i don't love life as much as i should
but i don't hate life either.
(don't ask this just came to my brain)
by the way, happy new year you fucks. i plan to welcome it very much asleep. gonna buy me some tylenol pm's for that purpose unless someone comes up with a better plan.
the dead flag blues
the dead flag blues by godspeed you black emperor!
the car's on fire and there's no driver at the wheel
and the sewers are all muddied with a thousand lonely suicides
and a dark wind blows
the government is corrupt
and we're on so many drugs
with the radio on and the curtains drawn
we're trapped in the belly of this horrible machine
and the machine is bleeding to death
the sun has fallen down
and the billboards are all leering
and the flags are all dead at the top of their poles
it went like this:
the buildings tumbled in on themselves
mothers clutching babies picked through the rubble
and pulled out their hair
the skyline was beautiful on fire
all twisted metal stretching upwards
everything washed in a thin orange haze
i said: "kiss me, you're beautiful --
these are truly the last days"
you grabbed my hand and we fell into it like a daydream or a fever
we woke up one morning and fell a little further down --
for sure it's the valley of death
i open up my wallet and it's full of blood
the car's on fire and there's no driver at the wheel
and the sewers are all muddied with a thousand lonely suicides
and a dark wind blows
the government is corrupt
and we're on so many drugs
with the radio on and the curtains drawn
we're trapped in the belly of this horrible machine
and the machine is bleeding to death
the sun has fallen down
and the billboards are all leering
and the flags are all dead at the top of their poles
it went like this:
the buildings tumbled in on themselves
mothers clutching babies picked through the rubble
and pulled out their hair
the skyline was beautiful on fire
all twisted metal stretching upwards
everything washed in a thin orange haze
i said: "kiss me, you're beautiful --
these are truly the last days"
you grabbed my hand and we fell into it like a daydream or a fever
we woke up one morning and fell a little further down --
for sure it's the valley of death
i open up my wallet and it's full of blood
drunkenness
right now i'm trying to write something cohesive out of something that does not have any cohesiveness. i needed to get drunk, to let go, to fucking let chaos in. i need this entropy, this recklessness, this state that allows me to be both truthfull and potentially embarassing. i've been wound up tight. to tight. a fucking noose and after drowning round after round of liquid courage, i've found it to be liberating. to be the thing i just needed just to deal with all this nonsense. i might regret writing this words later when i'm more "logical" and "sane". right now, let me indulge myself. i might be coming home alone, but i don't care. i did it. pure fucking catharsis. thanks to my friends for bearing witness. i just wished i didn't spend the night alone....
this winter of my discontent
This winter of my discontent. Taking the good, the bad and the really fucking ugly. I could be worse. Some job prospects, but nothing, really. I'm getting a bit frustrated, but I gotta take the pressure. No choice in the matter, really. If this ain't the worse Christmas I've had in awhile, I don't know what is. Anyway, looking forward to better times ahead, and planning accordingly. Helped my former band manager move in to his new digs. That was a workout and a half. Came home drenched in sweat and exhausted. A cool shower and some sleep afterwards helped a lot. I've lost lots of pounds but I'm considering starting a workout to tone the muscles. That should keep me busy. Anyway tweaking with Linux from a cool app here from my laptop. Knoppix Linux and Debian rule so much it's not funny.
It's one of those days that it's so emotionally bleak for me. Even though I spent quality time with my best friend and helped him around and had lunch with him and his family. That part was good. When I get back to my own reality. So lonely. So bleak. So cold. I guess it's good when you are someone object of lust, affection. When you feel it. Coming down from that it's a bit hard. Broke. Lonely. I wish I could find some substitute. Something to feel the time. When you really want to be with someone just to feel them by your side. To hear them spin their tales, their narratives, to feel their kisses, their warmth, their longing. I wander the streets talking to my self daydreaming about past lovers, what if, making amends, wishing for one last time, one last kiss, one last word. Unfortunately those options are not available. I have to move on. See what tomorrow brings. Hold on.
Shit. Pathetic, innit?
Shit. Pathetic, innit?
required christmas reading
Somebody had the guts to actually say it in print. Here's the real meaning of Christmas. Courtesy of the Ayn Rand foundation. Thanks to Daryl for bringing this to my attention.
Merry Xmas To Friends and Family Who've Stucked Thru Thick and Thin. You're Never Out Of My Thoughts. Thank You. Blessed Be.
Note To Self #858792
Note To Self # 887589-T
The next time you see a female friend of yours high on a self-administered combination of drugs and beers in a nearly comatose state, do not worry and do not take care of her. Leave her to the fucking predators. She might mistake your caring attitude and the fact that you stayed with her all night to make sure she was ok, and then accuse you of taking advantage of her. It's not your business. After all, she was the one who took the drugs and drank the beer, right? Why should you bother? Why should you take care of her and tell her exactly what happened when she lost consciousness when she can later accuse you of doing something you wouldn't even consider doing? Even though you've taken care of lots of your other female friends and looked after them and hell, even their husbands trust you to go out with them. Oh no, you behave decently towards this person and the next thing you know, she might start accussing you of things you didn't do? Fuck it, next time I see this person passed out, leave her there. Don't bother. Let the fucking predators take her and do whatever they want with her. This person needs to grow the fuck up. I won't have anything to do with her. I've never ever in my life been treated with such disrespect. Such mistrust. Fuck!!!!!!!!!!! Oh well, that's what you get when you behave like a decent human being.
BTW Merry Xmas. I reckon this is my xmas present. Fuck!
The next time you see a female friend of yours high on a self-administered combination of drugs and beers in a nearly comatose state, do not worry and do not take care of her. Leave her to the fucking predators. She might mistake your caring attitude and the fact that you stayed with her all night to make sure she was ok, and then accuse you of taking advantage of her. It's not your business. After all, she was the one who took the drugs and drank the beer, right? Why should you bother? Why should you take care of her and tell her exactly what happened when she lost consciousness when she can later accuse you of doing something you wouldn't even consider doing? Even though you've taken care of lots of your other female friends and looked after them and hell, even their husbands trust you to go out with them. Oh no, you behave decently towards this person and the next thing you know, she might start accussing you of things you didn't do? Fuck it, next time I see this person passed out, leave her there. Don't bother. Let the fucking predators take her and do whatever they want with her. This person needs to grow the fuck up. I won't have anything to do with her. I've never ever in my life been treated with such disrespect. Such mistrust. Fuck!!!!!!!!!!! Oh well, that's what you get when you behave like a decent human being.
BTW Merry Xmas. I reckon this is my xmas present. Fuck!
music non-stop
Music Doth Soothe Thee Savage Beast. If not for Internet Radio, I'd be dead, or crazy or both. Dub almighty, pumped up trance, industrial, you name it. There to be listened. YAY!!!!!
tell me a beautiful lie
Tell me a beautiful lie
so I can believe it
Sell me the dream
the happy ending
The show
The sweetness of it
so good and light
and high
Ease my fears
Drown my nagging suspicion
Just let me hear that lie once again
So I can bask in it
for a little while
for another moment
so I can believe it
Sell me the dream
the happy ending
The show
The sweetness of it
so good and light
and high
Ease my fears
Drown my nagging suspicion
Just let me hear that lie once again
So I can bask in it
for a little while
for another moment
Saving Citizen Daryl
Please help my friend Daryl realize his dream. I'd stay and fight for change, but Lord knows he's had enough.
what a way to start the week
so it's 1:24 and the calls comes through. the one i knew would come sooner or later with this girl. it doesn't hurt at all, because i knew there was no future. i rode the wave as far as i could. i leave her with a clean conscience.
I Can't Get No Sleep. I Need To Sleep. Sleeping Is Optional.
Sleeping. Ah. Yeah. That. Really Optional these last few days, to be honest.
Had a surreal kinda blast last night at Pulsorock's 6th Anniversary Bash at El Teatro. Great music. Saw a lot of good people and finally got to meet one of the coolest people in the boards there. Actually met others as well.
I've been kinda harsh to the girl I'm seeing, and I apologize. I mean, she's a handle. Friday night I had to take care of her because she did too much of the things that cost you too much, if you know what I mean. Left kinda early and took her to a place so she could get some rest and get sorted. Fortunately it all went well and the next morning I was home. When she came to and I told her all the things that happened we laughed a lot and then we kissed for a long time. That was really cool and a great way to start your day.
I was having breakfast and about to go to bed when Daif called me to install some software in his machine. I went to his stepdad's business, took care of things and I think I might be onto some consulting gig. It took all day and almost missed Saturday night's date with the girl. Watched LOTR:Return Of The King with her and then we talked a lot about personal stuff. It was a nice long deep chat. We won't see each other physically until after Xmas but it was good. I don't know how long this thing will last, but it's interesting to see how things develop.
Had a surreal kinda blast last night at Pulsorock's 6th Anniversary Bash at El Teatro. Great music. Saw a lot of good people and finally got to meet one of the coolest people in the boards there. Actually met others as well.
I've been kinda harsh to the girl I'm seeing, and I apologize. I mean, she's a handle. Friday night I had to take care of her because she did too much of the things that cost you too much, if you know what I mean. Left kinda early and took her to a place so she could get some rest and get sorted. Fortunately it all went well and the next morning I was home. When she came to and I told her all the things that happened we laughed a lot and then we kissed for a long time. That was really cool and a great way to start your day.
I was having breakfast and about to go to bed when Daif called me to install some software in his machine. I went to his stepdad's business, took care of things and I think I might be onto some consulting gig. It took all day and almost missed Saturday night's date with the girl. Watched LOTR:Return Of The King with her and then we talked a lot about personal stuff. It was a nice long deep chat. We won't see each other physically until after Xmas but it was good. I don't know how long this thing will last, but it's interesting to see how things develop.
Last Nite pt 57893839
Last Nite Would Have Been A Little Bit Better, But Then Again...... Pt. 5789349303
For the record I did called the girl three times to see if she wanted to go out. No answer. She finally called 55 mins. later I left for Old San Juan with my friend Revkunin. Her loss.
I didn't manage to go to Santos' b-day bash because the person I was going with wasn't reachable. I did left a message though. Oh well.
Vic Vega and The Caligaris rocked Don Pablo. Looking forward to seeing them again this Saturday at Willie Wanker's Party
DJ Darknel ruled the decks on Lazer. I danced my butt off and the turnout was a bit better than the last time I went.
I drank a bit and was kinda very fucking horny, but dancing took my mind off the pursuit of the females. Anyway I was telling some jokes about it with Mhx, which was cool. Sexual frustration is always a good subject FOR ME TO POOP ON! No, sorry, actually it is a funny subject when you're a bit tipsy.
The Rev and I drove back home and talked a bit about women and it was cool. I hope he gets his girl. I hope I can enjoy whatever I have with this one I'm seeing. I don't think it will last at all, but hey.
Anyway today I got a job interview and later tonight I'll be going to Pulsorock's 6th Anniversary Party and make fun of all those wacky kids, drink, dance, and meet someone of the boards I've been looking forward to meet. Actually some people there are mad at me too and I expect to meet them as well. If one of them gets really stupid and tries to hit me, I'll look forward to that too. It would be very stupid for him to try, and I'm looking forward for him to be that stupid.
Have a great weekend you tossers!
For the record I did called the girl three times to see if she wanted to go out. No answer. She finally called 55 mins. later I left for Old San Juan with my friend Revkunin. Her loss.
I didn't manage to go to Santos' b-day bash because the person I was going with wasn't reachable. I did left a message though. Oh well.
Vic Vega and The Caligaris rocked Don Pablo. Looking forward to seeing them again this Saturday at Willie Wanker's Party
DJ Darknel ruled the decks on Lazer. I danced my butt off and the turnout was a bit better than the last time I went.
I drank a bit and was kinda very fucking horny, but dancing took my mind off the pursuit of the females. Anyway I was telling some jokes about it with Mhx, which was cool. Sexual frustration is always a good subject FOR ME TO POOP ON! No, sorry, actually it is a funny subject when you're a bit tipsy.
The Rev and I drove back home and talked a bit about women and it was cool. I hope he gets his girl. I hope I can enjoy whatever I have with this one I'm seeing. I don't think it will last at all, but hey.
Anyway today I got a job interview and later tonight I'll be going to Pulsorock's 6th Anniversary Party and make fun of all those wacky kids, drink, dance, and meet someone of the boards I've been looking forward to meet. Actually some people there are mad at me too and I expect to meet them as well. If one of them gets really stupid and tries to hit me, I'll look forward to that too. It would be very stupid for him to try, and I'm looking forward for him to be that stupid.
Have a great weekend you tossers!
patience, lack thereof and the return of the king
Patience, Lack Thereof and the Return of The King.
Maybe It's the age difference or it's the fact that I can't seem to trust anyone after what I've been through (except the fling with my ex. that went beautifully), but why do my dealings with this girl are exasperating. Yeah, I take part of the blame in one situation, but I'm not at fault at the rest of them. I don't think this has any kind of future, but let's see what happens. I've got a busy weekend and I plan to enjoy it regardless.
Well LOTR: Return Of The King was wonderfully. If it doesn't get Academy nominations for Viggo Mortensen, Ian McKellen, Elijah Wood, Sean Astin or the guys who played Merry and Pippin, I'll be upset. Peter Jackson's handling of the trilogy was superb. Had a great time. Regina my sister in law sent me a big bottle of Allure by Chanel. Great smelling cologne. Nice nice. Got the dole check sorted out and an interview tomorrow. Wheeeeeeeee!
Ok my favorite films of the year are:
LOTR: Return Of The King
Kill Bill
28 Days Later
Mystic River
Pretty Dirty Things
Ciudad De Deus
They all managed to be pretty interesting, great acting, solid scripts and good directors. Records maybe later.
So here's the schedule for the weekend:
Tonight - Vic Vega and The Caligaris @ Don Pablo, Cummunion at Lazer's, Santos B-Day Bash @ Moorings.
Friday - Pulsorock's 6th Anniversary Party and After Party
Saturday - Willie Wanker's B-Day Bash @ Vampire
Sunday - La Experiencia De Ton~ito Cabanillas live somewhere in Bayamon I think.
So it's the official pre Xmas party weekend. Woot!
Maybe It's the age difference or it's the fact that I can't seem to trust anyone after what I've been through (except the fling with my ex. that went beautifully), but why do my dealings with this girl are exasperating. Yeah, I take part of the blame in one situation, but I'm not at fault at the rest of them. I don't think this has any kind of future, but let's see what happens. I've got a busy weekend and I plan to enjoy it regardless.
Well LOTR: Return Of The King was wonderfully. If it doesn't get Academy nominations for Viggo Mortensen, Ian McKellen, Elijah Wood, Sean Astin or the guys who played Merry and Pippin, I'll be upset. Peter Jackson's handling of the trilogy was superb. Had a great time. Regina my sister in law sent me a big bottle of Allure by Chanel. Great smelling cologne. Nice nice. Got the dole check sorted out and an interview tomorrow. Wheeeeeeeee!
Ok my favorite films of the year are:
LOTR: Return Of The King
Kill Bill
28 Days Later
Mystic River
Pretty Dirty Things
Ciudad De Deus
They all managed to be pretty interesting, great acting, solid scripts and good directors. Records maybe later.
So here's the schedule for the weekend:
Tonight - Vic Vega and The Caligaris @ Don Pablo, Cummunion at Lazer's, Santos B-Day Bash @ Moorings.
Friday - Pulsorock's 6th Anniversary Party and After Party
Saturday - Willie Wanker's B-Day Bash @ Vampire
Sunday - La Experiencia De Ton~ito Cabanillas live somewhere in Bayamon I think.
So it's the official pre Xmas party weekend. Woot!
soledad
un vacio
un hueco adentro
un espacio
que solo llena
tu presencia
tu sonrisa
tus besos
tus caricias
heme aqui
en un mar de gente
y mi interior
vacio
deshabitado
esperando
tu presencia
y extran~ando
tu calor
un hueco adentro
un espacio
que solo llena
tu presencia
tu sonrisa
tus besos
tus caricias
heme aqui
en un mar de gente
y mi interior
vacio
deshabitado
esperando
tu presencia
y extran~ando
tu calor
Talking to some friends online. Writing rants on a friends page. Procastrinating and I have to go to the post office. Aaaaaaah.
The Big Comedown.
I hate weasels. Specially married weasels preying on single women. Specially callous married weasels preying on single women making them believe that they're single. Especially when those single women happen to be my friends. I love smashing their little world to bits. They deserve it because of their hipocrisy, the lies, the bullshit. Especially when the other one learns of it the hard way. Oh well, but that's just me.
The best kind of affairs
The best kind of affairs are the ones when you know it's gonna end. When you know there's no future, but the moments you choose to spend together. When you know there's nothing past what you have. My ex and I had a fling that started on Halloween and ended today. All mature. Professional. Surgical. No hard feelings. We're still friends. We knew what we were getting into and it's peacefully over. I just want her to know that I value her friendship and I wish her the best. Thanks.
Gaaaaaaaah. Ok I'm So Much Better Now
GAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Ok. I'm so much better now.
Emotional rollercoaster rides from love interests aside, yesterday I rehearsed with good ole Revkunin. More tunage and lunch with the guy. Came home wanted to go to a rave and got on the guest list......but........I DIDNT HAVE A FOOKIN RIDE!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAARGH OH THE HUMANITY!!!!!!! Anyway to add some more troubles to the ongoing struggle I typed the wrong command while updating my Linux distro on the laptop and had to reinstall the whole thing and download updates and whatnot. Somehow when I hit apt-get can't get to install gnome, but the rest of it went smoothly. And here we are.
Ok. I think I should sleep or something, right?
On Monday I'll have to deal with more bureaucratic madness regarding my dole check. Got some Xmas bonus money and half of it was spent two days ago, but it's all good.
Ok I really think I should get some sleep.
Emotional rollercoaster rides from love interests aside, yesterday I rehearsed with good ole Revkunin. More tunage and lunch with the guy. Came home wanted to go to a rave and got on the guest list......but........I DIDNT HAVE A FOOKIN RIDE!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAARGH OH THE HUMANITY!!!!!!! Anyway to add some more troubles to the ongoing struggle I typed the wrong command while updating my Linux distro on the laptop and had to reinstall the whole thing and download updates and whatnot. Somehow when I hit apt-get can't get to install gnome, but the rest of it went smoothly. And here we are.
Ok. I think I should sleep or something, right?
On Monday I'll have to deal with more bureaucratic madness regarding my dole check. Got some Xmas bonus money and half of it was spent two days ago, but it's all good.
Ok I really think I should get some sleep.
I wonder what the fuck is wrong with some people, really.
I wonder what the fuck is wrong with some people. Shit, I've heard of moodswings and chemical imbalance, but this girl takes the fucking cake hands down. Again, another silly argument. Fuck off girlie girl. I do not need your shit. Go find someone else and make his life miserable. Just not me sweetie.
I want to apologize to D and Iron. Sorry guys you caught me right after that little fracas and it wouldn't be fair to you to deal with me right then and there. My sincere apologies.
Aside from that saw Ongo and Ricanstruction last night at Bleacher's. Nice place and both bands amazing onstage. Intense.
I want to apologize to D and Iron. Sorry guys you caught me right after that little fracas and it wouldn't be fair to you to deal with me right then and there. My sincere apologies.
Aside from that saw Ongo and Ricanstruction last night at Bleacher's. Nice place and both bands amazing onstage. Intense.
One picture Is Better Than A Thousand Words
Well, the girl that had an argument with me called me and messaged me today to apologize. Glad that she saw the light. It's all good.
In other news, Just Read And Enjoy. Claymates and everyone who follows these American Idol and their assorted clones worldwide can burn in the deepest circle of hell, thank you very much. Triumph rules! Even when he disses my man Phillip Glass.
In other news, Just Read And Enjoy. Claymates and everyone who follows these American Idol and their assorted clones worldwide can burn in the deepest circle of hell, thank you very much. Triumph rules! Even when he disses my man Phillip Glass.
so why am i up posting here anyway?
last night went to two shows. one a tribute to sonic youth made by some friends. i wouldn't say that they actually covered sonic youth. more like a reference point, but it was fun nonetheless. then i met my ex and some friends for an 80's retro gothic kinda party, but someone should tell the promoter/dj that he needs to actually PROMOTE his party in order to get it full of people and that he needs to actually PLAN his DJ set so it has some sense of logic, speed, buids up and whatnot. at least i had fun among friends and then came home and chatted till 6:30 am. so why the fuck am i up posting here? dunno. i guess i can always go back to sleep. adam freeland and k-swing this saturday. if i can somehow accomplish to get some cash, i might go.
I haven't done this in a while so bear with me ok?
You are Rowlf.
You are a loner, and love classical music, You can
play the piano without opposable thumbs. Then
again, you are just a Muppet.
ALSO KNOWN AS:
Ol' Brown Ears
HOBBIES:
Piano playing, punning, fetching.
QUOTE:
"My bark is worse than my bite, and my piano
playing beats 'em both."
FAVORITE MOVIE:
"The Dogfather"
FAVORITE COMPOSER:
Poochini
FAVORITE SONG:
"I've Never Harmed An Onion, So Why Should
They Make Me Cry?"
What Muppet are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
"change the things you can
accept the things you can't
learn to know the difference"
- nick nolte as bob montana in "the good thief"
words to live by.
accept the things you can't
learn to know the difference"
- nick nolte as bob montana in "the good thief"
words to live by.
I decided to change the layout. Because I can.
I decided to tell a current love interest to fuck off. Because I can.
Actually she deserved it. I don't have time for her drama and her bullshit. I can have a difference of opinion on a lot of issues with anyone, but I guess my patience with 20 year old drama queens wears pretty thin pretty fast. Next!
BTW, Kelis' "Milkshake" is too hot for words, while Triumph The Insult Comic Dog's latest makes me wanna piss myself laughing. Just watch the video. Reminds me of the good ol' TV FUNHOUSE days. Sick but really funny.
I decided to tell a current love interest to fuck off. Because I can.
Actually she deserved it. I don't have time for her drama and her bullshit. I can have a difference of opinion on a lot of issues with anyone, but I guess my patience with 20 year old drama queens wears pretty thin pretty fast. Next!
BTW, Kelis' "Milkshake" is too hot for words, while Triumph The Insult Comic Dog's latest makes me wanna piss myself laughing. Just watch the video. Reminds me of the good ol' TV FUNHOUSE days. Sick but really funny.
it's weird today. i don't know. sort of sick. paranoid. tired. i don't know. can't pin it down. hopefully, it will pass. if not, i'll deal with it.
all the flesh and all it wants
the oldest dance of them all
my hands all over you
body to body
we give ourselves
to the moment
we throw caution to the wind
leave nothing behind
you're getting high on me
i'm getting drunk on you
it's not everyday
we make love like this
dawn takes me away
unwillingly
we'll meet again
the oldest dance of them all
my hands all over you
body to body
we give ourselves
to the moment
we throw caution to the wind
leave nothing behind
you're getting high on me
i'm getting drunk on you
it's not everyday
we make love like this
dawn takes me away
unwillingly
we'll meet again
There are things in this life I can't change and I have to accept them.
There are things in this life I can't accept and I strive to change them.
This year has been a nice litle rollercoaster ride, not unlike the last. I've loved. I've lived. I've gone thru hell and highwater. I've met some wonderful people. I've got rid of some ugly people. I've been hurt and I've got the scars to prove it. I 've had time to lick my wounds, to cry, to grieve the loss and the betrayal. I'm still here. I'm still standing. The Japanese have a saying: all debts whether of gratitude or vengeance, must be repaid. They're being paid as we speak. Some earlier than others. I'm grateful for those who are around after all this time, and all this crap. Thank you.
There are things in this life I can't accept and I strive to change them.
This year has been a nice litle rollercoaster ride, not unlike the last. I've loved. I've lived. I've gone thru hell and highwater. I've met some wonderful people. I've got rid of some ugly people. I've been hurt and I've got the scars to prove it. I 've had time to lick my wounds, to cry, to grieve the loss and the betrayal. I'm still here. I'm still standing. The Japanese have a saying: all debts whether of gratitude or vengeance, must be repaid. They're being paid as we speak. Some earlier than others. I'm grateful for those who are around after all this time, and all this crap. Thank you.
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