3 AM and I'm awake listening to the rain and hearing the dumptrucks go around the city. There's an interview tomorrow and bills to be paid. I don't particularly look forward for this job because it's a part-time and I don't like doing telemarketing but something's got to be done in order to pay the bills. I'm looking for other jobs as well. Hopefully those will turn up. Aside from that, not much to do. Whatta boring life.

The fact that I *still* miss her makes life a tad more unpleasant to bear tonight. Yeah, I miss touch, warmth, caring, her stare, her eyes, her smile. Things that make me melt, feel human, feel wanted, feel love. Yeah, at the end of the day or during the day for that matter I miss all of those things. I miss so much of that. Sometimes it's painful. Like tonight. It just hurts.

Months ago, I confessed to an acquaintance that I finally understand why some people need drugs in their life. In their view they take away the pain and suffering and sheer boredom that life brings. No, I'm not planning to take that route. I'm too old, too jaded, seen to much to take that route knowingly. Like all sorts of pain, sometimes you just have to take it. Take the pain, bear it, make it yours. Sometimes enduring it brings out the best in you. Builds character. So I take it, I've been building my character for quite a while. Some days I manage to let go and carry on. Tonight I guess I can't.

I'll try to get back to bed, listen to the rain. I might even get some sleep before daylight sneaks in. Now leave me alone. Take care.