Here I am slepless, restless. Again. Tossing, turning. Trying to get some sleep. Something. I don't want to be aware. I don't want to be awake. I don't want to feel. This. Emptiness. Waves of longing. Waves of regret. Things that should be buried surface. Feelings considered done and dealt with. Emerge. And it fucking hurts me. Cause if anything, I don't want this to overtake me again. I have a right to feel happy. With myself. With others. I cannot turn black the clock. I faced the music and dealt with the outcome. Still it comes. And I'd wish I had someone at my side. To kiss. To hold. To caress. To tell me it's alright. That's the past, I'm here for you. That would soothe me. Right now I have none of that. Friends are always welcome, but I need more than that. Something to make me feel alive and worthy. Please. I want to feel that again. Please.