drunkenness

right now i'm trying to write something cohesive out of something that does not have any cohesiveness. i needed to get drunk, to let go, to fucking let chaos in. i need this entropy, this recklessness, this state that allows me to be both truthfull and potentially embarassing. i've been wound up tight. to tight. a fucking noose and after drowning round after round of liquid courage, i've found it to be liberating. to be the thing i just needed just to deal with all this nonsense. i might regret writing this words later when i'm more "logical" and "sane". right now, let me indulge myself. i might be coming home alone, but i don't care. i did it. pure fucking catharsis. thanks to my friends for bearing witness. i just wished i didn't spend the night alone....