angst.
torpor.
inertia.

i think i saw a column with that name somewhere in a maximumrockn'roll once. still, it's a great description of my internal landscape. those three words and my choice of working hours pretty much sums up my exile from any social interaction of late. i don't think i don't have the patience and the energy to deal with pettiness, shallowness, ignorance from people. i don't have the stomach to take in shit from so-called friends. in these moments you truly know where your friends are and the ones who actually bother are much appreciated. shit, i know people have their own set of problems too, so that's not a biggie.

i guess it also explains why i haven't even bothered to shave and get a haircut. i should, though, but i don't even bother. i need rest and i'm getting it. i need a social life, but it definetely has to be on my terms. i'm keeping in touch with the few people that matter in this life, V. and I haven't seen each other for weeks and with her current situation, at least I give her a phonecall or an email, I hope it helps. I'm just being philosophical about this because damned if I ever am going to waste my time on self-pity and depression.

having said that, the idea of being one of the few people truly alive and human in a land infested by zombie like creatures really appeals to me. 28 Days Later anyone? As in said movie, not many of the remaining uninfected humans are particularly sane but in my case I'm working on it. Sometimes keeping your sanity and cool is just half the struggle, but I'm getting there. I'd like to think that I don't want too much from life, but then again, in a way you have to be ready for it if you want it. Right now there are things that I want in my life and unless I change my current circumstances, I won't get them. I'm also working on that. No one said that reaching for truly worthy things in life was going to be easy. The struggle is hard. The struggle is beautiful. Killing Joke got that one down pat.

In the computer front, yes Knoppix still rules. Got also Slackware Live which is very nice. Downloading SUSE and SkyOS live cd distros to check them out. Keep in mind that SkyOS is another type of OS different from Linux. Might take a peek at FreeBSD just to check it out properly. Yes, my name is Jose and I am a geek. Fuck off!

I don't know if any of the above made any sense, but being that this is my place to rant, rave and pretty much blow up some steam, it will have to do.

Cheers!