I just need to vent. I need to vent out and get all this shit out of the way. Scream. Things are working out yet I need to do more and need it now. Heh. End of rant. Move on. Nothing to see here.

About the radio show. We were lucky enough to come early and have a full hour to us. We recorded the tracks and used it as a rehearsal for the proper broadcast. We recorded six tracks. On the broadcast we did five of those six tracks, but to be honest, three of them were really worth it. The broadcast itself went well but I felt the three tracks that we pick were the best of the litter. Also on the broadcast we had Iohann Rashi aka Audio Interference throwing samples and lovely little noises about. To boot, we had some minutes left at the end of "Tension" so we decided to make some righteous lovely noise. I'm surprised they didn't pull the plug. Lovely results. *If* we're gonna do the album based from the sessions, there will be the different versions if things work out:

80 (78:42) Minute Version

Studio Tracks:

Bodydronelight
Seductif
Llegada A Puerto Rico (Remix 2)
Harsh
Tension
The Object Of Beauty

Live Broadcast tracks:

Bodydronelight (stronger version than the first recording)
Harsh (nice little noises coming from the left channel)
Tension (15 minute version with a noisefest at the end.)

We're gonna release a 60 (more like a 53:25 to be precise) minute version of it for mp3.com. Here's the track listing:

Bodydronelight (live version)
Seductif
Llegada A Puerto Rico (Remix 2)
Harsh
The Object Of Beauty
Tension (live version featuring Audio Interference)

We're doing a soundtrack for an independent Argentina/Puerto Rico film called "Entre Los Dioses Del Desprecio". Actually "Llegada A Puerto Rico" is one of our contributions to the soundtrack. Thanks to Prof. Carlos Camunas who gave us access to the score and let us play with it. Also from the Icaro Azul gig, we have an offer to contribute to another indie PR film called "Santa Cristal". We're supposed to meet the director and see how it goes from there. So you got it here first. HA!

Fun killing zombies with my mates. Shown them a picture taken of some of us 19 years ago. Fuck! Time sure does fly! Aaaaaaaaaaaanyway.....

Finally transferred the radio station sessions to mp3 and CD. I'm seriously considering changing the title of the new album to 042702. Got to talk to Carlos about that. I know that definetely three tracks from that date are going. Fuck! Heard the latest from my pals at the Musique Concrete Ensemble. Brilliant, beautiful. Do we have the new Windy and Carl, Low, Quasi here? Missed the show last night at Transylvania but fuck, things do happen, don't they. Ocio Lounge might have a new home. Fingers crossed.

Don't let the bastards grind you down. Ever. Always outnumbered, never outgunned.

Wicked session at the Radio Station. Recorded for posterity. Nice way to end the last song too. Lots of fun. Meanwhile fate throws me a nice little curveball to test my resolve. Fucking hit that one off the bloody park, if you ask me. Someone I've never met personally taught me to deal with those things with style and grace. I tend to agree. Ok, time to enjoy the rest of the weekend with my mates.

ANTARTICA 'SUMMER' TOUR 2002

VIERNES 26 DE ABRIL - Macroporno y Antartica @ Don Pablo Afterhours

SABADO 27 DE ABRIL - SESION DE LUNA LLENA @ INTERFERENCIA 303 @ FRECUENCIAS ALTERNAS 89.7 FM 88.3 EN DIRECTO DESDE LOS ESTUDIOS.

VIERNES 3 DE MAYO - Antartica, Santos Inocentes, UT y DJ MHX
Fecha : 03 de Mayo de 2002
Lugar : Faelos Club, en la americo miranda antes cafe tropical
Hora : 9:00pm Entrada : $10.00
Contacto : Alexius : [email]inmortall_1@yahoo.com[/email]

JUEVES 9 DE MAYO: Antartica Live P.A Set junto a DJ Gulembo @ Exxit junto a Noel Villegas en la Nueva X

SABADO 18 DE MAYO - en 2 ceibas Quebradillas
apartir de la 1:00pm
con las bandas:
Superaquello
Antartica
panoptica
Osilador4
Ongo
Los Huesos
Golpe Justo
Saguinata
Enagena
Mazukamba
Anxiety by default
Los Abortados
Coma
(y es el dia en que llegue a este planeta. wiiiiiiiii)

SABADO 8 DE JUNIO - Antartica y Un.real Cafe Pa`Casa en la carr. 107 antes del Longbranch(rip) frente a Wendys.

HABRAN GLOBOS, PAYASOS, SORPRESAS, BAILARINAS, FUEGOS ARTIFICIALES, MALVADISCOS Y RAMAS ANEXAS

[url]http://www.rojoynegro.com[/url]
have a nice day motherfuckers!

Updating Tour Dates. Birthday show confirmed. Live session tonight at WRTU. Last night was interesting. Film at Eleven.

My site and mirror have been redesigned. Keeping it simple just for you. Enjoy!

Another date added to the tour. Things *are* shaping up. LOL.
Last night went to celebrate Joey's Birthday. Two Bacardi Silvers and that was it for me, but it was fun for all involved. Building La Experiencia's website. Keeping busy. Busy is good these days. BTW, Bacardi Silvers are the official drink for now. Good things for my birthday on the 18th. That and The Others on DVD. YEAH.

A couple of changes on the tour dates. Please make note.

When I die
I don't want a rosary
When I die
Life goes on as usual
When I die
Don't want no mourners
No funeral party
No wake
No burial
Just burn me
and everyting I've done
Clean the slate
Erase my memory
All traces
that I was here
Flush the ashes
Down the toilet
Party your ass off
Cause when I die
Celebrate the fact
that I finally got off
This mortal coil
To a place
Where there's no pain
Nothing at all
And I won't bother you
No more

I dreamt about her and the kids last night
I woke up in tears
Because even when I come to terms with what happened
and accept it
It sneaks up on me
and I'm in that world of hurt
Again
I have to take a deep breath
Just to face the world
and I try to smile
To let go
And just when I think I have
It sneaks up
The wound opens again
I pray for more time
To heal
To forget
or at least not let it bother me as much
Life goes on
Move on
When I least expect it
Another chance
To live
To love
Lord knows
I've had enough of this

updated 'summer' tour schedule posted at a later date. :D

Hi. Instead of launching into a 'woe is me' rant, I'll just say this: I am grateful for what I have and who I have around me. Thank you for your time, your kindness and attention.

I came down with the cold. Hard. Shit all these days and all these shows. Something had to give and by Sunday I slept over 12 hours straight. Heard Jorge Castro's 'Sin Titulo #2' and it's one of the best ambient recordings I've ever heard. The whole progressions and the textures build up. I also got some work done for my buddy Al. I have the radio show meeting for tomorrow but right now I gotta take some more medicine and take a nap.

G'nite.

Pictures Pictures Pictures. Antartica Live @ Hard Rock Cafe @ Icaro Azul's CD release party.

I might be broke
I might be unemployed
but I'm a happy camper
cause I'm playing and you're not
it's might not be better than, say, sex
but it's way more better than sinsemilla
I'm playing
and that's something that no one can take from me
that and I'm catching a fucking cold

Layne Stanley might be dead.
He had it coming.
Heroin ain't no joke.
Too bad.
The Pet Shop Boys are doing a song about
a fan who fucks a rap star not unlike Eminem.
And on that note, we cue the music.

So.......had 2 weird dreams of late.
The first one I was back at PSU at my old dorm hall. The way the room was built on this dream was that it was longer and narrower than what the room was. I looked different. Younger and different. The whole situation was straight of some high school flick. I mean the whole atmosphere looked like a bloody high school. Uniforms, backpacks. I was in my room, came out to a hallway. Then this girl asks me if I could do a project for her. I refused. She asked me again. I told her it's gonna cost her. She says "I got just the thing for you". She goes down the hall and I follow her to this sort of dressing room. I stand outside but I see her calves and feet. She sort of squats down and removes her underwear. I see her butt. Then she stands up, goes outside and gives me her underwear. "Is that payment enough?"- she asks. I look puzzled. Right there her boyfriend comes up to me giving me shit. I just say "hey YOUR girlfriend gave it to ME. So settle that. I don't want your girlfriend. She's your problem." An argument ensued and then I woke up.

Second weird dream: I was living with my family in this huge three story house. It was really cute like the houses on South Atherton Street back in PSU now that I think about it. Anyway, mom comes with these two women. She says they're 2 Russian exchange students and that they'll be staying at the house. I said "cool." The ladies and I start talking and eventually we get to know each other. Time passes and somehow these ladies have a healthy sexual appetite. On me and each other. We get into a lot situations when I get aroused by these two. Sometimes we get to do it. Sometimes we don't. But the whole thing was....interesting. I remember speaking the little Russian I know on those two. Haven't had one of those dreams for a while.

Mom's in the hospital. Got back last night and had a hernia removed. She's expected to make it back today.

The show last night was a blast. Great response from the crowd and Icaro fucking rocked the house. Met a whole lottta people that until then I've seen on the 'net or on Pulsorock's board. It was really cool. Chocky and I made it there and back listening to the Insane Clown Posse. Sometimes you just need some really fucking stupid humor to get through the day. Worked like a charm.

My brother suggested some steps carrer-wise. I'm tempted to take them. It's always a pleasure to chat with him. Miss him lots.

Bedtime.

Tossing the usual drivel aside, I had the pleasure of joining my oldest bunch of friends in their usual Sunday Night RPG session. Yes RPG. Old School. No fucking computers. Books, dice, paper. We were playing a nice little RPG called "All Flesh Must Be Eaten". Zombie galore. I guess after watching 'Resident Evil' and then some choice Romero films, my pal Alberto decided to round up the posse for some fun. The game itself is easy enough and Alberto is one of the best storytellers I've ever had the pleasure of playing with. The whole gang was there. People I've met since we were kids (Edwin and Robert), College (Alberto, Kemuel) and then a bit afterwards (Alex and Arquimedes). We had lots of fun and my character (a hacker) got away with a lot of mischief. I think we'll finish next Sunday but the thing that struck me was that we all had a good time and Alberto observed that the pleasure was doubled because "I had all my best friends sitting there." True that Al. True that. The pleasure and the honor is mutual. Thanks to all of them for being there through all these crazy years.

Eze. I know you read this. You said so yourself. Thanks my man. For being there. Angelito too. You guys make life livable.

"sacred is an abused word.
control is a lie.
love is my truth." - Beau Sia

BEAU MY FRIEND YOU'RE SUCH A FUCKING GENIUS!!!!!!!!

This is one of those days that nothing happens. Sheer boredom. I'm writing songs just to avoid some of it. Nonetheless, I'm getting restless. Plan. Ponder. Think. Write. Tomorrow, rehearsal. Thursday, a show.

The Big Goth Crackdown

From Side-Line Magazine's e-mail newsletter:

[12 April 2002]
Goths in danger in the USA
US Congressman Sam Graves (Repulican - Missouri) is getting $273,000 from the US Department of Education so that police and educators in his district can "identify Goth culture leaders that are preying on our kids". An aide to Graves goes on to say that "Some parents and law- enforcement officials are concerned that, beyond the dark fashions and music characteristic of that subculture, some "Goth" teenagers are drawn into potentially dangerous behavior". You can read the rest of the article by following the link below. For those who want to give Graves a lecture themselves, feel free to e-mail Sam Graves at sam.graves@mail.house.gov.
-Goths Are Evil-

Locally I'll expect the lovely reverends Font, Raschke and their ilk to act accordingly. HALLELUYAH!

Watching "Abre Tus Ojos". Can't say anymore. Really. It's just that kind of flick. Loved "Tesis" and "The Others".
Found myself missing my ex. Not in the "I want to get back with her" sense of the word, but in the fact that I remembered the good times that we all had, her smile, the little things that I'll store in my memory forever. Cause it was the best relationship I've ever had. And it's a part of me whether I like it or not. A sense of acceptance. Yes, it's been over for a long while. It won't come back. Done and over with. Time to move on. I just accept the fact that there was a good relationship and it's now over. TIme to live by what's written down before this post because I've got this life to live. Nothing and no one will keep me from doing what I must do. Achieve. Create. Succeed. No room for failure. No room for defeat. No room for negativity.

Be ruthless
Take risks
No regrets
Safety's off

Because life demands it
and the alternative sucks
Too many sheeps
and you're the Big Bad Wolf

Let them sink in their own shit
Wallow in their self-pity
Let them be stuck
Become their undoing

No compromises
Just understandings
No ties
Perfect strangers

Don't box me in
Don't file me
Don't put me in pedestals
I didn't ask in the first place

Live the moment
at it's fullest
Don't get stuck
Agile, Mobile and Hostile

There's this little birdie who's been coming to my window every 20 mins or so since yesterday. I mean it comes up, sings a bit, then hits the window trying to get in the room. Then it flies up to the window in the living room and repeats the process. I guess I oughta give it points for perseverance but the poor thing suffers and it's kinda annoying. Why does it repeats the same thing again and again? Doesn't the pain register or something? Things could be said about stubornness and perseverance but hey, something's gotta give. I don't know. I just wanted to share this with you.

Interviewing my pals of Cojoba later this afternoon.

Gig on Thursday. Meeting on Tuesday. Job Interview. Going to the Unemployment Office. Live on the dole. Plans. An interesting proposition. Life goes on.

New Antartica album
Working Title: "Don't Hate Us 'Cause We're Beautiful (An Endurance Test)"
Track Listing:

1. Ecos
2. Arturo Se Prepara (Remix)
3. Bodydronelight
4. Harsh
5. Llegada A Puerto Rico (Remix)
6. Nameless
7. Nuria Et Rafi
8. Seductif
9. The Object Of Beauty
10. This House Is Ours
11. Walk In Beauty

Working with Carlitos of Alfafa y Los Kretinos for the lovely guitar parts.
There's no release date yet, but should be soon enough.

Enjoy!

I had to cancel my participation in tonight's festivities. Sorry. Mother's in the hospital. Family always comes first. Her stay made me think a lot about several things. Morbid introspections, later tonight. Maybe. Thanks for the instant messages and the people who've shown their support. You're *never* forgotten. I love you.

I'm on a roll. Just got two new Antartica songs. Actually they're remixes for a film project I am working on, I got a gig tomorrow but I don't know whether I'll make it cause my mother is sick again. Oh well. at least my creative juices are flowing.

Lest I forget: watched John Q today with my pal Joel. Everyone who knows me, knows the issues I've had with the medical establishment and I fucking empathize with the movie. Medicine is such a business. Even in England since the National Health system has been fucked with due to the Tories and here in PR and in the US, the insurance companies and the rest of the vultures make life miserable for the rest of us. I'm currently uninsured and with my condition, that's a no-no, but that's the breaks right now my lovely children. Joel always fucking rocks along with the stuff he plays on his car. My man.

Ok bedtime.

I think creation is one of the most beautiful things in the universe. To be able to do something and call it your own is just wonderful. Since I've been given a gift (or so they say), I've been engaged in recording some of the most recent Antartica tracks for performance and for my guitar player cause I want to include some cool guitars in this one. It's so fucking rewarding being able to record music on my own terms, at my own pace and with my laptop. It's a pleasure and a much needed distraction and relief.

Anyway got a show on Friday and another the following Thursday so it sharpens my skills as well. I think the next Antartica record's gonna have 9 tracks and the working title so far is: "Dont Hate Us Cause We're Beautiful (An Endurance Test)". Yes, another inside joke but hey, that's what you get.

Ok I'm feeling zombified as we speak, so I better hit the sack.

It was a dark, windy and stormy night.
Thunder and lightning everywhere.
A loud cackle and insane laughter was heard accross Maison Popu.
"AT LAST!!!!!!!!!!!"- the master's voice was heard in the halls
"IT'S HERE!!!!!!!!!! AT LAST DAMNIT!!!!!!!!!!"
The USPS carrier delivered the package to Popu's hands.
Once it was in his hands, he dashed to his study and opened it in a frenzy.
"YES YES YES!!!!!!!!!!!" - he grinned while getting the gadget connected
"I CAN FINALLY RECORD SOME COOL SHIT ON THEE LAPTOP"
"BWAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHA!!!!!"
The insane laugher rang in the hallways as he closed the door.

(to be continued)

Ladies And Gentlemen:

Last Minute Tax Return Party (or something)

DJ K Kemit (turntablism, hip hop, electro)
Macroporno (funky house, idm, electronica)
Antartica (electronica, techno, trance
Friday 12th of April
Don Pablo Viejo San Juan
Pass It On

I'd rather have an honest conversation, even if it breaks my heart. Trust is something earned, freely given. Don't expect a friendship from me if you can't be trusted to even keep a meeting, and you're not even honest. At the same time, I can't expect to have a relationship or even a friendship if the other person can't trust me. Harsh? Yes. But without trust, there's nothing. You've put walls and you're the only one who can put them down. I don't deserve this kind of treatment. Goodbye and hope you can sort it out. Walk in Beauty.

"Leave Me Alone"
New Order

On a thousand islands in the sea
I see a thousand people just like me
A hundred unions in the snow
I watch them walking, falling in a row
We live always underground
It's going to be so quiet in here tonight
A thousand islands in the sea
It's a shame

And a hundred years ago
A sailor trod this ground I stood upon
Take me away everyone
When it hurts thou

From my head to my toes
From the words in the book
I see a vision that would bring me luck
From my head to my toes
To my teeth, through my nose
You get these words wrong
You get these words wrong
Everytime
You get these words wrong
I just smile

But from my head to my toes
From my knees to my eyes
Everytime I watch the sky
For these last few days leave me alone
But for these last few days leave me alone
Leave me alone
Leave me alone

Ok so I got back from the dentist minus my upper right wisdom tooth. What a relief! I missed this week's meeting but the program promises to be a blast. I didn't get my gadget today. I'm also supposed to report to my new job tomorrow BUT they haven't confirmed. What a bunch of incompetent nincompoops! I'm having second thoughts of working with these gorillas but the bills need to be paid.

I got a call today from Tonya, my former roommate in Nashville. She's such a doll. I miss her lots and I miss my former co-workers at the Merrimac. I'm seriously considering whether I should go there or Florida. I don't want to stay in PR longer than I have to. Not without a space I can claim as my own. In the meantime there's also some other stuff I gotta discuss. I don't really want to leave but I need my own space, my own place. Somewhere I can feel comfortable. I don't feel like that at my parent's house at all. Chatted with my younger brother. He's such a rascal and a practical joker but can't help but love the guy. He's the man.

Going to the Dentist today. Joy!

Today we proudly announce the return to politics of one Richard Nixon!!!!!!!!!

Mom was sick this morning and we had to rush her to the hospital. Fortunately she was back earlier this evening. Still. Meanwhile still fighting for my job prospects. I'm tired and weary, but my spirits are high. My friend Ezequiel has a new box! Hurray! Tomorrow I'm getting a new gadget so I can finally make music with mine.

Reading an excellent book about the church burnings on Norway called "Lords Of Chaos". Pretty objective depicting all sides on the issue and without histerics or the usual sensasionalistic bullshit.

show's on tonight. let's see....

Wendy O Williams
Kurt Cobain
Rock N Roll Suicides
Never Forgotten (as far as I'm concerned)

It's just one of those moments. Where everything stands still. Quiet. Nothing absolutely happens. Things are happening on the job front. By next week, I should get a job. Let's see what this holds for my projects. Right now, I'm sorting it out. Resolution will come. Soon. Meanwhile, a show tomorrow.

Found a home for OCIO LOUNGE and a possible DJ residency. I also went to see my friend SANTOS spin a very wicked techno set. It's a fucking shame the place was empty cause I could've danced my ass off with the proper company. Nevertheless my friend and brother Angelito and I had a fucking blast, thankyouverymuch.

And I found myself missing you terribly. Then I wonder if you feel the same. One of those lingering questions, isn't it?

My ghosts appear when I least expect it. Instead of scaring me, or bring me nightmares, they just bring me sadness. Time has given me the perspectives needed to deal with that. I just live with the good memories, and keep walking. No need to wallow in self pity, melancholy and all that. That is a waste of time. Move on.

I ran into my friend Ninablue online. She's such a great gal. It's always good to chat with her. Take care liebchen!

My friend Ben Raino turned 25 today. You fucking bastard. I hope you finish your album and keep releasing that beautiful music of yours into the world. Best wishes to you and your lovely wife. Did I mentioned that I was the one who introduced them and I was the best man in their wedding? Yes. Moi. Matchmaker. Actually, they're the second couple I got together, but that's another story.

Daryl and his wife are still vacationing on the Netherlands and loving it. Lovely, isn't it?

The behavior shown here makes me wanna vomit and wish I could drop an H-bomb on the island.

PANIC ROOM is quite a good film. Don't expect Fight Club but it has a solid cast and a good plot. Now what is it about David Fincher and women in closed environments? The Usual Suspects special edition tranfer to DVD is so sweet, it's worth it. The deleted scenes....mmmmmmm........and watch the gag reel.

sometimes people are tempted to follow the path of least resistance. i chose not to. i sit and wait. see how things develop. it might be frustrating, but it's my choice to wait. I'm sticking to it. "first thing you learn, it that you've always got to wait." lou reed was so right and applies to several things in this life.

the others is out on dvd on may the 14th and it would make an excellent birthday present. subtle as a kick in the groin.

frankness and honesty do not equal harshness. if they do, well, life is pretty harsh anyway. when you want to establish a relationship with someone. friends, business, etc., you'd like to develop some basic trust. when you don't bother to show a modicum of trust, what are you expecting? is this harsh? no, i think this is honest. and the reason i might be such a hardass about it, is that you have to choose your friends. choose carefully.

yes, some people demand a sense of tact, i think it's more of a sense of discretion.

beau sia made my day again with a reply to a note i sent him. few 'famous' people bother to even do that these days. shit, man, give them hell, don't let them bring you down.

having said that, i gotta say that AOL SUCKS MAJOR ASS!!!!!!!!! I mean, yes, is a freebie I have because I bought this machine, but fuck! why am I not able to use fucking trillian nor outlook express. if anyone knows of a good reliable ISP, let me know.

zoolander is funny as hell.

I haven't seen or read about this much death and suffering in a while. Not in this lifetime, at least for now. I can't say anyone is right here because both sides have a legitimate claim to co-exist. Ytzhak Rabin, the only person bold enough to believe in peace in the Middle East, was murdered by one of his own. There's not much Arafat can do while he's trapped in that bunker. Also he failed to assert control of the different factions in the Palestinian cause. This is madness. Sheer fucking madness and it's spreading. I always thought our next World War would be fought over there. Not Iraq. Not Afghanistan. There. Israel. Please prove that I'm wrong.

On a lighter note, breakfast, chatting and window shopping are wonderful with the right person. I really enjoy your company.

training day is such a fucking cool movie. like i mentioned before when i watched this at the theatre, denzel definetely had fun acting here and it shows. 'THIS AINT CHECKERS!!!!!!!! THIS IS CHESS MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!!!! This tape i'm making is chock full of ultraviolence. training day and series 7. any suggestions?
i've seen the future. it is murder - leonard cohen

Some of yesterday's pranks were so beautiful, I nearly pissed myself laughing. Today's gonna be a bit different.

"It's a strange day
in such a lonely way"
- new order

Finished 'Noir'. Fucked up in several levels, but I liked it. Distopyan and edgy. 'London Fields' is next. Not much for this week. An errand, an interview with a band and more job hunting.

M Dearest

You can't stop a storm, but allow me to shelter you from it.

J.