dreamland. in this bar, it's raining and cold outside, yet i'm in this bar, all seems to be sort of blurry. the bar lit by oil lamps and candles. everyone there pale, dressed in black, dark colours, dyed black hair and lipstick everywhere. england by the accents, but nowhere i've been before. here i am drinking some brandy to keep the cold away. some music playing in the background, kind of backwards, trip hoppy. people talking in small crowds. i am talking to myself, the barkeep and some girl that's sitting and drinking next to me. attempts at conversation are done but the girl and i know that words are on the way. all the flesh and all it wants. we kiss for a while. i start to caress her thighs and we stop. too fast, too soon and seems i fucked up there. awkward conversation. she leaves. i'm alone. cold. the barkeep is an asian (hindu) woman. we exchange pleasantries. so fucking cold. i wake up with that chill on my bones and a deep sense of longing.

i missed circo's gig last night. i could've made an effort but sadly it was tuesday and i didn't find no one to go with. today i pay the bills and i'm stuck with $10. i need a fucking job. thursday lazer and friday icaro azul at el teatro. wheeeeeee!