

I drank a bit and was kinda very fucking horny, but dancing took my mind off the pursuit of the females. Anyway I was telling some jokes about it with Mhx, which was cool. Sexual frustration is always a good subject FOR ME TO POOP ON! No, sorry, actually it is a funny subject when you're a bit tipsy.

The Rev and I drove back home and talked a bit about women and it was cool. I hope he gets his girl. I hope I can enjoy whatever I have with this one I'm seeing. I don't think it will last at all, but hey.

Anyway today I got a job interview and later tonight I'll be going to Pulsorock's 6th Anniversary Party and make fun of all those wacky kids, drink, dance, and meet someone of the boards I've been looking forward to meet. Actually some people there are mad at me too and I expect to meet them as well. If one of them gets really stupid and tries to hit me, I'll look forward to that too. It would be very stupid for him to try, and I'm looking forward for him to be that stupid.

Have a great weekend you tossers!

patience, lack thereof and the return of the king

Patience, Lack Thereof and the Return of The King.

Maybe It's the age difference or it's the fact that I can't seem to trust anyone after what I've been through (except the fling with my ex. that went beautifully), but why do my dealings with this girl are exasperating. Yeah, I take part of the blame in one situation, but I'm not at fault at the rest of them. I don't think this has any kind of future, but let's see what happens. I've got a busy weekend and I plan to enjoy it regardless.

Well LOTR: Return Of The King was wonderfully. If it doesn't get Academy nominations for Viggo Mortensen, Ian McKellen, Elijah Wood, Sean Astin or the guys who played Merry and Pippin, I'll be upset. Peter Jackson's handling of the trilogy was superb. Had a great time. Regina my sister in law sent me a big bottle of Allure by Chanel. Great smelling cologne. Nice nice. Got the dole check sorted out and an interview tomorrow. Wheeeeeeeee!

Ok my favorite films of the year are:

LOTR: Return Of The King
Kill Bill
28 Days Later
Mystic River
Pretty Dirty Things
Ciudad De Deus

They all managed to be pretty interesting, great acting, solid scripts and good directors. Records maybe later.

So here's the schedule for the weekend:

Tonight - Vic Vega and The Caligaris @ Don Pablo, Cummunion at Lazer's, Santos B-Day Bash @ Moorings.
Friday - Pulsorock's 6th Anniversary Party and After Party
Saturday - Willie Wanker's B-Day Bash @ Vampire
Sunday - La Experiencia De Ton~ito Cabanillas live somewhere in Bayamon I think.

So it's the official pre Xmas party weekend. Woot!

prison bitch names

My prison bitch name is Skidmarks. Did someone look at my underwear? LOL

soledad

un vacio
un hueco adentro
un espacio
que solo llena
tu presencia
tu sonrisa
tus besos
tus caricias
heme aqui
en un mar de gente
y mi interior
vacio
deshabitado
esperando
tu presencia
y extran~ando
tu calor

Talking to some friends online. Writing rants on a friends page. Procastrinating and I have to go to the post office. Aaaaaaah.

The Big Comedown.

I hate weasels. Specially married weasels preying on single women. Specially callous married weasels preying on single women making them believe that they're single. Especially when those single women happen to be my friends. I love smashing their little world to bits. They deserve it because of their hipocrisy, the lies, the bullshit. Especially when the other one learns of it the hard way. Oh well, but that's just me.

The best kind of affairs

The best kind of affairs are the ones when you know it's gonna end. When you know there's no future, but the moments you choose to spend together. When you know there's nothing past what you have. My ex and I had a fling that started on Halloween and ended today. All mature. Professional. Surgical. No hard feelings. We're still friends. We knew what we were getting into and it's peacefully over. I just want her to know that I value her friendship and I wish her the best. Thanks.

Gaaaaaaaah. Ok I'm So Much Better Now

GAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Ok. I'm so much better now.
Emotional rollercoaster rides from love interests aside, yesterday I rehearsed with good ole Revkunin. More tunage and lunch with the guy. Came home wanted to go to a rave and got on the guest list......but........I DIDNT HAVE A FOOKIN RIDE!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAARGH OH THE HUMANITY!!!!!!! Anyway to add some more troubles to the ongoing struggle I typed the wrong command while updating my Linux distro on the laptop and had to reinstall the whole thing and download updates and whatnot. Somehow when I hit apt-get can't get to install gnome, but the rest of it went smoothly. And here we are.

Ok. I think I should sleep or something, right?

On Monday I'll have to deal with more bureaucratic madness regarding my dole check. Got some Xmas bonus money and half of it was spent two days ago, but it's all good.

Ok I really think I should get some sleep.

I wonder what the fuck is wrong with some people, really.

I wonder what the fuck is wrong with some people. Shit, I've heard of moodswings and chemical imbalance, but this girl takes the fucking cake hands down. Again, another silly argument. Fuck off girlie girl. I do not need your shit. Go find someone else and make his life miserable. Just not me sweetie.

I want to apologize to D and Iron. Sorry guys you caught me right after that little fracas and it wouldn't be fair to you to deal with me right then and there. My sincere apologies.

Aside from that saw Ongo and Ricanstruction last night at Bleacher's. Nice place and both bands amazing onstage. Intense.

One picture Is Better Than A Thousand Words

Well, the girl that had an argument with me called me and messaged me today to apologize. Glad that she saw the light. It's all good.

In other news, Just Read And Enjoy. Claymates and everyone who follows these American Idol and their assorted clones worldwide can burn in the deepest circle of hell, thank you very much. Triumph rules! Even when he disses my man Phillip Glass.

so why am i up posting here anyway?

last night went to two shows. one a tribute to sonic youth made by some friends. i wouldn't say that they actually covered sonic youth. more like a reference point, but it was fun nonetheless. then i met my ex and some friends for an 80's retro gothic kinda party, but someone should tell the promoter/dj that he needs to actually PROMOTE his party in order to get it full of people and that he needs to actually PLAN his DJ set so it has some sense of logic, speed, buids up and whatnot. at least i had fun among friends and then came home and chatted till 6:30 am. so why the fuck am i up posting here? dunno. i guess i can always go back to sleep. adam freeland and k-swing this saturday. if i can somehow accomplish to get some cash, i might go.

I haven't done this in a while so bear with me ok?

You are Rowlf.
You are a loner, and love classical music, You can
play the piano without opposable thumbs. Then
again, you are just a Muppet.

ALSO KNOWN AS:
Ol' Brown Ears
HOBBIES:
Piano playing, punning, fetching.

QUOTE:
"My bark is worse than my bite, and my piano
playing beats 'em both."

FAVORITE MOVIE:
"The Dogfather"

FAVORITE COMPOSER:
Poochini

FAVORITE SONG:
"I've Never Harmed An Onion, So Why Should
They Make Me Cry?"


What Muppet are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

"change the things you can
accept the things you can't
learn to know the difference"

- nick nolte as bob montana in "the good thief"

words to live by.

Tweaked things a bit so they are more palatable and make sense. So whaddaya think?

I decided to change the layout. Because I can.
I decided to tell a current love interest to fuck off. Because I can.
Actually she deserved it. I don't have time for her drama and her bullshit. I can have a difference of opinion on a lot of issues with anyone, but I guess my patience with 20 year old drama queens wears pretty thin pretty fast. Next!

BTW, Kelis' "Milkshake" is too hot for words, while Triumph The Insult Comic Dog's latest makes me wanna piss myself laughing. Just watch the video. Reminds me of the good ol' TV FUNHOUSE days. Sick but really funny.

it's weird today. i don't know. sort of sick. paranoid. tired. i don't know. can't pin it down. hopefully, it will pass. if not, i'll deal with it.

all the flesh and all it wants
the oldest dance of them all
my hands all over you
body to body
we give ourselves
to the moment
we throw caution to the wind
leave nothing behind
you're getting high on me
i'm getting drunk on you
it's not everyday
we make love like this
dawn takes me away
unwillingly
we'll meet again

There are things in this life I can't change and I have to accept them.
There are things in this life I can't accept and I strive to change them.

This year has been a nice litle rollercoaster ride, not unlike the last. I've loved. I've lived. I've gone thru hell and highwater. I've met some wonderful people. I've got rid of some ugly people. I've been hurt and I've got the scars to prove it. I 've had time to lick my wounds, to cry, to grieve the loss and the betrayal. I'm still here. I'm still standing. The Japanese have a saying: all debts whether of gratitude or vengeance, must be repaid. They're being paid as we speak. Some earlier than others. I'm grateful for those who are around after all this time, and all this crap. Thank you.

This is the reason why I love Debian. They're open, honest and yeah, they're free but also committed to make good work. Right now I got Knoppix instead of Mepis. Installed Vector Linux, a version of Slackware Linux, on a PC. Aside from that, had a blast Saturday at a friend's party and afterparty. Got home at 6 am. Woot!

dealing with thanksgiving's and last night's aftermaths. actually a really cool fucking show last night hit my label's site for details. came home really fucking tired but it was intense beautiful and gratifying. like sex, only better. time to get some of that stuff recorded for posterity.

When your life starts to resemble a cross between a Ricardo Arjona song and "Lost In Translation", what would you do? Happy Thanksgiving tomorrow you bastards.

So after 10 years of being together and 5 years of saying goodbye to each other, I've speaking to an ex girlfriend. Odd, innit? We ran into each other at a Halloween Party and all, and all is cordial and sort of friendly. She's crazy, still she learned a lot of things the hard way, and she's a good listener. I'm happy I ran into her. Aside from that, looking for a job.

Coincidences and causalities. The wheels turn and the ride gets really interesting. Lots of stuff happening as we speak. Details? Later. ;)

i just read the news on her blog, v's marrying her roommate. i just emailed her a note stating that if she was happy and it was a true choice, whom am i or anyone for that matter to stop her from being happy? i hope she's happy and things work out for her.

Not much to say these days. Everything's pretty much a lull. Except that today I had a nasty argument with my mother (again!) and we're not speaking to each other. Me? I'm enjoying the silence. I've had enough of her shit for quite awhile. She's such a conniving, manipulative person it's not even funny. I mean, man! Anyway, I plan to enjoy the silent treatment. Aside from that, not much going on, sorry.

Last night was good. Kitipri, Princess Pupup and me met at Casa Eggo's despite the rain and along with some friends watched some cool bands. Balloon. Los Sonidos Distantes and Coleco. The first two were amazing and it was funny to see some of the regulars there screaming and making asses out of themselves. I found the improptu breakdancing contest between some kid and a drunk guy in his forties particularly tasty and hysterical. Of course there was the drunk guy by the bathroom smiling at everyone's comments and the drunk guy who took care of the glasses and the bottles in his own special way. We had fun. Then we got a call from Eze who was with the radio show guys at Carmelo's apartment. I had to take Kitipri to see Vampire the local "goth" club so I skipped that. Aside from that, lots of fun. The evening would be perfect if I had someone to go to bed with, but hey, it was fun.

Ok I got a new job that at least I find rewarding until I get a better one. It pays the bills while I sort out a better job and that's how I see it. Meanwhile Daryl put me up to this and I'd say I'm seriously addicted to this. I've found a new timewaster. Anyway, here are the fruits of my labor there.
The Proposal The Hair Gel Incident Pt. 1 The Hair Gel Incident Pt. 2 Nasty Dump Babewatch
I' m URKEL!

Maybe I should submit them to Sundance and get a fat Miramax movie deal eh? ;)

Somehow, today, don't ask, this memory floats up and begs to be included here. Months ago, while I was working in the museum, I was in one of the museum's countless and endless social functions. They set up the first thursday of the month as a sophisticate meat market. Pay $6 to enter and whatever you drink and eat, watch the pieces, go oooh aaaah, keep up the pretense and bullshit and probably, maybe, meet someone you'd end up fucking later. Or something pathetic like that.

Anyway, I'm out there mingling with the customers, with my glass of wine, and then I saw her. Someone so beautiful. A goddess. I mean, so sublimely beautiful and gorgeous. Heart stopping. She looks like Nicole Kidman. Mind you, I don't fancy Nicole Kidman, really, even though I like her acting skills, but I never had the hots for her. This woman, though, damn. She was so strikingly beautiful my jaw dropped. I couldn't say anything to her because I was simply floored by her beauty. I managed to smile. She smiled back. I had to resume my duties, being that I was working and all, but the memory of that woman, that gorgeously beautiful woman stuck. I just had to share it with you.

In other news......

It's been raining nonstop. Just the way I like it. A couple more interviews this week and I have to go to the unemployment office. See if I can get any dole while I'm sorting out all these interviews. Not that I want to live on the dole, but I need some money to cover expenses while I look for another job.

I'm sorry that I wasn't able to make it to the show. I found out I had a stomach virus. The hard way. It pisses me off because I was looking forward to play. Fucking hell.

Sorry I haven't written much. Lots of things to do. Interviews. Paying bills. Shopping. Living life. I'd like to think that things are going underway, and they are. Still. You know how nonconformist I am. Yeah, that's the way I'm wired. Speaking of wired. Tonight I'm wired to the max getting the set together for tomorrow. I have no idea how it will translate. I have no expectations. I guess that's the way things oughta be. Tomorrow. Arecibo.

Rose made me do this. She scored 141. I scored 88.5 No cheating or we'll beat you up. Badly. Congratulate her on her wedding, or I'll beat you up. Badly. Miss my friend. Badly. Even though we speak on a daily basis.

Happy Halloween from me and Irtari @ Anthrax/Golpe Justo/Tavu/Vialterna Halloween Concert 10.31.2003. That and the John Digweed gig at Pier 10 were awesome. Details later. Meanwhile enjoy the picture below.

It's the best feeling in the world damnit. I'm glad it's back. Things seem to be starting and getting in shape. Yeah! :D

You are "The Bride", you're the women who
was screwed over by her friends and boss, Bill,
and you know seek revenge without any fear.


Which Kill Bill Character are you: Volume 1
brought to you by Quizilla

Weekend Update With Your Host....... Me.

Friday got Big Al out of the hospital drove him and his uncle to their homes, took the bus. Went home. Had dinner on Friday's because I deserve it. ;) Bought some mags. Went home.

Saturday watched Runaway Jury, really cool flick. Went to the radio station to promote an upcoming show. Angelito bought the 17 inch Mac laptop. What a sweet machine. Check it out here. Had lots of fun with the people there. Came home and downloaded Daryl's cool track "Complete Happiness". Fun and very cute sounding. Reminded me of early Art of Noise. Chatted with him for a while and also chatted with my friend.

Her roommate came home so she had to logoff and we call each other via cellphone. Had a long conversation and well I confirmed that we're seriously attracted to each other but we're taking it carefully. It's cool to feel good about someone again. To feel that life is somewhat good and that someone out there shares the same feeling. Lovely.

Also chatted with Rose. I hope her business takes off. I want to buy some scents off her.

Sunday. Got a job interview on Monday. Bring it On baby.

Elliot Smith died at 34. Deppression. Drugs. Suicide. He wrote two songs that I really like "Miss Misery" and "Needle In The Hay". Here are the lyrics for the second one.

Your hand on his arm
the hay stack charm around your neck
strung out and thin
calling some friend trying to cash some check
he's acting dumb
that's what you've come to expect
needle in the hay
needle in the hay
needle in the hay
needle in the hay
he's wearing yr clothes
head down to toes a reaction to you
you say you know what he did
but you idiot kid
you don't have a clue
sometimes they just get caught in the eye
you're pulling him through
needle in the hay
needle in the hay
needle in the hay
needle in the hay
now on the bus
nearly touching this dirty retreat
falling out 6th and powell a dead sweat in my teeth
gonna walk walk walk
four more blocks plus the one in my brain
down downstairs to the man
he's gonna make it all OK
i can't beat myself
i can't beat myself
and i don't want to talk
i'm taking the cure so i can be quiet
whenever i want
so leave me alone
you ought to be proud that i'm getting good marks
needle in the hay
needle in the hay
needle in the hay
needle in the hay

Aside from that woke up with a feeling of longing for this friend of mine that I'm talking to. She's really nice and sweet. I woke up today wishing she was here by my side. I mean I'm human and all, but the motive is not entirely sexual. I just wish she was by my side. That badly eh?

Anyway i'm off to see the doctor today and check out on my friend.

I haven't posted in days. I'm supposed to be looking for jobs but I've been busy helping a friend in need. Since early Monday Morning my best friend Big Al has been in the hospital. High blood pressure and an apendectomy. His girl doesn't know how to drive and his family rarely if ever, sees him. So I took it upon myself to make sure he's ok. Stay by his side. Things have been hectic and also another friend at my former job is being harassed by one of my former supervisors. She's documenting everything. I hope she has a case and sues the fuck outta them. V's going through some rough stuff as well. At least I still make her laugh. I'm just counting down the days until Halloween so I can party my ass off without a fucking care in the world. Meanwhile, I'm hanging tough.

28 Days Later in DVD rawks. Decent remake of the Texas Chainsaw Massaccre. Nothing like the original though, but man Jessica Biel's top should win an Oscar. Right.

Don't miss Mystic River. Looking forward to watch Runaway Jury because I've always wanted to see a movie with Gene Hackman and John Cusack.

Ok ramblers, let's get ramblin'.

Went out last night with Priscilla for some serious bar hopping, band watching, dancing and all-around mayhem. She's the ultimate and perfect clubmate. We drank, danced and had fun. Then we went to pick up her husband, who was taking pictures in a fancy posh hotel party. I really appreciate the fact that Mario thinks highly enough of me to know that I wouldn't do anything to his wife. Pri and I've been friends for ages and we've gone dancing together for as long as we've known each other. We had fun, watched this killer band called ExpLab. I think they've got some stuff at http://www.mp3.com/explab and they fookin' rock. Anyway, came home in the morning. Just woke up, so if you'll excuse me..........

there are some things i'd really would like to talk about, but these dont have to do with me, so i better keep them. i just hate it when things happen to people i care about.

Checking out dynebolic. A really cool GNU/Linux distro with a multimedia emphasis. Downloading it as we speak. Will tell you what comes out of it. Not using KDE or a Gnome OS, so it'll be an interesting learning curve.

Dreams. Desire. This heat. My sweat. Fever induced? Feeling her next to me. Naked. Savage. Building our rhythm. Inside her. Her wetness. Her taste. Her tongue, her neck, the smell of her hair. I feel it increasing until we both explode. We lose consciousness. Floating. Dream-like. I see the past. I see what could've been. I lose myself in those states. Anything but the present. Anything but here. Slowly I return. Very slowly. Best comedown I've had in a while. I glimpse at the future we've never had. Acceptance.
i....
wake......
up......

Being that since I'm supposed to be a media whore, here's some cross seling for you. So buy some music or visit our outlet hell for some cool articles so you can be all that you can be..... or something........

Surfing through Alleykat.net stumbled upon a little linkylink and I found out that:

"Your soul is worth £8524. For your peace of mind, 83% of people have a purer soul than you. Get your quote here. "

Um. So my soul is worth almost $17,000.00 US. Woot! Cash in now, honey. Cash in nowwwwwwwwwww. Cash in now babyyyyyyy.....

So this is the part when I'm feeling fine and I think, you know, that things are happening. Except on my job. I hate my job. I hate it even more when some bullshit from some stupid manager (not even my supervisor) doesn't allow me my fucking monthly bonus. Ok, so I just calmly wait for my supervisor to discuss the situation. He is fucking stalling. So I calmly get up from my desk, log out, get my ID badge and my headset and leave it with Mission Control. The poor girl gives me this look of "What Happened?". I tell her "It's not you, babe." Poor thing. She's cool and all that, but unfortunately I don't like getting paid for sitting down and hear people bitch and moan about their cellphone service without that extra incentive which is my bonus, in which I deserve every fucking penny of it. Fuck them up their stupid asses. Not me. Not in this life. Besides, with my skills I *know* I'll make my paper in no time. Fuck it.

Anyway, besides that little incident, I'm happy. Am I in a manic state? Nah. It's just this thing with my friend. She cheers me up. Very much so. I look forward to see her on Halloween. Yeah.

BTW Happy Dia De La Raza aka Columbus Day aka some weird Italian Guy in some Spanish Ships Came, Took Over, Killed The Natives, Stole The Gold and then some other Italian guy got all the territory he "discovered" named after him. Or something.

It also happens to be my parent's anniversary. 37 years. Damn.

Oi! Got some good news from Garageband. Go to http://www.rojoynegro.tk to find out damnit!!!!!!!

aside from remembering my exchange with the good doc on friday and learning about my friend, i'm kinda happy now. at least content. i can breathe easier. talking to a friend whom we've been friends for a while now. she's brilliant. doing her practice in a hospital. she also lives on the other side of the island, but we've never met in person and she's probably coming over to the area in halloween. our little tete a tetes and phonecalls are funny. we like each other, but we're taking it real slow. i don't have any expectations except for good conversation and good company. one can always hope for the best, but these things take time. i don't want to blow it. she makes me happy and laugh. that's good enough for me these days. she's a breath of fresh air. i like that. i can only be hopeful, do right. then again, hope is my heroin.

reading v's blog. i hope she's fine. i'll check and see how she's doing. she's a really cool kittycat and i wish her the best.

what can i say? went to the doctor's and starting to get into a nice little regimen to take care of things. rain pouring down non-stop in the last 48 hours. heard some bad news about one of my friends. there's a monkey on his back and it won't let go. fuck. but he's the only one capable of getting out of his hole. i just want to be there for him and help him, but can only get rid of that particular monkey. godspeed.

starting to produce a radio and a website for a friend. let's see how we can do this, but i'll be getting a new computer on this deal. let' work it out.

zonkboard being no longer free, so adios zonkboard.

if i could get a little sleep everything would be just perfect. the day went down fast and i made some good calls today. if everyday went like that except my days off, i'd be a very happy camper. aside from that, checking out some stuff and going to the doctor's next week.

Hi. Changed the Linux distro on the computer to Mepis Linux. Why? Well it joins Morphix and Knoppix in ease of use but the clincher here is the ease of communication, let's just leave it at that. Also this one is more secure, so that's cool too. Find it at http://www.mepis.org

Finally got around to watch the Scarface DVD. Pristine. Beautifully restored. So I can see Al Pacino cuss his heart out in full color.

Tomorrow I'm going to visit a doctor to basically take care of some issues. Also gonna check out those volunteering opportunities. Make myself useful.

I guess I should cut my hair and my beard......naaaaaaah fuck it. Interesting opportunity to work with one of my buddies on his multimedia onslaught. Wheeeeeee!

Aside from that, I'd rather enjoy what's left of my two days off.

last night i witnessed one of the best shows in my life. at least in puerto rico.
the mars volta played last night and oh, it was beautiful. fucking prog rawk for the 21st century devoid of pretention. 5 guys playing their hearts out with wild abandon. they sure played. it was good, awesome, terrific.

and scarface is out on dvd, you fucking cockroackes.

angst
angst against this inertia
this boredom
this routine
this.....
righteous anger
the kind that i need to get up today
and face whatever the day brings
in a way i'm tired and weary
and somedays i don't even want to get up
but i have to
i must
otherwise, there's no point in breathing
marylin manson said he doesn't have enough middle fingers
me neither
and i don't have mouth big enough to scream and to puke into this world
never mind.
mondays..........

system status
256 mb ram
801 mhz celeron processor
internal cd burner (more like a cd rom as far as i'm concerned)
30gb hd (double partition win2k and debian linux)
external cardbus to usb2 hub
usb 1.1 hub
external 80 gb hard drive
external 52x burner (lovely)
internal 56k modem/ethernet card
external 56k modem (for linux)
external dsl modem
nice little firewall/antivirus fuck you very much
myie2 browser (win)
mozilla browser (linux)
kindacheap printer i rarely use but it's there

yes, i'm bored. need to know anything else? ;)

i'm at a crossroads, in a manner of speaking.
i feel that the way things are, this life is not fulfilling.
i got a job that pays the bills, but i'm not at the level i feel i should be.
in fact, it's all becoming mundane, routine. nothing special.
change is needed.
or at least something that can fulfill me.
something useful. something worthy and practical.
something to show for and something that doesn't only fulfill me. others as well.
i was seriously considering researching for humanitarian work. my condition kind of prevents me of doing some of it.
reading mister ducky/s blog, i might research into volunteering.
the idea is noble and let's research if it's doable. i need to make some good in this world. help someone else. doing that, i'll help myself as well. let's see how this develops.

i was thinking of posting some stuff about "all that could've been" regarding my life story, but i won't dwell in the past. gotta look forward.

yesterday i became the proud uncle of twin babies. a boy and a girl. i'm so proud of my younger bro and wish him and his family the best. i do miss him.

friday. bills paid. a usb 2 card that actually works and watching "the order". it was ok. need to shave and get a haircut. aside from that, downloaded and testing morphix. definetely the linux distros that ze laptop loves are knoppix and morphix. also slackware-live but with that ze laptop needs to use ze external mouse.

home at last, damnit. watching some movies. checking some of the stuff around. keeping tabs with friends, talking to v., trying to be supportive as i can. aside from that, trying to distract myself as much as i can.

new versions for knoppix and slackware-live (see links at your right) distros out two days ago. downloaded and tested. installed this new version of knoppix on the hard drive with their new install script. worked well and so far so good. if you're interested in linux hit linux.org and check out their free online course linux for beginners. very informative and good reading. also checkint out morphix distro. so far, i would heartily recommend the following distros:

knoppix
slackware-live
gnoppix
mandrake

actually knoppix is the one residing on the laptop because it manages to recognize a lot of my hardware. it's the ideal version for me but there are plenty of distros to choose from, so check em out.

v. called and i had to cut it short due to the fact that i was eating and trying to sort out a problem. tried to call her back but she wasn't available. hope she wasn't mad at me or something. no i wasn't mad at you either. bloody cellphone had also reception problems. sorry.

Blame Alleykat for pointing me out to this: ;)

What Is Your Battle Cry?

Rampaging out of the mountains, clutching a sharpened screwdriver, cometh Popu! And he gives an ominous howl: "I'm going to exfoliate you to the bone!"

Find out! Enter username: Are you a girl, or a guy ?

created by beatings : powered by monkeys

Finally got Linux here. Got Knoppix installed in the laptop and it's working even better than Mandrake Linux. It's so cool. Now if I can get the modem working, it'd be beautiful. I have the external modem connected so it should work beautifully.

watched "underworld" and "dirty pretty things" in the last 48 hours. underworld's alright. dirty pretty things was brilliant. a lot of self analysis these days and definitely it looks like i'm gonna become the angry crazy codger. pretty much alone in the world, but i'd rather stay that way than deal with any more drama and bullshit. looking for another job. swear to god, next one won't have anything to do with customer service or dealing with people. sick of it. aside from that finally bought a replacement for my external drive and managed to back it up as well. so i'm happy. for now.

saturday was so beautiful, i could've died then and there. dancing, reunited with friends, good libations, good vibes, killer djs. it was gorgeous and gourgeousity like alex would say. too bad about the heat but i'm used too. bringing out the funk with a vengeance. literally.

been sick yesterday and today. stomach bug. and i got to witness the singular beauty and surrealness of a full blown car crash. this jerk was speeding all the way, didn't manage to hit a car pulled to the left and then a hard right to go right past the red light, but the fucker didn't count on the laws of physics and the car turned over and crash. nasty one. did i happen to mention that the fucker almost hit me as well? i dialed 911 and some people went over to check on the driver but i was on my way to work so I did my part. still it was surreal to see that jeep flying thru the air and crashing.

yes, i'm pretty numb and casual about it. in a way, that's scary but the guy was speeding.

got linux running in a partition in the computer. whenever i get the fucker to work with a modem, that will be the day. heh.

johnny cash died. my heroes are dropping off the face of the planet.
well, at least the pixies are back! but the man in black will be sorely missed. at least he'll be in heaven with "one thousand million angels singing" at his side. rest in peace.

had a nice chat with v. a few hours ago. i hope she manages to accomplish her goals. best of luck.

yeah it's been two years since everything changed. two years since i last spoke to the love of my life and never heard from her again. i hope she's fine wherever she is. still miss her.

not much to say except that i've got a new burner. external so finally i can finally get some of that lovely stuff on cd form. like other os's basically to experiment.

dealing with the new version of knoppix live linux. definitely this one still rawks. i love it. seriously considering whether to repartition the hard drive on my computer in order to have it permanently, but definetely the charm lies on an installation on a cd that needs no partition. sweet.

planning, plotting, pondering, much ado about.........

anyway, i'm doing fine in my job according to my bosses, but i don't see myself doing what i currently do for an extended period of time. there's so much shit i can take, and i don't need any more thrown in my lap. let's see what the future brings.

meanwhile, aside from that, i stopped making plans. long range. thinking short term reachable goals. something i can accomplish. once those are established maybe i'll get back to long range planning. right now i want to take each day on it's own and enjoy the moment. zen-like.

yeah, i'm difficult, weird, strange, sometimes paranoid, sometimes too careful, sometimes too careless and daring. well, that's me baby. you can take it or leave it. i stopped being accomodating a long time ago. lot of good it did.

thanks rose for being there. thanks mari for looking out. thanks big al for your friendship and our tete a tetes. thanks to mista ducky for writing his heart out and making me think, laugh and cry in the same paragraph. thanks v. for your voice and your wiiiiiiiiii and your gay obssession and the method to your 'madness'. thanks to the ones that stick around, that are true to themselves, that can dish it out and take it. the ones that are not afraid to be honest. i love you all. you make life worth living. i might not say it, but i freaking mean it. love the lot of you.

fucking hell. warren zevon dies. the good ones leave and we're stuck with the mediocre moronic ones. not fair. my heroes are dead or dying.

well after too much thought and after failing to reach her so many times i had sort of a long talk with v. i decided to break up on friendly terms with her. she's too busy trying to sort out her life, i'm busy with mine, but basically i think having a relationship does not fit her particular set of priorities. god knows she's getting too much flak from school and work. i felt like a 5th wheel really so i told her i want to end this. i told her i wanted to end it in friendly terms and i guess that's the general understanding of it. i gave it an honest try and i guess it ran it's course. too fucking bad. move on. i'm not mad, nor hurt. frustrated, maybe, but i gave us an honest shot. too bad things got too busy. oh well, like the cure sang, "another girl, another name".

in other news some people feel entitled to show up their faces when the door was slammed in them due to their lack of integrity, honesty, etc. etc. etc. now they feel entitled to demand things from me. excuse you, FUCK YOU! in big bold capital shiny letters. go back to the whole you crawled from, you piece of shit. don't even think you've got any rights. you forfeited those with your treachery you maggot.

ok, i feel so much better now. closing chapters in my life. let's look for openings.......

angst.
torpor.
inertia.

i think i saw a column with that name somewhere in a maximumrockn'roll once. still, it's a great description of my internal landscape. those three words and my choice of working hours pretty much sums up my exile from any social interaction of late. i don't think i don't have the patience and the energy to deal with pettiness, shallowness, ignorance from people. i don't have the stomach to take in shit from so-called friends. in these moments you truly know where your friends are and the ones who actually bother are much appreciated. shit, i know people have their own set of problems too, so that's not a biggie.

i guess it also explains why i haven't even bothered to shave and get a haircut. i should, though, but i don't even bother. i need rest and i'm getting it. i need a social life, but it definetely has to be on my terms. i'm keeping in touch with the few people that matter in this life, V. and I haven't seen each other for weeks and with her current situation, at least I give her a phonecall or an email, I hope it helps. I'm just being philosophical about this because damned if I ever am going to waste my time on self-pity and depression.

having said that, the idea of being one of the few people truly alive and human in a land infested by zombie like creatures really appeals to me. 28 Days Later anyone? As in said movie, not many of the remaining uninfected humans are particularly sane but in my case I'm working on it. Sometimes keeping your sanity and cool is just half the struggle, but I'm getting there. I'd like to think that I don't want too much from life, but then again, in a way you have to be ready for it if you want it. Right now there are things that I want in my life and unless I change my current circumstances, I won't get them. I'm also working on that. No one said that reaching for truly worthy things in life was going to be easy. The struggle is hard. The struggle is beautiful. Killing Joke got that one down pat.

In the computer front, yes Knoppix still rules. Got also Slackware Live which is very nice. Downloading SUSE and SkyOS live cd distros to check them out. Keep in mind that SkyOS is another type of OS different from Linux. Might take a peek at FreeBSD just to check it out properly. Yes, my name is Jose and I am a geek. Fuck off!

I don't know if any of the above made any sense, but being that this is my place to rant, rave and pretty much blow up some steam, it will have to do.

Cheers!

well september comes with a new shift. thursday and friday off what more can i ask? finally got to see 28 days later. not bad at all. i liked it. big al didn't. oh well. ;) aside from that i'm considering doing a remix for some friends of mine and not much at the moment. i can finally get some sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

too much things on my mind of late up to an including:

johnny cash - i know, mtv is hip on the man in black, wootpy fucking doo but i got two songs of his in heavy rotation on my mind for a few weeks now. scary. then again he's in that cool redneck category where billy bob thornton and les claypool are so.......

knoppix linux live cd - amazing shit. one of the two linux distros (aside from mandrake) that i've been able to run and no hassle. this one actually rocks more because..... LOOK MA! NO PARTITION!!!!!!!!! ftp'd this bugger, burn it in a cd, slap it in the cd drive at boot and voila! here's linux. i love the technology curve.

sleep or lack thereof.

sex or lack thereof.

missing V. terribly. i didn't get to see her on Friday because her meet was rescheduled.

new schedule. wheeeeeee!

got some killer dvd's real cheap. more to come.

bleah!!!!!!!!!!

In which I got a new shift, spent several days reprogramming ze laptop from the ground up again. Nothing serious, just got a really good price for a 30 gig HD for it and hell, it's more space. So ze laptop is agile mobile hostile and lots of memory to spare. Wheeeeeeee. I'm sorta burning out here but it's all good.

So.......
I miss V. lots. Hopefully I'll see her this week.
and.......
I HAVE A SOCIAL LIFE!!!!! New shift starting next week Thursdays and Fridays off. Joy!
Aside from that I need some more sleep. As always. ;)

Just when I thought Thursday was shitty, I get an email notifying me of the death of Wesley Willis. It's sad to see someone like him just go. The good die relatively young and the rest of us stay here dealing with it. Jello Biafra made a great eulogy at his label's site. MTV put up the usual blurb. All I know that Mista Ducky got me into his works and not only found him funny, but amazing and inspiring as well. I hope he's storming heaven and rocking the house in a funride over there. Rock Over London, Rock On Chicago. Rest In Peace, Wesley. You bought a lot of laughter into my life. Take care.

i just want to say that i'm pretty pissed off at the moment and i want to apologize to rose but i think right now in my life what i need is to act about what's going on instead of talking about it. talking is always good, but right now i need to get some plans in motion.

watched "League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen". it's not as bad as i thought, but yeah compared to the comic it's rather weak. can't wait to see "28 Days Later" next week

not much to say really. not much time to do things i want because both my parents are sick. aside from that, not much to tell. any morbid introspections are saved when i actually have time for morbid instropections. ;)

Things To Ponder While You're Recording A 4 Hour Movie

Well, I just bought a nice little book on how to learn Linux and it includes Red Hat Linux 9. I had Mandrake before but in a way, it was easy to install but I changed my mind about it. Anyway, I want to install on the laptop and I have several choices:

Erase everything on the hard drive, partition, re-install Windows XP and Red Hat.
Same as before but install Windows 2000.
Save some money and buy a bigger hard drive for this and then have 2 giant partitions

If I do steps 1 or 2, I'd be inclined also to partition also the portable drive as well.

I could just wait until I have the money to get the hard drive, but I wanna find out.

Of course I could just go to sleep and wake up when the movie's over. LOL.

In other news, spoke to V. Always making her laugh. At my own expense. :) Her fetishes worry me though. :p

Fuckin' Hell!

Yesterday some cities in the Northeast went without power. Then I see one local band who actually deserves all the fame and fortune they've got because they work hard for it, in a Taco Bell cup. To end my evening or actually start my Friday, I watch Gaspar Noe's "Irreversible". The unrated version. This movie fucking blew me away. I kinda was prepared for it because of the reviews and the subject matter. Still it did a number on my psyche. Time Destroys Everything, indeed.

Oh and my lovely girlfriend, ah! Nevermind. She's having fun at my expense again. Let her. LOL.

Spent this last few days cleaning my virtual house. Deleted a lot of unnecessary stuff and files and backed up the rest. Want to turn this one into a lean mean fighting machine. Checking out the budget to upgrade the hard drive. Turning this mutha upside down. Also bought myself some books to take care of my brain as well. Gonna teach myself some new sets of skills.

Aside from that, my ex haunted my dreams again and thank god for V. being there. My heart's with V. totally, no doubt, but my subconscious tries to fuck with my perceptions every now and then, even when I realize it's just a dream. Fucker's gotta realize that some things are left in the past and even though i hate loose ends, unless a major thing happens, that one stays that way. Somethings you can sort, others unfortunately can't be sorted out.

Here I am sleepless again, bit restless, but nothing serious. I just want to get some more dough to upgrade the harddrive so I can partition it and then run two OS's from the machine. Patience, grasshopper. Good things come to those who wait, and all that.

Returned the favor to Big Al and his girl. Lovely bunch those two. Gotta love them. Helped Carmelito get back online. Installed him a browser and a firewall. Gotta install him a decent antivirus. Getting helped and helping people. Always good to have good karma to spread around. Get the universe on one's side everynow and then, and it feels warm, good and gooey inside. LOL.

Watched SWAT today, Pirates of the Caribbean yesterday. Nothing deep. Good to kill a couple of hours and entertaining. Tomorrow I look forward to get Gaspar Noe's "Irreversible". That one's gonna pack some punch and I better be ready if it is what they say it is.

Wishing V. here, as always.

So I'm almost ending my shift on Monday ready for my two days off when it hits me. My stomach hurts like hell. My bile is rising. I know what's coming and I don't want to make a mess. Although truth be told if I was gonna barf, it'd be nice to barf all over the workplace to shock and fuck with people, but that was the last thing in my mind. I wouldn't mind doing that, but for the fact that I had to drive home and that was not a pretty prospect.
So I talk to my boss, he lets me go, I get my things and get the fuck outta Dodge. I drive and my full blown paranoia sets in. I don't want to puke while driving. So I drive as fast and as carefully as I can. Not much traffic at midnight so I make it home. I gather my supplies and wait for it. Gaviscon, Pepto Bismol. A bucket and mop just in case. I try to lie down but my stomach won't let me. Pain is coming, I want to puke but my body won't let me just yet. Then.........
I look and felt like Linda Blair in the Exorcist. Messy shit but at least it's all on the right place. After puking my guts off, I down some Gaviscon and it's working finally. The mess in the stomach settles down and things get quiet enough for me to.......
Then I had a case of the runs. It's cool. I can handle those. It keeps me up all night but It's nothing to worry about. Take care of those. Wait till the sun rises. I drink enough water to avoid dehydration. I go to bed and try to sleep. Of course, I never sleep so here I am writing. I'm much better and now at least I can eat something. Supposedly I'm getting the money I'm owed from the bank tomorrow. Fingers crossed. Cancelled my appointment with the dentist until next week and I have to set up an appointment with my other Dr. to take care of my blood sugar levels.

Gross, wasn't it?

sunday and i'm broke and i'm restless and my bank owes me money damnit. but i'm agile, mobile and very fuckin' hostile. and you're not. ;)

Saturdaaaaaaaaaaaaaay
Ok. So after spending ane evening with V. and most of today I realize I'm broke. I get very fucking angry and then it hits me. I have to check with ze bank. Ze bank's system's are unavailable. Knee deep in Shit Creek. Call up Al who lends me some quid to eat and to pay for gas for ze Vmobile. I eat something and then while I'm trying to find out why, I see a package in my bed. Yes, the battery and the memory. So once again, I'm agile, mobile and hostile. At least the laptop is, and now with MORE MEMORY! LOL

Yes and even though ze tooth was removed, the area still bothers me a bit. At least it's not as painful now.

Tooth removed. The wonders of novocaine. If I was an addict, that'd be my drug of choice. Not feel anything at all. Aside from that it's really hot down here and I'm happy. Looking forward to see V. Friday. Might go out tonight being Noche de Galeria. Dunno yet. Probably will create some stuff tomorrow. Aside from that, the work situation is settled. Got some interviews coming so my schedule will be busy.

These past few days been very busy at work saving some money, paying debts. Taking care of stuff. Sleeping. Finally two days off tomorrow. Will take care of ze troublesome tooth and pay my dsl bill. Sleep. More sleep. Damnit. Sleep.

I think therefore I am, therefore, today I am a cyborg. Assimilated. Using of my nicks, Mr. Something and using this lovely generator, I discovered my true nature. As in:
Mr. Something aka M.R.S.O.M.E.T.H.I.N.G.: Mechanical Robotic Sabotage and Observation Machine/Electronic Technician Hardwired for Infiltration and Nocturnal Gratification

Resistance is futile. You will comply.

End of transmission.

V. Here's Something for you:

Irving Berlin - Always

Intro:
Everything went wrong,
And the whole day long
I’d feel so blue.
For the longest while
I’d forget to smile,
Then I met you.
Now that my blue days have passed,
Now that I’ve found you at last -
{end intro}


I’ll be loving you always
With a love that’s true always.
When the things you’ve planned
Need a helping hand,
I will understand always.

Always.

Days may not be fair always,
That’s when I’ll be there always.
Not for just an hour,
Not for just a day,
Not for just a year,
But always.

I’ll be loving you, oh always
With a love that’s true always.
When the things you’ve planned
Need a helping hand,
I will understand always.

Always.

Days may not be fair always,
That’s when I’ll be there always.
Not for just an hour,
Not for just a day,
Not for just a year,
But always.

Not for just an hour,
Not for just a day,
Not for just a year,
But always.

the irony of it all. mike skinner is so damn right.
i didn't sleep at all last night so after sleeping part of the day, i finally get up, in time to see ze dentist. i'm ready for the process and ready to get that tooth outta my mouth for good. x-rays are done and it's gotta go. but.......
i have to wait for a week. there's swelling so the dentist writes me a prescription for some antibiotics and painkilllers. ah, fate has a sense of humor. i talk to v. on the phone and we talk about films, how different the league of extraordinary gentlemen film is from the comic, how she doesn't like hugh jackman as wolverine, i like him but i say, who do you want? danzig? it was a fun conversation and i made her promise to make a list of films she has to watch so i'm working on that. right now i'm chatting with her, so if you'll excuse us.....

well my relationship with v. is going well. work is alright. creating some stuff. aside from that, watching movies and taking care of a tooth. tomorrow to the dentist. damn, i'm hungry and i want to watch some movies.

more work, downloading some stuff, routine routine, cheering up v., shaved my beard, loving her for keeping me sane, watching some films at home, paying bills, but mostly routine. it's a lull.

work, toothache, work, no i'm not mad at v., work, did i say work? i got an unexpected surprise in form of a check that's coming in the mail. that, the extra memory and the battery will get me mobile. up next, maybe a new removable hard drive or a computer. mebbe.

Ok I haven't blogged in a few days because I've been busy with work and got with V. It was beautiful. Here are some pictures of Saturday's show.

Speaking of comebacks, well since everyone and their mother is making a reunion these days, why not them? *shudders*

And now for something completely different.

Ok so things were not quite nice, nor good on the sentimental front, but.... V. and I are speaking to each other again. There's lots of stuff to sort out and even though we agree that there's possibilities of us being together, the details have to be taken care of. Yeah, I might be a bit harsh, but she understands where I come from. I don't want to spoil it, but at least for now we're speaking to each other and talking and communicating. I believe communicating being the key word here. I'd rather discuss things than argue, but we're talking about two people who are very passionate about their beliefs.

Yeah and for the record, my words were harsh, but it's because I am honest. Brutally so.

On ze gig at the National Tattoo Convention, go here and find out how it went.

Have a great weekend!

Definitely this is the year of the comeback:

The new albums by Killing Joke "The Death And Resurrection Show" and Jane's Addiction "Strays" rock. These two and Ministry's "Animositisomina" are in constant rotation in my player. Fucking amazing!

Buy them now!

aside from working on the show on saturday, not much really. work and music keeping me real busy and that's good. enjoying these past two days inmensely. good things will come from it. i could use a bit more sleep though. ;)

if you think i'm angry, you better rent punch drunk love. this one's hilarious. black humor at it's best.

Ok here's our weekly installment of fun with referrals! Here we go......

disparando con sonica - really cool local compilation. grab a copy if you can find it.
cojoba blog - they have a webpage not a blog, you idjit.
vindictive - me? vindictive? naaaaaaaah.
why are women vindictive? - the same reason men are vindictive?
vindictive husband pictures - i haven't married yet. LOL.
are you angry quizzes - grrrrrrrrr..... LOL
mazukamba - killer local band. sort of sepultura/soulfly
heinrich fuchs - ?????
frecuencias del f.b.i puerto rico - ?????
jan stevenson lpga picture - female golfers rawk!
a cool blog
wish you were here traduccion - what do you think this is? a pink floyd site?
traduccion de canciones de the white stripes - de ella yo me enchule......
mp3 kabezudos - not here buddy boy.
arnold schwarzeneger pictures - he's back
ga "show-up pay" - ????
i love this blog's design. outstanding.
superaquello - really cool local band.
is daniel ash married, kids? - i don't know. go ask him in his site. all i know is that he rocks.
fuck faq woman pics - um not here.
Birthday's clowns in Chicago, IL - LOL so you want to celebrate my birthday in Chicago?
"icaro azul" mp3 - you want some? go get some then.
miss Venezuela FUCK - um well, go get her then.
Ashmole school is shit - is it?
email address of jerry white in kentucky usa from 2002 to 2003 - whave you find it yet?
another cool blog.
ways to be vindictive - there's this way and that way and the other way.
ladies beat - violent femmes eh?
hungarian synthpop - that one's interesting.
you broke my heart messages - seen lots of those of late. hmmmmmm.
robert trujillo pictures - you pervs!

there's so much shit one can take
especially when one's not responsible for any of it.
and i'm sick of dealing with double standards
of people who don't appreciate
genuine honest selfless gestures
had enough of those who don't have the will to change
the will to improve,
the courage to take control of their own lives
i'm not easy
i'm hardly innocent
i ask too much of the people i love
because i ask that much of myself as well
i give everything and i want everything in return
so i leave to wallow in your own filth
your own devices
your hell, your prison
and i wash myself clean
as of today, i'm single again.
freedom never felt so good.

i love you
love is hard work
the best thing about an argument
is making up
it's hard sometimes
and i'm no easy street
but i love you
and i believe in us
and i believe in you

Met V. for pizza yesterday. She's been having a tough time at work and I'm trying to be as supportive as I can. Had a minor traffic accident. I'm fine. This guy wants to file a police report but when we actually goes to the station backs off. He has until today to file it. Went to the police station myself this morning to explain the situation, but the policewoman explained that both parties need to be there. It's in this person's best interest to file it, but if he doesn't show up, oh well. At least there's a record that I was there. Anyway, lots of things on my mind and I wished I was with V. right freaking now. Now back to the daily drudgery. :)

Coding some stuff. Watching and recording some videos and pics. It's so boring these days. V. might show upon Friday. Looking forward to that. At least manage to do something in the coding department. Too hot. Not much motivation. Gah.! At least V. keeps things interesting.

Well not much going on this side of the fence. Watched T3 yesterday. It was entertaining. Lots of work. Missing V. Getting ready for the 19th.

so i should sleep. maybe. maybe not. ;)

fun with keywords. (rebuilt damnit)

1. descojon urbano - That was my band from 1991-1994. you can find some stuff here. Go forth and buy some.

2. chess tesis education - "THIS IS CHESS MOTHERFUCKER! THIS AIN'T CHECKERS!" - Denzel Washington in "Training Day"

3. a blog.

4. another blog

5. "equal opportunity employment" bullshit - ooooooook

6. 15 anyos rings - 15 year old webrings? ok some pervert is looking for something. get the shotgun.

7. britney sprint imagenes - Make up your mind willya? Are you looking for Britney Spears or Sprint images? I guess he likes to mix telecommunications companies with pop stars.

8. living with a vindictive boyfriend - I think you should ask V about that.

9. none dare call it a conspiracy - Conspiracy A Go Go Baby!

10. pictures A bunch of computer shit busted in an earthquake - Does it gets your rocks off? *shudder*

11. panoptika musica - If it's the PR band, they rock.

12. sleazy motel puerto rico - What? what? i don't know of any sleazy motels here! no sir! honest!

13. aylk - Whatta bunch of fuckheads! Gotta love them! Menudopunk at it's best!

14. allegory + "satanic verses" - The last thing i need is the Ayatollah's hit squad on my tail ok?

15. zeta sexual persona - Yes. That's me.

16. " sorry mother... "eminem" - i didn't mean to hurt you either.

17. "cannot forgive" "kate bush" - I can forgive Kate Bush because she hasn't wronged me, but I can't forgive Tori Amos for making a cheap imitation of Ms. Bush.

18. I need email cheli & Co - I haven't heard from her and even then, I think I better ask her before giving it to you. LOL.

19. binlarden - Ok let me say it once last time: It's Osama Bin Laden you idiots! No he's not here.

20. idle wild, nyc 1948 - That was a good 20 years before my time. Fuck off!

21. insomnia faithless ol skool - Is that old school? Damn, I'm getting old.

22. song texts corrine, corrina - Why?

23. angry people pics - Grrrrrrrrrrr. Happy now?

24. why are you angry - Because of your stupid questions?

25. "birthday girl" song lyrics - Why?

26. zeus's girl - Actually he had several.

27. cojoba - local PR punk band. rawk!

28. alexander gudonov+witness - good movie.

29. "Robert Trujillo" + peru - He's in Metallica now, didn't you hear dude?

30. golpe justo - the best hardcore band in PR. Period.

31. Hello there!

32. Mrs+Mijtus+had+had+enough+of+her+husband's+strange - I can't make any sense of this.

33. kabezudos - Are the Kabezudos De Villa Abajo back? Hmmmmmmm.

34. castin para el miss teen venezuela - Miss Venezuela Teen Casting?

35. godspeed you black emperor arrested in oklahoma - O'er the land of the freeeeeeeeee and the home of the braaaaaaaaaave. Blame Canada!

36. fuck you all angry style - It's FAQ YOU! Yes we're still angry.

37. chotte 1928 - That was 40 years before I was born.

38. death of actor marshall thompson - *looks at audience*

39. fun and angry pictures - Check the pictures links to your left and then get back to me.

40. another blog

41. good away messages for when you r upset for aim - How about FUCK OFF?

42. another blog

43. sean comb's address - Oh this is the White Pages now.

44. ex's pictures - I have them and you don't.

45. lyric+falling for you+jaime rivera - What?

Ok. Here's to next week's installment. Now bugger off!

At V's House. Beautiful. Gorgeous. Quality Time. The only time I feel completely serene, at peace, at home. Mmmmm. Yummy. Ok enough blogging for today. Gotta make the best of it.

ok so i came home yesterday quite early from work. my stomach's a mess. i should've stayed but i couldn't take it running to the bathroom. somehow my mind was straight enough to drive home even in rush hour traffic so i made it home, went to bed and actually slept for quite a while. i feel better now and i'll spend some quality time with lovely v.

an anniversary of sorts is coming this weekend. it's been years ever since but i still can't get it off my mind. a reminder of the crazy things we do for love. oh well. anyway, i should get some more sleep. take care y'all.

There's a storm in heaven, but hopefully we'll manage. Relationships are lots of work., but it's worth it. It just drains me.

Well lots of work going on. Also bought some new gadgets for the laptop. Mobile and wireless. It's cool. Missing V. a lot I just wished we could see each other more frequently but we got our lives to live. Anyway hopefully I'll see her Tuesday and Wendesday. Sunday. Ach. I don't know. Need to sleep more.

more fun with keywords:

1. a picture of asorma binlarden. >>> was he looking for a picture of osama bin laden? or someone else?
2. bacardi silvers >>> a good drink. mmmmmm.
3. pernell roberts and coworkers. >>> huh?
4. willie wanker >>> well that's the nick of one of my friends but lo and behold, there's a porn flick with that name too.
5. pink cellphone >>> oh no. the pink cellphone strikes again!!!!!!!!
6. ze germans come >>> i'm sure they do. LOL
7. Pictures of Cowboys Nightclub in Arlington, TX >>> huh? pt. 2
8. working with a vindictive boss >>> hmmmmmm. you too?
9. mario panoptika >>> good pal. great band.
10. super conductores electronicos >>> electronic superconductors. well we're a high-tech bunch....
11. HICKS MUSTE TATE & FURST >>> 400 radio stations. that's a lot innit?
12. profile of a blogger >>> yeah i'm a blogger. what's it to ya?
13. Mazukamba >>> good local band. played with them last year on my birthday.
14. bassett hound waycross GA >>> huh? pt. 3
15. junio 2003 24 OR 25 OR 26 "viejo san juan >>> what? am i missing something?
16. angry people's pics >>> i'm angry alright.... grrrrrrrr
17. faq you >>> yes, there are several other faq you's out there. hi guys!
18. microdemocracy >>> because microbes and the micronauts need a form of government too.
19. wisdom tooth pulled smoking >>> talk about a hot mouth
20. yes boys and girls, a nipple blog.
21. "lose friends" +humor -book >>> heheh.
22. el rockero loco >>> file under "whatever happened to......"
23. Alberto fucked on table pool >>> I don't know anything about that. That's between him and his girl. LOL
24. HOMERUN PIZZA STOCKPORT >>> yummy
25. another blog.

this is too funny! i'll guess we'll make it a weekly feature.

More quality time with V. Watched "Frida" together and a really bad Chow Yun Fat film. Bad but had a barrel of laughs watching it. Aside from that, added some more picture on the mo' pictures link. Building up a little gallery of our own. Right now I'm hungry as hell but can't think of anything more to say. Except that life is good.

Had a great afternoon and evening with V. Made her laugh a lot. Life is good. Especially when she's around. Gotta love her.

from the twilight zone dept:

either there was a glitch in the matrix or someone hacked into my blog because when i went online to see it, it had a whole different template. the only thing i could recognize from it were my posts but the rest was very different. how did it happen? fuck if i know, but whoever or whatever did it, it was beautiful. whoever you are, i salute you. back to our normally scheduled deprogramming, i hope.

here's a screenshot:

here i am in cleansing mode. deleted 3 gigs off my computer. unnecessary crap, duplicates, resizing and cropping. cathartic. i always love cleansing. down with the old, on with the new. beautiful. aside from that uploading new pictures on the mo' pictures link. bought a sanyo 8100 cel with camera so let's see what manages to catch my eye. monday, last day on my work week. seeing v. tomorrow. can't wait.

more fun with keywords. this time people found their way here through:

1. th' faith healers - great band. yes i love them.
2. fever of sabado at night - huh? saturday night fever? here? what da fook?
3. puerto rico goth - hmmmmm. well i do like to dress in black and i like goth....
4. monica tirado - well there is a photographer who took some antartica pictures awhile back......
5. candela bar - one of my hangouts, haunts, spots, etc.
6. blog found through similarminds.com
7. introdujos - one of our favorite bands.
8. cojoba - another of our favorite bands.
9. enlaces cafe - i don't hang out there as much but it's a nice place.
10. pimpdaddysupreme - i wonder how he's doing? he's sorely missed.
11. trashville - aaaaaaaaah one of my former headquarters.
12. AIM chat rooms scenesters - ooooooook.
13. another blog through similarminds.com
14. Alexander Gudonov cause of death - it wasn't me.

And there you have it. Enjoy!

the last 72 hours were so damn good.
went to see my pals of burning face reunite after a long while. the show was awesome, great vibe, we all had fun to be had. went with willie wanker and carilis and met with the rest of the gang there. what a great time. then hooked up with phillip, his lovely wife denise, cesar and javier el pollo back to isabela to crash at p&d's place since i had the next day off and meet v. for lunch. on the way there a lot of anecdotes and fun. it was good to hook up with them.
next day philip drove me to aguadilla mall to meet with v. what can i say when i meet her? it was so cool. ran some errands then crashed at her place. really cool apartment. met her cats, listened to some music......well you get the rest. a lot of catching up and it was good. we went for dinner afterwards and then some more catching up. Heh. Next morning was a beat freaky but we had breakfast and she drove me home. on the way home she was blasting everything from aqua to billy idol and even though she wasnt feeling well and my stomach got queasy, we were joking and laughing and i was being extremely retarded with my drink cup. she drove me home for a quick change and work.
work was fine. a tad slow but i got a commendation from one of my team leads. i felt good, confident and delivered the goods yesterday. also made a lot of sales so that should be good too. i went to the mall and bought me a new cellphone. might as well get into a regular account rather than prepaid. figured i'd spend as much. this little gadget will be put to use so expect some pictures soon. it's funny. this particular model is selling like hotcakes so when i inquired about it in the proper store where it's sold the only model they had was a pink one. i couldn't stop laughing about it and i had to call v to tell her. proper hysterics ensued after visions of me in a pink tutu and a pink cellphone. not in this life. maybe for a performance. i am thinking of getting more overtime this week if possible, but not without sacrificing quality time with v. i love her lots.
i sort of catched up with my z's too. both at v's place and at home. got up obscenely early to test ze new cellphone. the learning curve is not as bad as i thought. heh. anyway....
yes, it's that good. and the hippie finally got his website back up. so check out sidacrackyrocknroll in the links section.

Welcome to the freak show, really! pt. 1

Inspired by Rose's blog, I was inspired to find to find the referrals to this site. So this is what I've found so far as of today.

1. cleveland film comission
2. unknown
3. sin love x art cool looking blog.
4. another blog
5. angry ex's (um naaaaaaaaaaaah!)
6. galerias de luisma or luisma galleries. (what is *he* doing?)
7. second to none me too are u. (WHAT?)

After a lot of work and waiting for the computer to master the last two tracks, O.P.A.L.'s debut reissue is available. What are you waiting for? GO! Now I can get some sleep! ;)

Life has become a series of altered states between consciousness, insomnia, half asleep, half awake. It doesn't bug me as much as sometimes I wished I could get my proper 8 hours, but it's fucking hot in here so that won't happen. V and I are keeping in touch via the usual means. We miss each other but we've got work today. During the weekend I was working on this sort of zombified state that didn't concern me much because I was so calm with even the angriest customers and it worked to my advantage. I bought a TV/VCR and a little cart. I figured out that if I'm gonna be living here, I'd rather start buying some proper furnishings and establishing my proper domain. Once I assemble that, get my DVD player off the living room, bring it in here and watch anything I want in complete calm. Met Willie Wanker to coordinate his performance next month so I have to schedule that in advance. Aside from that, looking forward to meet some friends I haven't seen in ages next Thursday night. I have Friday off so the plan is to meet V. and stay overnight, come back to work the next day. Fingers crossed. Rose and I chatted a bit. It's always good to talk to her and keep in touch. Cheli emailed me. Back from vacation, she is. LOL. Anyway, tonight I gotta upload some more material to my page. Gotta keep myself busy. This week's schedule actually allows me to have a social life , so I better make the best of it.

lengthy post about father's day gone the way of the dodo due to blogger's snafus. check~
lengthy job yesterday because a proper clusterfuck in the systems. check!
lengthy wait to see v. again. well, there's always the phone and the net. check!
lengthy wait to fall asleep in order to sleep a couple of hours. check!
see? this one posted. life does have a sense of humor. btw, happy father's day.

So I guess that horoscope accidentally published in a newspaper in Spain (the editors already apologized for it) explains all the emotional shitstorm that occurred a few months back, does it? :D

ok. i've had enough of my father.
i love him. he's a decent man.
but for fuck's sake i don't want anything to do with him.
i was basically going to the shower and i had to hurry to meet v. for lunch.
he takes the car to run some errands.
he calls from the pharmacy because he has problems with his car key.
there's nobody home.
so i have to basically get dressed, meet him there. mad as fuck, because i will not get there to see v. i won't see her until monday at the earliest.
i tell him to give me his key, test it. somehow it doesn't work. i use mine. i ask him to shut up while i'm doing this.
he keeps nagging and nagging and nagging and pestering. i ask him to shut up twice and very politely while i'm figuring out what happened to his key.
he's not shutting up. i'm way too upset.
i park the car. give him my key and walk away.
he can stick the keys and the car up his ass.
i'm tired of his nagging and his fucking problems. my mom nor my sister talk to him because of that. i see no reason to deal with him.
i know it's terrible, but live with him for the better part of 35 years and then get back to me.

I'm sorry V. that I had to cancel that.

I'm still pretty pissed. Well at least that's one least of my worries.

No, I don't have tolerance for bullshit these days. Later.

I'm so happy to see you
cause your presence soothes me
and there's nothing better in this world
than making you smile or laugh.
So thank you darling.

Anyway, I finally got DSL here. Heheheeh. Be afraid. Be very afraid. Meanwhile my friend SOA asked me to contribute to his site, so I'm more than happy to oblige.

So there's V., DSL and a Hot Topic store nearby. I'm so realized. ;)

Here I am wishing you were here
wishing you were there by my side
cuddling, fast asleep
this heat is killing me
but I need your warmth
I should get some rest
if I am to see you tomorrow
so I close my eyes
and dream of you.........

Hmmm. Glitch in the Matrix causes entire blog posting to dissappear. Meanwhile, yesterday went to see The Matrix Reloaded for the 4th Time. Revkunin hasn't seen it, so it was our duty to see it. ;) V. left her training early so we met after the movie. First stop to handle some biz with Big Al and of course she was introduced. Then went to the mall, checked out Suncoast, Hot Topic, had some dinner, V. was in 300% annoying mode so she was funny as hell. We went back to my parents so she could check her emails and whatnot. Mom was sick with a bout of stomach virus but she can take care of herself. V. and I spent our last evening and night together this week and I miss her already. Went for breakfast, ran an errand for her and came back to the parentals to check on mom. Might as well stay here until it's time to work.

V. and I discovered a lot about each other this past two days and we still love each other. There are some trust issues she has to work out but that comes with time. I just have to earn this one baby. It's ok. Time is on our side. Let's see if this one posts properly.

Monkeys and more for your amusement here.

Ok so here we are. Me and the good Rev hit Hot Topic and his reaction was classic. "Go to the website, don't sponsor this." I understand his reasoning but since I don't have nor believe in credit cards.....you know the rest. It was good seeing him and listening to some shit from The Datsuns, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Ladytron, etc. Anyway, booked ze room and met V. in the afternoon. She did some coursework at my house and then we got together. What can I say? Brilliant, intense, sheer pleasure. Didn't sleep much and managed to get breakfast together. So here I am waiting for Big Al to show up, meet the Rev to watch The Matrix (my 4th time. sheeeeesh!) and then pick up Viv and more fun. Can't wait to see her again.

I heard from a friend that Milton and Anthony have a band together apparently their stuff is making waves. I can't say any details now but I can't wait to hear their material and help them in any way I can.

Ok tomorrow it's back to work. Let's seize the day.

V. woke me up this morning but she's allowed, being my girlthing and all. Now don't start, I'm her boything ok? Anyway, she woke me up but she's allowed and i mumbled stuff to her like "i miss you, i love you" and probably some other things in an alien dilect only people who are partly conscoious can probably understand. i feel guilty about not calling her later because i was busy as fuck. once i decided to wake up, i realized i actually had some time to do some shopping, which i did. the evil powers that be opened a hot topic in puerto rico so officially punk is dead here, but i went anyway. they have some cool shirt (not the bands, but the ramones, the clash's and blondie's shirts i kinda wanted). i went for a black one with something clever to annoy people around me and a Cleopatra goth sampler. Oh I'm so fucking goth now. :rolleyes: Anyway left with a serious jones of buying the black Chuck Taylors (the only fucking sneakers or trainers like the brits call them that matter). I ate and then went to the office a bit early for some overtime.

Actually my shift didn't go as bad as last week. Yes, some customers are on crack, but I handled most of my situations and escalated 1 call. Working hard to pay my bills. I went for a quick lunch and then back to work again. All this and I completely forgot to call V., but seeing her tomorrow, I will make up for it. I was so busy that I actually had to handle a big case with a customer and this guy needed some serious help so I stayed a bit longer. OT is good. Seeing V. tomorrow and I can't freaking wait. I'm sorry baby for not calling you today but I'll make it up to you. Promise.

Revkunin is back in the island and I plan to visit him to see how he's doing. Anyway, I should sleep a bit, should I?

i never said i was perfect
but then you're here
and i wished i was
because my greatest fear
is dissappointing you
and losing you
so here i am
naked and vulnerable
i've got nothing to hide
i know i'm not perfect
but i want you to understand
what i've been through
the choices i've made
good and bad
they're here for you to read


and i don't know how to finish this one. sorry.

V's sick and I wish I was there to help her through it. Meanwhile I'm working my ass off, sometimes stressed to the max and when I think that I'm screwing things up, I get a 100 % quality evaluation and a 93 and a 95. Whoah. And I got the best girlfriend in the whole wide goddamn world and I miss her lots.

Yes I know I'm silly, but that's what being in love is about. Being silly and stupid and slightly insane.

I think I should go to bed now. Last night I was up until the next day working on reviving my label. http://www.rojoynegro.net Check it out. Still, a work in progress.

Missing V., but at the same time she keeps me happy, sane. I can hear her smile while we talk on the phone. I can feel her when we chat and of course when we're actually together sparks fly. I am very happy now with the way things are turning out. We got something good to build on. I know we'll make it. Anyway, it's 4 am and after much tweaking and working on my new project, I think I should get some sleep.

A Hot Topic was opened here in Plaza Carolina. I'm going to check it out. Got some people I know working in there. Might spent a bit of my check.

To answer your question V: Yes, I do love you very much.

Night night!

Of course there are side effects to this... :p ....mainly Blogger switching ze blog to a new template and my older posts dissappearing. Try the archive to see if they're there. Yes, I reported this bug to Blogger Control and yes, they are working on it.

Ach!

Thinking about it......hmm.....except for the last month or so when I met V., being able to erase the last two years of my life would be kind of nice, but then again, without that experience, things wouldn't lead up to this. Heh. If real life was as easy as this eh?

Anyway, let's see if Blogger can take care of this.

Wake up. You feel something change. Try to sort yourself here. Something has changed, you feel better, a bit tired though, but lack of sleep does that to you. You go about your business of waking up and the cellphone rings. V's on the line. A bit stressed and worried but you try to calm her down. She asks you to read her blog. You fear the worst and you type your way there. Then you know why everything's changed. Well, it's not everything. Just that you realize that finally you meet someone that feels the same as you are. That makes your life complete, whole. That makes you happy. There she is. What are you waiting for? And for the first time in years, you feel very good. Let's see where this leads.

Second day. Easier than the first. Learning the ropes. Working hard. Tired. Watching "The Wire". Missing V. Badly. Wishing that one of these days I would come home to her. Just get back home, go to bed, feel her warmth. It will happen. Soon.

"I'm ready to say I'm glad to be alive" - U2 "Zoo Station"

Just when you think things are gonna be pretty bleak, lights come out and help you find your way back.

A day full of conversations and revelations. First off, managed to talk to G. D. today. Puppy and I were concerned but she called and things were cool. That woman still floors me even though we've known each other for a while. She could sell a fridge to an eskimo easily. She, Alpha, T-Girl and Arwen have shown some guts and solidarity and I didn't even know. That she took time off from her very busy schedule to have a long conversation with me was cool. Thanks guys.

Pellejo and I chatted too. Willie Wanker sent a couple of message. Chito and Jorge too. All this support from friends translated into my return to performance. Some gigs planned. Feeling better and inspired. That last gig at Don Pablo helped a lot too.

Last but not least because thats the most important part of all: V. We chatted and talked for a looooooong while too. Even though we want to take it slow, we want to be with each other so badly. Yes so cool, so noble and brings out the best in me. I can't let go of someone like that. I can't believe this is happening, but I accept it with open arms. You are cool, beautiful, and restored my faith in people and my self-confident. I owe you a lot. Thank you.

Went out with Luisma to Old San Juan for a couple of beers and people watching in Noche De Galerias. Nothing extraordinary but I was very happy thinking and actually missing V's company.

Got the imood thing back because I wanted to, damn it. LOL

girlthing
boything
our thing
sentimental cosa nostra
this thing of ours
it looks good
feels better
at ease 24/7
together
and i find myself
missing you more
hating when we part
looking forward
to this feeling
this synchronicity
this future
together
this thing
called us
for lack of a better word
for fear of spoiling it
and letting it grow
nurture
develop
looking forward
see where it leads
grinning wide
for the possibilities
and potentials
smile, baby
this is ours

Yesterday I started my shift at my new job. I was a bit nervous. Despite acing the training with a whooping 94% (you need at least 85% to go to the next stage) and rehearsing every possible scenario, I knew from previous experiences that being on the floor is very different from any training environment. I visualized the 20 of us marching towards the floor and translating it to the first 15 minutes of Saving Private Ryan. Yeah it's that vicious, but I also knew that once I got past that first call, everything would fall into place.

Well, actually it took the first half of my shift for everything to fall into place,but it's ok. The first call is always the most difficult and the others set the pace. Once I got past my lunchtime I felt more confident. Even took a customer compliment so that was good. The coaches saw that I handled it professionally so that was good. Today and tomorrow I'm off and I look forward to being back there on Wendesday. Some of my co-workers who haven't had the experience were a bit shaken, but I gave them encouragement. They are good people, but in unfamiliar territory. Blend that with the training and everything will be alright.

I didn't sleep at all because I came home to dub some stuff to Al. Some of it actually confirmed my views on Japanese art. Rigid stratified societies produce extreme art. Action, reaction. Causality.

Saw V. today. We always have a good time together. Whether we were shopping for books, paying video rental fees, lunch, a movie, dinner, eating ice cream. At ease in conversation and in silence. She feels strongly about us. So do I. She says I'm her soulmate. I agree in the aspect that we feel very comfortable together. It's really amazing. I haven't felt this way in ages. At complete and utter peace with her. While shopping for books, I somehow thought about us a bit older, sitting on a cafe, drinking coffee, reading, talking to each other. I mentioned this to her, and she agreed. She said "I thought about that. In Paris. I'd like to travel sometime." I'm thinking of working hard enough to save to travel to Europe in a year for my vacation. I want her to be there with me. In our conversations, I discover that we see a future together. This hasn't happened to me for a long time. For a long while in my personal relationships, after breaking up with Lana, I never thought past the moment, the present, that instant. Now I do. It's interesting that we think of plans and the future at this stage, but the usual alarms, bells and whistles don't go off here. Something is very right. We watched "Phone Booth" which was more fun and interesting than we thought. I think Kiefer Sutherland sounds like a young Hannibal Lecter there. Really good flick. We spent all afternoon together in each other's company. Pure bliss. I can't ask anything better than this. Thank you.