Here is the article about the situation in Northern Ireland I described earlier. It's a fucking disgrace when innocent children are harassed, taunted and abused just because they're from a different religion. And people wonder why I despise religious fanatics.

There's only so much I can pack and carry with me.... It's just like starting all over again. I just hope this one has a happy ending. I know I can. I know I can. Let me get a jog and a good, honest, sex-starved woman with similar interests....lol..... I can only ask for so much, right?

Added a space to place your comments, and a link to my radio station, if you care. Thought you wouldn't :D

The Hate continues....

More anthrax scares and all this pounding on Afghanistan hasn't amounted to much, innit? I mean this country's infrastructure was already fucked by the Russians for ten years and then the Taliban so it's basically pointless. Especially when the Taliban is waiting for our troops the second they land on Afghan territory. That's when the going gets tough. Or maybe not.

In Belfast, the Troubles continue. Protestants now turn their hatred on Catholic School girls ages four and up. I shit you not. Stoning, harassing them and attacking them on their way to school!!!!. I guess we don't have to go far accross the world to see evidence of needless hatred and stupidity. I also read reports on today's paper that many passengers in aircraft are taking a more offensive reaction to highjackers on plains. Understandable, but wait till the first 'vigilante' action falls upon the wrong passengers. Lawsuits can be so costly, not to mention criminal charges on assault on top of all that.

Sometimes I wonder about the human race...

I have this sadness about me right now and I can't help it. I've been crying non-stop and writing emails in hopes of reaching anyone.
No avail. My only reason to live is hope for a better tomorrow. Hope is my heroin, and I need a fix right now. That's the only thing keeping me here. That and the fact that I absolutely do not want to die here. I'd rather die in Puerto Rico thanks.

Tuesday. Out of here. Back home. Yes!

I had a dream three days ago on her birthday. I was at work and inadvertently dialed her number. She answered and I told her I called her by mistake but that I wished her and her son a happy birthday. She smiled said "thank you". I asked her how she was doing and she replied "you know". I told her that I knew it was hard but if she needed me, to call me. Then I woke up crying. She still haunts my memory. I sent her a birthday card by email, but I know she's gone. Damn.

Yesterday was my last day at work. I'm up early because I have to pack and do all kinds of shit. Also moving websites. My main ISP will be gone with my move. I still have a free year of another, so it will do while I hustle for a DSL or faster connection back home.

A kiss, I am cold.......

War. It's like nobody expected this kind of retaliation, right? Again, this one feels so unreal like a videogame or worse. Actually the only thing we see from this war are the missiles and planes being launched. No one's on the ground or not that I know of. Then again, I have disconnected myself from it. After the reports of those anthrax scares, it's freaking me out. If this is a bioweapon, they have a sick sense of humor bordering on the crazy side. Sending it to a tabloid publication. So it reaches the supermarket and the average moron who reads them. Scary.

Ok I'm getting ready to pack my bags. I'm leaving in a week and no one's stopping me. Fucking had enough of all of this. I can't control when I'm dying but I'd rather die on my home, anywhere but here.

Happy birthday dear ex and your son. I hope your day is better than mine and hope your operation goes well. I miss you.

It's 2am what the hell am I doing up? lol. Ran out of St. John's Wort a couple of days ago. It's not going to be an easy ride. Like Wesley Willis would say: "get your ass ready for a hellride". Trust me, he knows.

I just want to chill out this weekend. Pack my bags. Sleep. Get ready. Soon my stay here will be over. I look forward to go back home to uncertainty but at least there's family, friends and I know the territory. lol. Have a great weekend.

I miss my online friends too. Damnit. Too early in the morning. Back to bed. :D

I just want to say that even though you hate me with all your heart, I wish you and your son a Happy Birthday.

There's another reason I'm leaving Trashville and i'd like to keep it private. This is as public as it gets but I believe that individuals need and deserve a modicum of privacy. Let's leave it at that.

for those of you who haven't read the news a deranged Croatian killed himself and five others while trying to hijack a Greyhound bus two hours from here. Like my buddy Daryl said, it's the end of mass anonymous ground transportation. The clampdown in full effect. It's funny how Dubya mentions freedom but meanwhile all this shit brings out more repression. Definetely I have no intentions of staying in Trashville, Tennessee longer than I have to.

I know I haven't posted in a while and I apologize. I know I've been grieving over my breakup way too much but It's been four years and there are things that remind me of her. I'm getting over it slowly. My friend Mistress Avalon has taken flight elsewhere again. Hope she's still within reach. BUT looks like my ass is outta Nashville. More developments when they become available.

I don't know but there are rumors that the government wants to institute a national I.D. Big Brother taking over eh? Wait, what are those social security numbers if not for ID, huh?

That and the possible retributions of a US attack on the Taliban got me a bit worried.

If you bother to care about the status of my website, and my webcasts, they're fine thanks. Just because I might move doesn't mean it's all over kiddies. Trust me Uncle Jose's got it covered. LOL.

Well another shitty day, thanks for asking. Lots of work and added to several factors almost made me walk out of the job today. The fact that I had bills to pay kept me from doing that, but I'm just looking for a better offer.

Anyway:

The feds were grounding cropdusters because they were fearful some nut might use a cropduster to spread some biowarfare weapon. When I read that something inside me just snapped. I really don't want to stay in Trashville anymore. If some conflict erupts, I want to stay close to my family. I don't particularly want to die in Trashville, Tennessee.

After morbid introspection and being deppressed for being lonely (yeah even I get tired of that sometimes), it just hit me over the head. A simple epiphany or what can be described as "a moment of clarity".

Be Grateful Of What You Have. Forget About What You Don't Have

I'll keep this in mind and I am grateful. Then again, I've never been much of a comformist.

More reports of outright bigotry and blatant stupidity. Mainly:
1. President Bush calls for a 'crusade'. Many people get absolutely pissed. Sheepishly Dubya apologizes.
2. Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson blame basically anyone who's not a white anglo saxon protestant male for the bombings. After the fallout, they deny everything and when even Dubya rebukes them and when confronted with the tape, Falwell says he's "sorry". Back to the Dark Ages, eh?
3. Three people are denied boarding a Northwestern Airlines flight to Salt Lake City in Minneapolis because they happen to be of Arab descent. They were given $10 food coupons and bumped to another airline. So much for tolerance, eh?

In a much better note, there are links on the left side of the blog. Click them or else.

Kudos to Daryl for creating help not hate. Count me in and bright blessings to you and your family. Check out his blog.

It's interesting how people are crying for blood but ignoring the fact that until recently the US was supporting the Taliban. Now we're going to war with these fools. Life is that ironic, innit?

I don't know what to say and what to think right now. I guess I'm in my own little world. I think I'm gonna work some songs I programmed back home.

Moby you are a self-serving whiny little media whore bitch. And now you backed off your statements you made after the bombing. Another case of swallowing your foot you bald bitch. Let's add another one to this fucking wimp's list. You embody everything I fucking despise about so-called 'liberals'.

Bush wants Bin Laden dead or alive and his cowboy attitude is not helping. Anyone with a grasp of geography will suddenly notice that Afghanistan is surrounded by countries not exactly friendly to the US or Dubya. Where does he plan to set up camp, I wonder? So much for the war he wants to bring to our living rooms.

I decided to stop caring today. Or rather to stop caring for people outside my immediate family. Not that suddenly I'll become this cold unfeeling bastard (trust me, the temptation is there, but i need a really good excuse). but I think the more I try to help people in need with advice and suggestions, the least attention they put to it. Fuck them. Truly. It's fucked how many times I try to help people with some advice they asked me to give and then they do the exact opposite or worse, nothing at all. Yeah I'm fucking mad now, and I'm just sick of it. So I'm going to save myself the trouble of caring. I'll try to take care of my life. Selfish? Yes, but honestly, 99.9% of the people aren't worth it.

And while I'm on the subject: fuck you you ungrateful bitch. You know who you are. I gave you my fucking life and you walked out when I needed you the most. I just paid you in the same fucking coin. All that hate and rage inside you rots whatever's left from your body and whatever your disease has not taken care of, your hatred and anger will. I'm only sorry because you'll leave behind 2 kids who have nothing to do with it. You didn't have many true friends to begin with and you just burned your bridges with me, you selfish cunt. Fine, be that way. Just don't expect me to cry at your funeral. You're already dead to me.

As much as I love and respect women, I can never understand their little moods. Some of them might be related to the hormones, others, I don't even know. If any male can safely and accurately figure women out, please holler.

You know what? Fucking right. Until now we were a generation (at least in the USA/Puerto Rico) of empty heads, no conviction. It takes something like Sept 11 to wake our collective asses off. To get up and evaluate everything around you. To really appreciate life. And with all due respect to the victims of the bombing and the fact that they were innocent people caught at the wrong place and at the wrong time, in this fucking anger and outrage that I feel, I hope we do go to war.

Why? Not because it will certainly complicate matters and will start an endless circle of reprisals and shit. Just because it will thin out the population, give us more breathing room, get people off the fucking planet and maybe with all these struggle and shit that will follow, our fucking generation will fucking grow some conviction, some balls, something other than the fucking numbed pablum that we live today.

By the way, fucking numbskulls at work here in fucking N(tr)ashville. An Iraqui immigrant got his two cars burned in front of his house, his son harassed at school and business harassed too. An arab woman almost got swerved on the road by yahoos in pick up trucks. Some islamic/arab businesses were hit by angry assholes and a fucking catfish joint in Kentucky has a sign that says 'NO CAMEL JOCKEYS ALLOWED." We need a fucking war so we can draft all these ignorant assholes and hopefully they will get their asses killed in the name of 'democracy'.

I am sick of the endless parade of repeating the same crap over the television. There's a modicum of progress, but the general mood of this country is to bomb them first and ask questions later. This is really fucked up and surreal. Friday I got drunk first time in months and then went to eat some Thai food with my brother to take the buzz off. Some saturday shopping and now I'm so bored. Heh. Oh well. Tomorrow's back to the office so. Life is so boring today it's not even funny. Change is happening, albeit slowly. Ok. I'm off now.

Mientras mas leo, mas me preocupo. Los medios no cuestionan la 'version oficial' de los hechos, repitiendo la imagen de Osama Bin Laden una y otra vez. Y que pasa si no fue el? Yo entiendo la rabia y frustracion del publico por estos crimenes pero esto se puede transformar en un sentimiento anti-arabe y esto simplemente es inaceptable. Ruego que la represalia que viene no sea al blanco equivocado.

The more I read, the more I worry. The media doesn't even bother to question the 'official version' of the vents and limits itself to show Osama Bin Laden's picture again and again. What happens if it's not him? I understand and sympathize with the public's rage and frustration, but I'm afraid that those powerful emotions translate into an anti-arab sentiment, and that's totally unnaceptable. I hope that the reprisals don't hit the wrong target.

Esto es un relato en directo desde NYC cortesia de mi amiga Liza Rosa Bustos. Lean:

No fue Godzilla, tampoco King Kong. Esta vez las criaturas que perforaron las torres fueron aviones comerciales.

Era martes, la gente llegaba a su trabajo (o salia). Como son muy altas, solo se puede subir a las torres entramos (si la memoria no me falla era del 2do piso al 37, del 37 al 60 y tanto, del 60 y tanto al 102). Dado el grado de dificultad para bajar, es comprensible que despues del infernal impacto mucha gente saltara desde el piso 80 para evitar morir quemada.

Muchos espectadores pensaron que eran escombros los que caian del piso 80. Se equivocaron. Era gente.

9/11

A todos aquí les parecio estar viviendo una pelicula, los correos electronicos y las lineas de telefono atochadas...el metro suspendido y la gente cruzando la isla y las ciudades contiguas a pie...La escuela esta suspendida, nadie va al trabajo, los hospitales llenos de medicos... las calles plagadas con autos federales cruzando freeticamente de un extremo a otro la ciudad. Los noticiarios entregando la lista pasajeros muertos, las miles de historias que se cuelan por el concreto donde antes estaban las torres, en fin


Se acabaron las postales con las torres paralelas. Mucha gente va llorando por la calle. El telon es la inconfundible columna de humo alrededor del hoyo dejado por las Twin Towers puede verse desde cualquier punto de la ciudad.

A las 12 del dia del 9/11, la isla estaba vacia, las tiendas cerradas, no habia taxis, la escasa gente extranamente generosa y ayudandose, los telefonos, los peajes gratis. “Salgan de la isla”, le decian a los conductores de autos que transitaban cerca de los puentes, “Evite Manhattan”, decian los letretros a quienes se aproximaban por carretera a la ciudad.

Todas los puentes estaban cerrados, sin acceso. Y es que no era para menos. La realidad superaba la ficcion de Hollywood. Todo lo absurdo era real.

Todo parece apuntar a los fundamentalistas islamicos. Lo raro es que nadie, ni siquiera Usama Bin Laden cuya fotografia se asoma a ratos por la televison, se haya adjudicado la tremenda gracia.

Expertos del aire opinan que la certera maestria con la que los pilotos se estrellaron en las torres fue de calidad profesional. Las pistas llevan a Daytona, escuela de pilotos donde por 26 mil dolares aproximadamente se presume los secuestradores recibieron entrenamiento adecuado para tener rotundo éxito en la mision.

Se encontro un automovil con manuales de piloteo de avion escritos en arabe. Aunque nadie se ha atribuido el hecho...muchos musulmanes que viven en los Estados Unidos han recibido amenazas de muerte por telefono. Se puede ver a muchos americanos, precavidos ellos, llenando sus tanques con gasolina, temiendo consecuencias del acto de guerra y provoque alzas o escaseo de combustible.

Todos estamos bien, con pena y en ascuas. Gracias mil por preocuparse. Alguien dijo por ahí que todos teniamos al menos una persona que conociamos alli y si. Asi es.

Acaban de sacar a 7 personas con vida de los escombros, eran personal de rescate y eso ya es un aliciente. Pero a nadie se le borra el patetico paisaje, los escombros en un espacio donde todos habiamos comprado mas de alguna vez o donde muchos, incluyendome a mi, habian trabajado, la gente que nunca podra ser encontrada.

Tras esta muestra de violencia sin precedentes, muchos americanos recuerdan Pearl Harbor. Pero pocos vieron personalmente los estragos que causo el ataque japones.
Esta vez el cuento es diferente y no concierne solo a gladiadores. La victima pudo ser cualquier persona viajando en otro lado del mundo, un turista visitando, un junior pasando por ahí o un encargado de mantencion trabajando a millon para la familia.


Estan ademas las imágenes televisivas (y sin efectos especiales) las torres cayendo en picada sobre la calles (que en ese extremo de la ciudad son muy angostas), los replays de aviones cohetes, cargadas de gente aterrorizada, atravesando las columnas seguidas por la explosion infernal de fuego y humo.

Solo hay que pisar afuera y echarle una ojeada al cielo para darse cuenta que este espantoso paisaje resultante no tiene nada de televisivo, que es de verdad.

Hay mas de 15 millones de habitantes en NY, eso sin contar aquellos que visitan a diario que lo pueden ver, que saben que es real. Esto quedara, como una senora dijo en la TV, plasmado en nuestro inconsciente colectivo.

Las torres han sido arrancadas de cuajo por un navajazo del cielo empunado por no se sabe quien y aun no se sabe por que....la anonimia y el absurdo se esparce por el cielo tomando la forma de una inconfundible nube marron que al mirar hacia arriba desdibuja el rostro de los que son de aquí y de los que no.

Aside from the obvious reaction to the disaster that happened today; fear, amazement, sadness. Does everyone notice that on the day that a poll is published about the economy being on recession, this stuff happens? Does everyone wonder why when the US economy hits a snag, and we have previous knowledge that an attack will be carried out against the U.S. we ignore the warning, the shit hits the fan and we go to war????

It's not like it's happened before!! Look at Pearl Harbor, Desert Storm, and now this.

My heart *does* go out to the victims and those who died today, but my questions remain.

And here for something completely different:

It was nice to hear from you
It was nice to know you still cared somehow
But then when we actually talk
You don't want to
Grow up some
I don't understand your duality
Your tantrums
Remind me the reasons
I left in the first place
Thanks for reminding me of them
I'll use them whenever I get blue
And think about how much I miss you
and how much I love you
I'll remind myself of your moods
And hopefully the blues will go away