couldn't blog much last night. very tired and headed for bed. still, meeting V. was the highlight of the evening. she's funny and i made her laugh a lot. her honesty is refreshing. i like that. "i don't kiss on the first date. nor the second, nor the third. don't get your hopes high. well, maybe just a little bit then". that statement basically floored me, made me laugh and i got a lot of respect for that. well Ms. V. at least there's hope. and you know that hope is my heroin. i look forward to see you this coming week.

got invited to go out last night but i was too tired. then my friend t. asked me to see if i was going to hard rock cafe to see a friend's band. i refused due to the same reason, but i'll see if i get out tonight.

i got up this morning shaking. lmcc appeared on my dreams again. somehow she and her kids were here in pr. they were brought by alfred d. herger (a local psychologist, personality, etc. yeah i know file that under what the fuck?) and i was with the kids. we were walking through this office and this hallway. he was mentioning that he was working with the fruity loops people (the image-line program company, not the cereal. again, file that under what the fuck?) on their image redesign. we were talking about that and we go out of the hallway to this hall near the port in old san juan where all the cruises are. i take the kids to this old couple that i dont know who they are but they recognize each other so i carry the kids like i used to do when we pretended they could fly so they could kiss this people. i turn around and i see her. she has my back to me and she's signing some package. thing is she signs it with her first name and my last name. turns around and smiles. i am speechless at this point. my heart is racing. i wake up. i couldn't stop shaking. i know it's a dream. a goddamn dream. still....

it seems my former bank and place of employment in tennesee's been fucking around with me and i'll have to call them in order to get a letter from them so i can open a bank account here. shit. oh well....

here are two things i wrote yesterday....

this is the part when i let go
this is the part when i give up
this is the part
when all my dreams are dying

this is the part
where everything's said
this is the part
where everything's done
this is the part
where hope lies bleeding

nothing to embrace
no one to hold
sail adrift
it's all gone

###

to V.

you are lovely
and lively
just one thing:
don't let your youth go to waste

don't look back
nor dwell on things past
time flies too fast
look forward to better things

i know it's hard
been there, done that
but i think you deserve
something better than that

don't let your youth go to waste
i know you tried your best
but some matters
are better left
untouched

you have so much
and had so little
i only one thing to say
don't let your youth go to waste