fun with keywords. (rebuilt damnit)

1. descojon urbano - That was my band from 1991-1994. you can find some stuff here. Go forth and buy some.

2. chess tesis education - "THIS IS CHESS MOTHERFUCKER! THIS AIN'T CHECKERS!" - Denzel Washington in "Training Day"

3. a blog.

4. another blog

5. "equal opportunity employment" bullshit - ooooooook

6. 15 anyos rings - 15 year old webrings? ok some pervert is looking for something. get the shotgun.

7. britney sprint imagenes - Make up your mind willya? Are you looking for Britney Spears or Sprint images? I guess he likes to mix telecommunications companies with pop stars.

8. living with a vindictive boyfriend - I think you should ask V about that.

9. none dare call it a conspiracy - Conspiracy A Go Go Baby!

10. pictures A bunch of computer shit busted in an earthquake - Does it gets your rocks off? *shudder*

11. panoptika musica - If it's the PR band, they rock.

12. sleazy motel puerto rico - What? what? i don't know of any sleazy motels here! no sir! honest!

13. aylk - Whatta bunch of fuckheads! Gotta love them! Menudopunk at it's best!

14. allegory + "satanic verses" - The last thing i need is the Ayatollah's hit squad on my tail ok?

15. zeta sexual persona - Yes. That's me.

16. " sorry mother... "eminem" - i didn't mean to hurt you either.

17. "cannot forgive" "kate bush" - I can forgive Kate Bush because she hasn't wronged me, but I can't forgive Tori Amos for making a cheap imitation of Ms. Bush.

18. I need email cheli & Co - I haven't heard from her and even then, I think I better ask her before giving it to you. LOL.

19. binlarden - Ok let me say it once last time: It's Osama Bin Laden you idiots! No he's not here.

20. idle wild, nyc 1948 - That was a good 20 years before my time. Fuck off!

21. insomnia faithless ol skool - Is that old school? Damn, I'm getting old.

22. song texts corrine, corrina - Why?

23. angry people pics - Grrrrrrrrrrr. Happy now?

24. why are you angry - Because of your stupid questions?

25. "birthday girl" song lyrics - Why?

26. zeus's girl - Actually he had several.

27. cojoba - local PR punk band. rawk!

28. alexander gudonov+witness - good movie.

29. "Robert Trujillo" + peru - He's in Metallica now, didn't you hear dude?

30. golpe justo - the best hardcore band in PR. Period.

31. Hello there!

32. Mrs+Mijtus+had+had+enough+of+her+husband's+strange - I can't make any sense of this.

33. kabezudos - Are the Kabezudos De Villa Abajo back? Hmmmmmmm.

34. castin para el miss teen venezuela - Miss Venezuela Teen Casting?

35. godspeed you black emperor arrested in oklahoma - O'er the land of the freeeeeeeeee and the home of the braaaaaaaaaave. Blame Canada!

36. fuck you all angry style - It's FAQ YOU! Yes we're still angry.

37. chotte 1928 - That was 40 years before I was born.

38. death of actor marshall thompson - *looks at audience*

39. fun and angry pictures - Check the pictures links to your left and then get back to me.

40. another blog

41. good away messages for when you r upset for aim - How about FUCK OFF?

42. another blog

43. sean comb's address - Oh this is the White Pages now.

44. ex's pictures - I have them and you don't.

45. lyric+falling for you+jaime rivera - What?

Ok. Here's to next week's installment. Now bugger off!

At V's House. Beautiful. Gorgeous. Quality Time. The only time I feel completely serene, at peace, at home. Mmmmm. Yummy. Ok enough blogging for today. Gotta make the best of it.

ok so i came home yesterday quite early from work. my stomach's a mess. i should've stayed but i couldn't take it running to the bathroom. somehow my mind was straight enough to drive home even in rush hour traffic so i made it home, went to bed and actually slept for quite a while. i feel better now and i'll spend some quality time with lovely v.

an anniversary of sorts is coming this weekend. it's been years ever since but i still can't get it off my mind. a reminder of the crazy things we do for love. oh well. anyway, i should get some more sleep. take care y'all.

There's a storm in heaven, but hopefully we'll manage. Relationships are lots of work., but it's worth it. It just drains me.

Well lots of work going on. Also bought some new gadgets for the laptop. Mobile and wireless. It's cool. Missing V. a lot I just wished we could see each other more frequently but we got our lives to live. Anyway hopefully I'll see her Tuesday and Wendesday. Sunday. Ach. I don't know. Need to sleep more.

more fun with keywords:

1. a picture of asorma binlarden. >>> was he looking for a picture of osama bin laden? or someone else?
2. bacardi silvers >>> a good drink. mmmmmm.
3. pernell roberts and coworkers. >>> huh?
4. willie wanker >>> well that's the nick of one of my friends but lo and behold, there's a porn flick with that name too.
5. pink cellphone >>> oh no. the pink cellphone strikes again!!!!!!!!
6. ze germans come >>> i'm sure they do. LOL
7. Pictures of Cowboys Nightclub in Arlington, TX >>> huh? pt. 2
8. working with a vindictive boss >>> hmmmmmm. you too?
9. mario panoptika >>> good pal. great band.
10. super conductores electronicos >>> electronic superconductors. well we're a high-tech bunch....
11. HICKS MUSTE TATE & FURST >>> 400 radio stations. that's a lot innit?
12. profile of a blogger >>> yeah i'm a blogger. what's it to ya?
13. Mazukamba >>> good local band. played with them last year on my birthday.
14. bassett hound waycross GA >>> huh? pt. 3
15. junio 2003 24 OR 25 OR 26 "viejo san juan >>> what? am i missing something?
16. angry people's pics >>> i'm angry alright.... grrrrrrrr
17. faq you >>> yes, there are several other faq you's out there. hi guys!
18. microdemocracy >>> because microbes and the micronauts need a form of government too.
19. wisdom tooth pulled smoking >>> talk about a hot mouth
20. yes boys and girls, a nipple blog.
21. "lose friends" +humor -book >>> heheh.
22. el rockero loco >>> file under "whatever happened to......"
23. Alberto fucked on table pool >>> I don't know anything about that. That's between him and his girl. LOL
24. HOMERUN PIZZA STOCKPORT >>> yummy
25. another blog.

this is too funny! i'll guess we'll make it a weekly feature.

More quality time with V. Watched "Frida" together and a really bad Chow Yun Fat film. Bad but had a barrel of laughs watching it. Aside from that, added some more picture on the mo' pictures link. Building up a little gallery of our own. Right now I'm hungry as hell but can't think of anything more to say. Except that life is good.

Had a great afternoon and evening with V. Made her laugh a lot. Life is good. Especially when she's around. Gotta love her.

from the twilight zone dept:

either there was a glitch in the matrix or someone hacked into my blog because when i went online to see it, it had a whole different template. the only thing i could recognize from it were my posts but the rest was very different. how did it happen? fuck if i know, but whoever or whatever did it, it was beautiful. whoever you are, i salute you. back to our normally scheduled deprogramming, i hope.

here's a screenshot:

here i am in cleansing mode. deleted 3 gigs off my computer. unnecessary crap, duplicates, resizing and cropping. cathartic. i always love cleansing. down with the old, on with the new. beautiful. aside from that uploading new pictures on the mo' pictures link. bought a sanyo 8100 cel with camera so let's see what manages to catch my eye. monday, last day on my work week. seeing v. tomorrow. can't wait.

more fun with keywords. this time people found their way here through:

1. th' faith healers - great band. yes i love them.
2. fever of sabado at night - huh? saturday night fever? here? what da fook?
3. puerto rico goth - hmmmmm. well i do like to dress in black and i like goth....
4. monica tirado - well there is a photographer who took some antartica pictures awhile back......
5. candela bar - one of my hangouts, haunts, spots, etc.
6. blog found through similarminds.com
7. introdujos - one of our favorite bands.
8. cojoba - another of our favorite bands.
9. enlaces cafe - i don't hang out there as much but it's a nice place.
10. pimpdaddysupreme - i wonder how he's doing? he's sorely missed.
11. trashville - aaaaaaaaah one of my former headquarters.
12. AIM chat rooms scenesters - ooooooook.
13. another blog through similarminds.com
14. Alexander Gudonov cause of death - it wasn't me.

And there you have it. Enjoy!

the last 72 hours were so damn good.
went to see my pals of burning face reunite after a long while. the show was awesome, great vibe, we all had fun to be had. went with willie wanker and carilis and met with the rest of the gang there. what a great time. then hooked up with phillip, his lovely wife denise, cesar and javier el pollo back to isabela to crash at p&d's place since i had the next day off and meet v. for lunch. on the way there a lot of anecdotes and fun. it was good to hook up with them.
next day philip drove me to aguadilla mall to meet with v. what can i say when i meet her? it was so cool. ran some errands then crashed at her place. really cool apartment. met her cats, listened to some music......well you get the rest. a lot of catching up and it was good. we went for dinner afterwards and then some more catching up. Heh. Next morning was a beat freaky but we had breakfast and she drove me home. on the way home she was blasting everything from aqua to billy idol and even though she wasnt feeling well and my stomach got queasy, we were joking and laughing and i was being extremely retarded with my drink cup. she drove me home for a quick change and work.
work was fine. a tad slow but i got a commendation from one of my team leads. i felt good, confident and delivered the goods yesterday. also made a lot of sales so that should be good too. i went to the mall and bought me a new cellphone. might as well get into a regular account rather than prepaid. figured i'd spend as much. this little gadget will be put to use so expect some pictures soon. it's funny. this particular model is selling like hotcakes so when i inquired about it in the proper store where it's sold the only model they had was a pink one. i couldn't stop laughing about it and i had to call v to tell her. proper hysterics ensued after visions of me in a pink tutu and a pink cellphone. not in this life. maybe for a performance. i am thinking of getting more overtime this week if possible, but not without sacrificing quality time with v. i love her lots.
i sort of catched up with my z's too. both at v's place and at home. got up obscenely early to test ze new cellphone. the learning curve is not as bad as i thought. heh. anyway....
yes, it's that good. and the hippie finally got his website back up. so check out sidacrackyrocknroll in the links section.

Welcome to the freak show, really! pt. 1

Inspired by Rose's blog, I was inspired to find to find the referrals to this site. So this is what I've found so far as of today.

1. cleveland film comission
2. unknown
3. sin love x art cool looking blog.
4. another blog
5. angry ex's (um naaaaaaaaaaaah!)
6. galerias de luisma or luisma galleries. (what is *he* doing?)
7. second to none me too are u. (WHAT?)

After a lot of work and waiting for the computer to master the last two tracks, O.P.A.L.'s debut reissue is available. What are you waiting for? GO! Now I can get some sleep! ;)

Life has become a series of altered states between consciousness, insomnia, half asleep, half awake. It doesn't bug me as much as sometimes I wished I could get my proper 8 hours, but it's fucking hot in here so that won't happen. V and I are keeping in touch via the usual means. We miss each other but we've got work today. During the weekend I was working on this sort of zombified state that didn't concern me much because I was so calm with even the angriest customers and it worked to my advantage. I bought a TV/VCR and a little cart. I figured out that if I'm gonna be living here, I'd rather start buying some proper furnishings and establishing my proper domain. Once I assemble that, get my DVD player off the living room, bring it in here and watch anything I want in complete calm. Met Willie Wanker to coordinate his performance next month so I have to schedule that in advance. Aside from that, looking forward to meet some friends I haven't seen in ages next Thursday night. I have Friday off so the plan is to meet V. and stay overnight, come back to work the next day. Fingers crossed. Rose and I chatted a bit. It's always good to talk to her and keep in touch. Cheli emailed me. Back from vacation, she is. LOL. Anyway, tonight I gotta upload some more material to my page. Gotta keep myself busy. This week's schedule actually allows me to have a social life , so I better make the best of it.

lengthy post about father's day gone the way of the dodo due to blogger's snafus. check~
lengthy job yesterday because a proper clusterfuck in the systems. check!
lengthy wait to see v. again. well, there's always the phone and the net. check!
lengthy wait to fall asleep in order to sleep a couple of hours. check!
see? this one posted. life does have a sense of humor. btw, happy father's day.

So I guess that horoscope accidentally published in a newspaper in Spain (the editors already apologized for it) explains all the emotional shitstorm that occurred a few months back, does it? :D

ok. i've had enough of my father.
i love him. he's a decent man.
but for fuck's sake i don't want anything to do with him.
i was basically going to the shower and i had to hurry to meet v. for lunch.
he takes the car to run some errands.
he calls from the pharmacy because he has problems with his car key.
there's nobody home.
so i have to basically get dressed, meet him there. mad as fuck, because i will not get there to see v. i won't see her until monday at the earliest.
i tell him to give me his key, test it. somehow it doesn't work. i use mine. i ask him to shut up while i'm doing this.
he keeps nagging and nagging and nagging and pestering. i ask him to shut up twice and very politely while i'm figuring out what happened to his key.
he's not shutting up. i'm way too upset.
i park the car. give him my key and walk away.
he can stick the keys and the car up his ass.
i'm tired of his nagging and his fucking problems. my mom nor my sister talk to him because of that. i see no reason to deal with him.
i know it's terrible, but live with him for the better part of 35 years and then get back to me.

I'm sorry V. that I had to cancel that.

I'm still pretty pissed. Well at least that's one least of my worries.

No, I don't have tolerance for bullshit these days. Later.

I'm so happy to see you
cause your presence soothes me
and there's nothing better in this world
than making you smile or laugh.
So thank you darling.

Anyway, I finally got DSL here. Heheheeh. Be afraid. Be very afraid. Meanwhile my friend SOA asked me to contribute to his site, so I'm more than happy to oblige.

So there's V., DSL and a Hot Topic store nearby. I'm so realized. ;)

Here I am wishing you were here
wishing you were there by my side
cuddling, fast asleep
this heat is killing me
but I need your warmth
I should get some rest
if I am to see you tomorrow
so I close my eyes
and dream of you.........

Hmmm. Glitch in the Matrix causes entire blog posting to dissappear. Meanwhile, yesterday went to see The Matrix Reloaded for the 4th Time. Revkunin hasn't seen it, so it was our duty to see it. ;) V. left her training early so we met after the movie. First stop to handle some biz with Big Al and of course she was introduced. Then went to the mall, checked out Suncoast, Hot Topic, had some dinner, V. was in 300% annoying mode so she was funny as hell. We went back to my parents so she could check her emails and whatnot. Mom was sick with a bout of stomach virus but she can take care of herself. V. and I spent our last evening and night together this week and I miss her already. Went for breakfast, ran an errand for her and came back to the parentals to check on mom. Might as well stay here until it's time to work.

V. and I discovered a lot about each other this past two days and we still love each other. There are some trust issues she has to work out but that comes with time. I just have to earn this one baby. It's ok. Time is on our side. Let's see if this one posts properly.

Monkeys and more for your amusement here.

Ok so here we are. Me and the good Rev hit Hot Topic and his reaction was classic. "Go to the website, don't sponsor this." I understand his reasoning but since I don't have nor believe in credit cards.....you know the rest. It was good seeing him and listening to some shit from The Datsuns, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Ladytron, etc. Anyway, booked ze room and met V. in the afternoon. She did some coursework at my house and then we got together. What can I say? Brilliant, intense, sheer pleasure. Didn't sleep much and managed to get breakfast together. So here I am waiting for Big Al to show up, meet the Rev to watch The Matrix (my 4th time. sheeeeesh!) and then pick up Viv and more fun. Can't wait to see her again.

I heard from a friend that Milton and Anthony have a band together apparently their stuff is making waves. I can't say any details now but I can't wait to hear their material and help them in any way I can.

Ok tomorrow it's back to work. Let's seize the day.

V. woke me up this morning but she's allowed, being my girlthing and all. Now don't start, I'm her boything ok? Anyway, she woke me up but she's allowed and i mumbled stuff to her like "i miss you, i love you" and probably some other things in an alien dilect only people who are partly conscoious can probably understand. i feel guilty about not calling her later because i was busy as fuck. once i decided to wake up, i realized i actually had some time to do some shopping, which i did. the evil powers that be opened a hot topic in puerto rico so officially punk is dead here, but i went anyway. they have some cool shirt (not the bands, but the ramones, the clash's and blondie's shirts i kinda wanted). i went for a black one with something clever to annoy people around me and a Cleopatra goth sampler. Oh I'm so fucking goth now. :rolleyes: Anyway left with a serious jones of buying the black Chuck Taylors (the only fucking sneakers or trainers like the brits call them that matter). I ate and then went to the office a bit early for some overtime.

Actually my shift didn't go as bad as last week. Yes, some customers are on crack, but I handled most of my situations and escalated 1 call. Working hard to pay my bills. I went for a quick lunch and then back to work again. All this and I completely forgot to call V., but seeing her tomorrow, I will make up for it. I was so busy that I actually had to handle a big case with a customer and this guy needed some serious help so I stayed a bit longer. OT is good. Seeing V. tomorrow and I can't freaking wait. I'm sorry baby for not calling you today but I'll make it up to you. Promise.

Revkunin is back in the island and I plan to visit him to see how he's doing. Anyway, I should sleep a bit, should I?

i never said i was perfect
but then you're here
and i wished i was
because my greatest fear
is dissappointing you
and losing you
so here i am
naked and vulnerable
i've got nothing to hide
i know i'm not perfect
but i want you to understand
what i've been through
the choices i've made
good and bad
they're here for you to read


and i don't know how to finish this one. sorry.

V's sick and I wish I was there to help her through it. Meanwhile I'm working my ass off, sometimes stressed to the max and when I think that I'm screwing things up, I get a 100 % quality evaluation and a 93 and a 95. Whoah. And I got the best girlfriend in the whole wide goddamn world and I miss her lots.

Yes I know I'm silly, but that's what being in love is about. Being silly and stupid and slightly insane.

I think I should go to bed now. Last night I was up until the next day working on reviving my label. http://www.rojoynegro.net Check it out. Still, a work in progress.

Missing V., but at the same time she keeps me happy, sane. I can hear her smile while we talk on the phone. I can feel her when we chat and of course when we're actually together sparks fly. I am very happy now with the way things are turning out. We got something good to build on. I know we'll make it. Anyway, it's 4 am and after much tweaking and working on my new project, I think I should get some sleep.

A Hot Topic was opened here in Plaza Carolina. I'm going to check it out. Got some people I know working in there. Might spent a bit of my check.

To answer your question V: Yes, I do love you very much.

Night night!

Of course there are side effects to this... :p ....mainly Blogger switching ze blog to a new template and my older posts dissappearing. Try the archive to see if they're there. Yes, I reported this bug to Blogger Control and yes, they are working on it.

Ach!

Thinking about it......hmm.....except for the last month or so when I met V., being able to erase the last two years of my life would be kind of nice, but then again, without that experience, things wouldn't lead up to this. Heh. If real life was as easy as this eh?

Anyway, let's see if Blogger can take care of this.

Wake up. You feel something change. Try to sort yourself here. Something has changed, you feel better, a bit tired though, but lack of sleep does that to you. You go about your business of waking up and the cellphone rings. V's on the line. A bit stressed and worried but you try to calm her down. She asks you to read her blog. You fear the worst and you type your way there. Then you know why everything's changed. Well, it's not everything. Just that you realize that finally you meet someone that feels the same as you are. That makes your life complete, whole. That makes you happy. There she is. What are you waiting for? And for the first time in years, you feel very good. Let's see where this leads.

Second day. Easier than the first. Learning the ropes. Working hard. Tired. Watching "The Wire". Missing V. Badly. Wishing that one of these days I would come home to her. Just get back home, go to bed, feel her warmth. It will happen. Soon.

"I'm ready to say I'm glad to be alive" - U2 "Zoo Station"

Just when you think things are gonna be pretty bleak, lights come out and help you find your way back.

A day full of conversations and revelations. First off, managed to talk to G. D. today. Puppy and I were concerned but she called and things were cool. That woman still floors me even though we've known each other for a while. She could sell a fridge to an eskimo easily. She, Alpha, T-Girl and Arwen have shown some guts and solidarity and I didn't even know. That she took time off from her very busy schedule to have a long conversation with me was cool. Thanks guys.

Pellejo and I chatted too. Willie Wanker sent a couple of message. Chito and Jorge too. All this support from friends translated into my return to performance. Some gigs planned. Feeling better and inspired. That last gig at Don Pablo helped a lot too.

Last but not least because thats the most important part of all: V. We chatted and talked for a looooooong while too. Even though we want to take it slow, we want to be with each other so badly. Yes so cool, so noble and brings out the best in me. I can't let go of someone like that. I can't believe this is happening, but I accept it with open arms. You are cool, beautiful, and restored my faith in people and my self-confident. I owe you a lot. Thank you.

Went out with Luisma to Old San Juan for a couple of beers and people watching in Noche De Galerias. Nothing extraordinary but I was very happy thinking and actually missing V's company.

Got the imood thing back because I wanted to, damn it. LOL

girlthing
boything
our thing
sentimental cosa nostra
this thing of ours
it looks good
feels better
at ease 24/7
together
and i find myself
missing you more
hating when we part
looking forward
to this feeling
this synchronicity
this future
together
this thing
called us
for lack of a better word
for fear of spoiling it
and letting it grow
nurture
develop
looking forward
see where it leads
grinning wide
for the possibilities
and potentials
smile, baby
this is ours

Yesterday I started my shift at my new job. I was a bit nervous. Despite acing the training with a whooping 94% (you need at least 85% to go to the next stage) and rehearsing every possible scenario, I knew from previous experiences that being on the floor is very different from any training environment. I visualized the 20 of us marching towards the floor and translating it to the first 15 minutes of Saving Private Ryan. Yeah it's that vicious, but I also knew that once I got past that first call, everything would fall into place.

Well, actually it took the first half of my shift for everything to fall into place,but it's ok. The first call is always the most difficult and the others set the pace. Once I got past my lunchtime I felt more confident. Even took a customer compliment so that was good. The coaches saw that I handled it professionally so that was good. Today and tomorrow I'm off and I look forward to being back there on Wendesday. Some of my co-workers who haven't had the experience were a bit shaken, but I gave them encouragement. They are good people, but in unfamiliar territory. Blend that with the training and everything will be alright.

I didn't sleep at all because I came home to dub some stuff to Al. Some of it actually confirmed my views on Japanese art. Rigid stratified societies produce extreme art. Action, reaction. Causality.

Saw V. today. We always have a good time together. Whether we were shopping for books, paying video rental fees, lunch, a movie, dinner, eating ice cream. At ease in conversation and in silence. She feels strongly about us. So do I. She says I'm her soulmate. I agree in the aspect that we feel very comfortable together. It's really amazing. I haven't felt this way in ages. At complete and utter peace with her. While shopping for books, I somehow thought about us a bit older, sitting on a cafe, drinking coffee, reading, talking to each other. I mentioned this to her, and she agreed. She said "I thought about that. In Paris. I'd like to travel sometime." I'm thinking of working hard enough to save to travel to Europe in a year for my vacation. I want her to be there with me. In our conversations, I discover that we see a future together. This hasn't happened to me for a long time. For a long while in my personal relationships, after breaking up with Lana, I never thought past the moment, the present, that instant. Now I do. It's interesting that we think of plans and the future at this stage, but the usual alarms, bells and whistles don't go off here. Something is very right. We watched "Phone Booth" which was more fun and interesting than we thought. I think Kiefer Sutherland sounds like a young Hannibal Lecter there. Really good flick. We spent all afternoon together in each other's company. Pure bliss. I can't ask anything better than this. Thank you.

Had a 7 hour conversation with V. Thanks for instant messaging. I couldn't see how we could've pulled this one otherwise. I think we have a better understanding of each other from this. We know where we come from and how we are the way we are. Can't wait to see her tomorrow.

Starting my proper shift today. So I better get back to bed. Later.

V. added wonderful bastard to her definition of me. So noted on ze blog's title. LOL

I know I gave you the Cliff Notes on those three days, but I was exhausted. Training was hard this last week because it was so goddamn boring. Nevertheless, V's company always made the day worthwhile. Whether talking our heads off or just staring at each other, we were so comfortable in each other's company. Conversations, like I said, were good, long and very intense. I think this is the start of something really good. Honesty, being the main policy here. I want things to be right. Maybe I ask too much of the few people that I care about and they care about me in return, but it saves us both a lot of trouble and grief. Right now I'm just counting the days until I get to see her again. Yeah it was very good. Being able to feel human again. My parentals overreacted at first due to some words I said, but everything's cool. V's smart, cute, funny, responsible and a very lovely person. "I believe that something good is gonna happen" - Kate Bush. Yes, I agree.

So. It's been a while even to my standards. Well I was busy with the gig and V. was here for a three day seminar and I became her host. We had a great time together. It was cool to spend some time together. Helped me through some rough times during training. Really good and intense conversations and.......all in all I enjoyed it inmensely.

Training is over. Starting my regular shift on Sunday. Might get to see V. this monday. Got a proper phone line for myself. The plan is starting to get together. Slowly, but surely.

Watched "The Italian Job". Cool action flick. Life is good. Now gotta get some sleep.

V wrote a poem called Invocacion. Nevermind that rarely if ever someone writes something to me. Something that is this good, this intense, this passionate. I am very flattered and honored. Blushing, even. Thank you. And then she wonders why I love her so much.

By the way this Thursday:



Be there or be square! Bring your earplugs!

Well in case you were wondering I'm 54.85325% geek. That's a Super Geek for all of you normals out there. Find your inner geek here.

let me share a couple of things with you:

i've been sleeping like a baby for the past two days.
i've been in a great mood.
the sadness and melancholy are gone for the moment.

some great conversations with V. thank you. hold on tight girl. i know the ride is bumpy, but for what it's worth, i got your back.

For a holiday, the day went fast. Like a breeze. In very good spirits today. In no small part due to V's postcard this morning. Great way to start. Added some more pictures , if you're interested.

V wrote me a postcard today and I'm just overwhelmed by her words. I am so elated, grateful and moved by her simple, yet powerful gesture. She knows how to make my day. Especially when you least expect it. Thank you so much dear. I'm even blushing, but it feels so damn good. Again, thank you.

Everyone is enjoying the holiday, except those of us who have to work. It's all good though. It's all good because V. sent me the best greeting ever. Even feel like cranking Book Of Love's "You Make Me Feel So Good" or to spoil my inner glitter disco bitch Sylvester's "You Make Me Feel Mighty Real". Hah!

watched exotica in the wee hours in the morning. that's the perfect time to watch it unfold before you. elias koteas lone freak, mia kirshner's dancing, the works. watch the plot unfold, your brain a sponge. sucking it in. here i am. restless, sleepless. it doesn't matter whether i had a social life or not. unless i was at someone else's that time of night i'm too eager to sleep and too tired to do something besides sex. still i watch it, cause it's a good film. got a gig on thursday and betcha i might go out on tuesday night.
i don't miss going out as much as i miss being with friends. these days though, you really know where your real friends are. mine have always been few and far between. this time's no different. i'm not saddened by it, not bitter. i just call it as i see it. as it always is. right now i'm living my social life in my own terms. no expectations. no wasting time or money on people and things that are not worth it. seeing and talking with the people you really want to be around with. i'm no longer part of a 'scene', 'clique', 'group', whatever. i never was until i got into music, and then only with a few like minded souls. still all this shit about going out just because it's the weekend, didn't click at all. i go out when something's worth seeing, watching, experiencing. i'm back reading books. yeah, i'm still making music, but it's for my own pleasure and entertainment. every now and then i play only with like minded souls.
aside from that, another boring sunday. come, armaggeddon, come - morrissey. Heh.

Hours pass
Missing you terribly
The gaps are good
Sweeter, lovelier
Everytime we meet
Still
Never been the comformist
Still I wait.....
patiently

For those of us who sometimes fail to see that light at the end of the tunnel. No, it's not an incoming train, it's something I wrote. It's in Spanish, so bear with me........

cansado, harto, hastiado
el aire mismo tiene un hedor
aun asi me levanto
movimiento continuo
no hay marcha atras
sangrando por las heridas
tan pequen~as, pero tan profundas
aun asi por rumbo fijo
guiado por esta luz interior
algo tenue pero aun viva
esta estrella polar
brillando a pesar de la niebla
de las tormentas, de la turbulencia
llevandome al puerto seguro
que me espera
mientras tanto me amarro al timon
dispuesto a todo
porque despues de esta tormenta
encontrare la paz

just to make it easy on your eyes i switched the font to white. yeah i'm such a hipster doing the white stripes effect on ze blog. :rolleyes:

have a great weekend you tossers!

things are falling into place.
finished my training a week ahead of schedule. will start my shift soon.
slowly getting the stuff i'm looking for. my own phoneline (dsl soon), my own bank account. becoming a proper citizen. the game plan is starting to take shape. i want it to work. to succeed. enough of wasting idle and precious time. seize the day. do not let go. i believe that something good it's gonna happen. it's gonna require a lot of work and dedication, but it will pay off.
chatted with v. she's such a great gal. we shared a lot of stuff about her visit yesterday. yes, we have to get that girl to give us thee handrubs again. when v.'s around i find myself at peace, collected, calm, happy. everything makes sense. pure zen. tao. and i don't want to ruin it. we enjoy each other's company and that's fine. she makes me feel good about myself. she makes me smile a lot. i guess you can't ask more of someone. people like that you keep around, because they make live worth living. we haven't known each other for long but our conversations are very deep and they make time go by too fast sometimes. people like her are what good relationships are based on. we all got scars and baggage (my scars are inches long and miles deep), but in a way we have to see past those. we learn from them, but we don't let them get in our way. life is too short and precious to dwell on the past. live the present. enjoy the moment.
heheh today at work i teased my coworkers about the movie but i didnt reveal anything. it was fun. watching it with al, angelito, the radio show staff and cheli was fun. i apologize to cheli for keeping her up for so long, i felt bad about that. she's cool. i just hope she doesn't take that against me.

sleep deprivation is a wonderful thing, but excuse me while i collapse in my bed.

have a great weekend.

ok so go to the doctors to check my arm to make sure it didnt swell because of one of the shots required for a health certificate, work, boring.......then.........
met v. for dinner, conversation, talk from a stranger who gave killer rubs with the lotion she was hawking, jokes, some seriousness, shopping for dragons......
wait for al to show up pay a bill (which we didnt) drop me at the house. shower, shave, show mom for the nth time how to operate the vcr's remote.........
and then.......met al, angelito and cheli for the matrix reloaded. and then.........
(we interrupt this blogcast due to the fact that v. will kill me if i spoil the film for her)
suffice to say that my bladder hurts because i didnt leave my seat. didnt want to miss anything.
the punchline being i'm watching it again tomorrow courtesy of my dear old sis who purchased a ticket as a belated birthday present. teehee!
ok it's 236 and i should get my three hours of beauty sleep. no rest for the wicked!

Just when I was about to lauch into another rant about my dreary boring existence......
along comes my friend EL DIABLO and IM's me this jewel. Enjoy!

BONUS: I know Metalllica's music pretty much sucked after "And Justice For All", but I didn't know the troops were using it for reported torture and abuse.

Spoke with Rose and we caught up with our respective lives. Hang on baby. You and your guy are getting there. Love's insane but have no fear. It's gonna happen and it will be beautiful. Bet on it. Also chatted with V. Today was kinda slow as I'm pretty tired from today. We didn't make any sense but we sure laughed. Now if she could purr me to sleep I'd be the happiest angry and vindictive mofo around. Hello Cheli. If you're reading this welcome to my blog and the madness surrounding it. It's ok. Also had a chance to talk to a friend in the Marines who's coming back home after a long while out there and a fun chat with my little brother who I dearly love to death. He always makes me laugh with his antics.

Pet Peeves: We all have them. Our little quirks and neuroses. Well, I do have mine too. One of them is when I eat out unless you're my friend, my significant other, or in extreme cases, the place is full and being the wonderful gentleman that I am (cough cough) I let you sit with me on my table, I LIKE TO EAT ON MY OWN GODDAMNIT!. I go to my table with my food and a copy of the paper that I plan to read BECAUSE ITS FUCKING LUNCH TIME AND I'D LIKE TO SPEND THAT TIME ON MY OWN. I SURELY DONT WANT TO SPEND IT WITH THE PEOPLE I'M WORKING WITH BECAUSE I SEE YOU THE REST OF THE BLOODY TIME I SPEND AT WORK YOU SAD PATHETIC FUCKS!!!!!! THAT ALSO MEANS, DO NOT INVITE FOR DRINKS AFTERWARDS (exceptions are made on a case by case basis), DO NOT INVITE ME TO YOUR BORING STUPID SOCIAL FUNCTIONS! (unless money is involved, and it's going to my pocket. otherwise, forget it) IT'S BAD ENOUGH THAT I HAVE TO SPEND 8 HOURS OF MY LIFE IN A DAILY BASIS WITH YOU, AND YOU WANT TO BE WITH ME ON MY LUNCH HOUR TOO? FUCK OFF! Anyway, is that angry and vindictive enough for you? Erm, back to the topic. I'm minding my business in the cafeteria with my food and a newspaper, sit down on my table ready to dissect the days news, there are plenty of empty tables AT LEAST SIX EMPTY TABLES YOU NINCOMPOOPS! and these two guys and a girl I work with, come over to my table and want to join me at my lunch. I gave them the "Nah you didn't" stare but I guess they're too braindead to notice.

So these three clowns, for the purposes of this rant let's call them Quiet Guy, The Male Diva and Skinny Girl, sit down I have to move my things so they can sit with me. Quiet Guy starts talking about Masons (ok so Quiet Guy has some interesting to say after all). He's a Mason and sure enough, he's friendly enough. Ok. Male Diva is talking to Skinny Girl about modeling, ballet, career choices there and meanwhile I'm busy with my cheeseburger. He says something to the effect that "in entertainment and communications it's all a matter of who you know, Right?" He says looking at me. I nod while busily devouring my cheeseburger. All this diatribe continues for the better part of 20 minutes. I eat my meal, my drink and dessert while listening to the drivel between Male Diva and Skinny Girl. Quiet Guy adds his two cents to the charade, our conversation about Masonry relegated for a later date. Thing is, Male Diva has been annoying me all this time. I don't care what you do. I don't care if you know this and this people. I know them too. What annoys me is that this little fuck is trying hard to kiss everyone's ass, but when it's about doing the job, he knows shit. Christ, I can't wait to get on the floor and on my own. And yeah, unless you're a friend, significant other, a relative or i'm actually going to eat out with you, STAY THE FUCK OUTTA MY TABLE!!!!!!!

Oh yeah and two reasons I really loooooooooooove this place: 1. The fucking heat is starting to annoy me and it's not even summer. 2. Being part of the US does not necessarily mean that we're in synch with them. Case in point: The Matrix Returns started in the US in May 15th. Of course, here starts on the 22nd, so all my friends in the mainland have seen it, and I have to wait until fucking Thursday. AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

Now back to your regularly scheduled deprogramming.

Yes I know. It's Monday. Mondays usually suck but something catches your eye and you're pissing yourself laughing hard. We call this:

TOP OF THE WORLD, MAN!!!!!!

Parts 1 and 2.

Enjoy!

Yes......the morning after.......
Been up earlier than usual. Got stuff to do and little time to do it. Mondays! Argh! Had some amazing tasting pizza, brownie, icecream. Woopty Do! Went to bed early because of all the stuff I have to do today. Got some unexpected calls so that was extremely cool. All in all a good day. Ok here's to this week then!

Messed with the code so I can replace 'the annoying sound' according to Mister Ducky to something I'm currently working on. Sorry for the piss poor audio quality but gotta keep a low bitrate for faster transfer and lower bandwidth. Enjoy!

Fun Facts about my birthday for your reading pleasure:

BIRTHS

1692 Joseph Butler Wantage Berkshire, theologian
1711 Ruggiero G Boscovich [Rudzer J Boskovic], Italian astronomer
1744 Joseph Beer Bohemia clarinetist/composer (5th clarinet flap)
1759 Charles Duquesnoy composer
1788 Hugh Clapperton Annan Scotland, African explorer
1797 Frederik Augustus II King of Saxon (1836-54)
1798 Ethan Allen Hitchcock Major General (Union volunteers), died in 1870
1815 Thomas Stanhope Bocock representative (Confederacy), died in 1891
1817 James William Denver Brigadier General (Union volunteers), died in 1892
1819 Julius Hopp composer
1830 Karl Goldmark Keszthely Hungary, composer (Sakuhtala)
1836 Isidor Vorobchievici composer
1836 Wilhelm Steinitz Austria, world chess champion (1866-94)
1850 Oliver Heaviside physicist predicted existence of ionosphere
1854 Bernard Zweers Dutch composer (To My Fatherland)
1862 Freiherr Albert von Schrenk-Notzing German para-psychologist
1864 Jan P Veth Bayern, Dutch painter/etcher/lithographer/art historian
1865 William Heinemann England, publisher (Chemical Instrumental)
1868 Nicholas II Aleksandrovitsj last tsar of Russia (1894-1917)
1869 Ruprecht crown prince of Bavaria/general-fieldmarshall
1871 Franiska zu Reventlow writer
1872 Bertrand Russell England, mathematician/philosopher (Nobel 1950)
1875 Guido Alberto Fano composer
1881 Georgi Atanasov composer
1882 Eduardo Fabini composer
1883 Walter Gropius Berlin Germany, architect (founded Bauhaus school of design)
1885 Eurico Gaspar Dutra President of Brazil (1945-50)
1886 Ole Windingstad composer
1887 Ernst Wiechert writer
1889 G Gunnarson writer
1891 Rudolf Carnap philosopher (German Logical Positivist)
1892 Ezio Pinza Rome Italy, bass (New York Metropolitan-South Pacific)
1896 Walter Fitzgerald Keyhan Devonport England
1897 Frank Capra Palermo Sicily Italy, movie director (It's a Wonderful Life, Arsenic & Old Lace)
1897 Jack Raine London England, actor (Quartet)
1898 Juan J Domenchina Spanish poet/interpreter (sombra desterrada)
19-- Gail Strickland Birmingham AL, actress (Alice West-Insiders)
19-- Steven David Delong rocker (Sweet F.A.-Stick To Your Guns)
1900 Sarah Miriam Peale US, portrait painter (General Lafayette-1825)
1901 Harry Robert Wilson composer
1901 Henri-Pierre Sauguet Bordeaux France, composer (La Chotte)
1901 Vincent du Vigneaud US biochemist
1902 [Robert] Meredith Willson Mason City IA, composer (Music Man)
1903 George E Stone Lodz Poland, actor (Viva Villa, Last Mile)
1904 Jacob K Javits (Senator-R-NY)
1905 Eric Zeisl composer
1905 Hedley Verity cricketer (terrific slow lefty for England pre-WWII)
1907 Clifford Curzon London England, pianist (MacFarren Gold Medal)
1907 Robley D Evans nuclear physicist
1909 Fred Perry Stockport England, tennis star/commentator (Wimbledon 1934-36)
1910 Arthur van Schendel Dutch art historian
1911 Big Joe Turner Kansas City MO, blues singer (Corrine Corrina, Shake Rattle & Roll)
1911 Lord Hartwell
1911 Sigrid Gurie Brooklyn NY, actor (Algiers, Sofia, Refugee)
1912 Georg von Opel German auto manufacturer
1912 Perry [Pierino] Como Canonsburg PA, singer/TV host (Perry Como Show)
1912 Richard Brooks Philadelphia PA, director (Blackboard Jungle, In Cold Blood)
1914 Anthony Fell British MP
1914 Boris Christoff Bulgaria/Italian bass (Boris Godunov)
1914 Pierre A Balmain France, fashion designer (1940's "New Look")
1915 Leon Shenandoah native American leader
1917 Charles Wintour journalist
1917 James Donald Aberdeen Scotland, actor (Bridge on River Kwai, Vikings)
1918 Pope John Paul II [Karol Wojtyla] 264th Roman Catholic pope (1978- )
1919 Dame Margot Fonteyn Surrey England, ballerina (Giselle/partner of Nureyev)
1921 Anthony Epstein FRS/pathologist
1922 Bill Macy Revere MA, actor (Walter-Maude, Oh! Calcutta)
1922 GMcC Kitson British principal (Central School of Speech/Drama)
1923 Liam Sullivan Jacksonville IL, actor (Mapoy-Monroes)
1924 Jack Whitaker Philadelphia PA, sportscaster (ABC, CBS)
1924 Priscilla Pointer New York NY, actress (Rebecca-Dallas, Call to Glory)
1927 Richard Body MP
1928 G R Hall nuclear scientist
1928 P G Hammersley British Rear-Admiral
1928 Pernell Roberts Waycross GA, actor (Adam Cartwright-Bonanza, Trapper John MD)
1929 Johan N Block aviation pioneer (Martinair/Transavia/Air Holland)
1929 Lord St John of Fawsley
1929 Roger Matton composer
1930 Barbara Goldsmith New Rochelle, author (Little Gloria Happy At Last)
1930 Don Leslie Lind Midvale UT, astronaut (STS 51-B)
1930 Fred[erick Thomas] Saberhagen US, sci-fi author (Book of Swords)
1930 Geoffrey Littler CEO (County NatWest Group)
1930 Warren B Rudman (Senator-R-NH, 1980- )
1931 Robert Morse Newton MA, actor (That's Life, Jack Frost)
1932 John Clement chairman (Unigate Group)
1934 Dwayne Hickman Los Angeles CA, actor (Dobie Gillis, How to Stuff a Wild Bikini)
1937 Brooks Robinson Baltimore Oriole 3rd baseman (1955-77)
1937 Ildikó Sagi-Retjö Hung, foils (Olympics-2 gold/3 silver/2 bronze-1960-76)
1937 Jacques Santer President (European Commission)
1939 Glen Hardin Texas, rocker (Crickets)
1939 Patrick Cormack MP
1940 A Marshall Stoneham FRS, physicist
1940 Pat Trimborn cricket pace bowler (South African in 4 Tests 1966-70)
1941 Diane McBain Cleveland OH, actress (Surfside Six, Spinout, Donner Pass)
1941 M S Longair astronomer
1942 Albert Hammond rocker
1942 Keith Hellawell Chief Constable (West Yorkshire)
1942 Marquess of Reading
1942 N P (Nobby) Stiles footballer
1942 Rodney Dillard rocker (Glittergrass)
1944 Peter Ryan British national director (Police Training)
1945 Bhagwat Chandrasekhar cricketer (brilliant Indian leggie 1964-79)
1945 John Richard Patterson businessman
1945 Maarten van Traa Dutch MP (PvdA)
1946 George Alexander rocker
1946 Reggie Jackson "Mr October" baseball rightfielder (Yankees, A's)
1947 Candice Azzara Brooklyn NY, actress (Fatso)
1947 John Bruton Prime Minister (Republic of Ireland)
1948 Felix MH Troch Flemish actor/director (Gekkenbriefje)
1948 Joe Bonsall Philadelphia PA, country singer (Oak Ridge Boys-Elvira)
1949 Bill Wallace rocker (Guess Who)
1949 Rick Wakeman rock keyboardist (Yes-Fish Out of Water)
1949 Stuart Gannes Detroit MI, writer (Fortune)
1950 Rodney Milburn Jr USA, hurdler (Olympics-gold-1972)
1950 Thomas Gottschalk Bamberg Germany, (Telespiele)
1951 Angela Voigt German Democratic Republic, long jumper (Olympics-gold-76)
1951 Denny Dillon comedian (Saturday Night Live, Dream On)
1951 James Stephens Mount Kisko NY, actor (Paper Chase, Devil's Island)
1951 Rodger Davis Sydney New South Wales, Australasia golfer
1952 Diane E[lizabeth] Duane US, sci-fi author (Door into Fire)
1952 George Strait Pearsall TX, country singer (All My Ex's Live in Texas, Beyond the Blue Neon)
1952 Martin R Hoke (Representative-R-OH)
1953 [Feliciano] Butch Tavares rocker (Tavares)
1953 Helen Chadwick artist
1954 Martyn Wiley writer/broadcaster
1954 Wreckless Eric rocker (Waxworks, Be Stiff)
1955 Yun Fat Chow Nam Nga Island Hong Kong, actor (Better Tomorrow)
1956 Joe [Naomichi] Ozaki Tekushima Japan, golfer (1995 Phoenix Open-8th)
1957 Michael Cretu rocker (Enigma)
1958 Ray Donaldson NFL center (Dallas Cowboys)
1958 Toyah Wilcox Birmingham England, rocker (I Want to Be Free)
1959 Graham Dilley cricketer (England wicket-taker of 80's)
1960 Jari Kurri Helsinki Finland, NHL left wing (New York Rangers, Los Angeles Kings, Colorado Avalanche)
1960 Tom Jackson Oakville Ontario, Canadian Tour golfer (1991 CPGA Winter)
1960 Yannick Noah France, tennis player (French 1983)
1962 Mike Whitmarsh San Diego CA, beach volleyballer (Olympics-silver-96)
1963 Marty McSorley Hamilton, NHL defenseman (Los Angeles Kings, New York Rangers)
1964 Will Wolford NFL tackle (Indianapolis Colts, Pittsburgh Steelers)
1965 Erik Hanson Kinnelon NJ, pitcher (Toronto Blue Jays)
1965 Rufus Porter NFL linebacker (New Orleans Saints, Tampa Bay Buccaneers)
1966 Mike Inez US rock bassist (Alice in Chains-Facelift)
1967 Jaime Gomez Arlington TX, Nike golfer (1992 Boise Open)
1967 Karl Dunbar NFL defensive tackle (Arizona Cardinals)
1968 Ernie Logan NFL defensive end (Jacksonville Jaguars, New York Jets)
1969 Jean-Chris Filippin hockey defenseman (Team France 1998)
1969 Martika [Marta Marrero] Whittier CA, singer (Toy Soldiers)
1970 Clemens Zwijnenberg soccer player (FC Twente)
1970 Vicky Sunohara ice hockey forward (Canada, Olympics-98)
1971 Ben Coleman guard/offensive tackle (Jacksonville Jaguars)
1971 Clifton Sunada Honolulu HI, extra-lightweight judoka (Olympics-96)
1971 Craig Hentrich NFL punter (Green Bay Packers-Superbowl 31)
1971 Daniel Gowing Germany, New Zealand judoka (Olympics-96)
1971 Karen Bye ice hockey forward (USA, Olympics-98)
1971 Lael Perlstrom Laguna Beach CA, WPVA volleyballer (US Open-25-1995)
1971 Rich Garces Maracay Aragua Venezuela, pitcher (Boston Red Sox)
1972 Turner Stevenson Prince George, NHL right wing (Montréal Canadiens)
1973 Darren Van Impe Saskatoon, NHL defenseman (Anaheim Mighty Ducks)
1973 David Bailey WLAF tackle (Frankfurt Galaxy)
1973 Donyell Marshall NBA forward (Golden State Warriors)
1973 Markus Brunner hockey forward (Team Italy 1998)
1973 Tory James NFL defensive back (Denver Broncos-Superbowl 32)
1973 Walter Scott NFL defensive tackle (Green Bay Packers-Superbowl 31)
1976 Ron Mercer NBA guard (Boston Celtics)
1978 Jennifer Streblow Oshkosh WI, Miss America-Wisconsin (1997)
1979 Kaci Thompson Miss Nevada Teen USA (1997)

DEATHS

0323 Alexander III the Great king of Macedonia/conqueror, dies at 32
0526 John I Pope (523-26), dies
1160 Erik IX Helgi [The Saint] King of Sweden, dies
1410 Ruprecht Roman catholics German king, dies
1587 Felix van Cantalice Italian saint, dies
1625 Francisco Gómez de Sandoval y Rojas Spanish marquis of Denia, dies
1653 Carel Reyniersz Governor-General (Netherlands East Indies), dies at 48
1675 Jacques Marquette jesuit/missionaries (Chicago) dies at 37
1692 Elias Ashmole antiquary, dies
1724 Johann K Amman Swiss/Dutch doctor for deaf-mutes, dies at 54
1733 Georg Bohm German organist/composer, dies at 71
1767 Thaddaus Ferdinand Lipowsky composer, dies at 28
1799 Pierre de Beaumarchais dramatist, dies
1808 Jacob Albright [Albrecht] German/US preacher, dies at 49
1829 Bernardo Bittoni composer, dies at 72
1832 Bonafacio Asioli composer, dies at 62
1839 Carolina [Maria A] Bonaparte (countess Lipona) dies at 57
1848 William A Leidesdorf black, dies at 38 in San Fransisco
1862 William H Keim US Union Brigadier-General, dies in battle at 48
1864 James Byron Gordon Confederate Brigadier-General, dies at 41
1884 Heinrich R Göppert German paleo-botanist, dies
1909 George Meredith English poet/writer (Diana of Crossways), dies at 81
1909 Isaac M F Albéniz Spanish pianist/composer, dies at 48
1910 Flor van Duyse composer, dies at 66
1911 Gustav Mahler Austrian composer (Children's Death Songs), dies at 50
1913 Otto Reubke composer, dies at 70
1918 Toivo Kuula composer, dies at 34
1930 Joao Marcellino Arroyo composer, dies at 68
1936 Alick Maclean composer, dies at 63
1949 James T Adams US historian (Pulitzer 1921)
1952 Rossetter Gleason Cole composer, dies at 86
1953 Tom Killick cricketer (at the crease 2 Tests for England 1929), dies
1955 Edwin Scharff German painter/sculptor (Rossebändiger), dies at 68
1955 Mary McLeod Bethune educator & civil rights leader, dies at 79
1956 Maurice Tate cricketer (39 Tests for England, 155 wickets), dies
1961 Henry O'Neill actor (Lady Killer, Nothing But Trouble), dies
1965 Eduard J Dijksterhuis mathematician (Archimedes), dies at 72
1966 Paul Althaus German theologist (That Christian Wahrheit), dies at 78
1967 Andy Clyde Hopalong Cassidy's sidekick, dies at 75
1967 Richard Ainley actor (I Dood It, Above Suspicion), dies at 56
1972 Eero Aukusti Sipila composer, dies at 53
1973 Jeannette Rankin 1st Congresswoman (1917-19, 41-43), dies at 92
1974 Daniel R Topping US owner (New York Yankees), dies at 61
1975 Leroy Anderson composer, dies at 66
1980 Ian Curtis English rock vocalist (Joy Division), commits suicide at 23
1981 Arthur O'Connell actor (Mr Peepers, Second Hundred Years), dies at 73
1981 William Saroyan US stagewriter (Time of your life), dies at 72
1985 Tex Terry actor (Apache Rose, Timberjack), dies at 82
1986 John Bubbles Sublett tap dancer (Black & Bubbles), dies at 84
1987 Wilbur J Cohen 1st employee of Social Security System, dies at 73
1988 Daws Butler cartoon voice (Yogi Bear, Huckleberry Hound), dies at 71
1990 Jill Ireland actress (Carry on Nurse, Family), dies of cancer at 54
1991 Edwina Booth actress (Trader Horn), dies of heart failure at 86
1992 Lawrence Welk bandleader (L Welk Show), dies of pneumonia at 89
1992 Marshall Thompson actor (Bog), dies of congestive heart failure at 65
1992 Skip Stephenson comedian (Real People), dies of heart attack at 52
1993 Heinrich Albertz theologist/mayor of Berlin (1966-67), dies at 78
1993 Pamela M Cunnington English architect/writer, dies at 67
1995 Alexander Gudonov Russian dancer/actor (Witness), dies at 45
1995 Elisha Cook Jr actor (Maltese Falcon, Shane), dies at 91
1995 Elizabeth Montgomery actress (Bewitched), dies of cancer at 62
1995 Gordon Reynolds musician, dies at 74
1995 Robert Harris actor (Werewolf of London), dies at 95
1996 Dermot O'Callaghan Grubb prison governor, dies at 76
1996 Simon Weinstock businessman/racehorse owner, dies at 44

On this day......

0526 St John I ends his reign as Catholic Pope
1096 Crusaders massacre Jews of Worm
1291 Sultan of Egypt & his son take last Christian stronghold of Acre
1302 Trades people assault on French garrison (Brugse Metten)
1385 Peace of Doornik: Gent & Louis van Thoughts
1596 Willem Barents leaves Amsterdam for Novaya Zemlya
1619 Hugo the Great sentenced to life in prison
1631 English colony Massachusetts Bay grants puritarian voting right
1631 John Winthrop is elected 1st governor of Massachusetts
1642 Montréal Canada founded
1652 Rhode Island enacts 1st law declaring slavery illegal
1703 Dutch & English troops occupy Cologne
1756 England declares war on France
1794 2nd battle of Bouvines (France-Austria)
1803 Britain declares war on France after General Napoleon Bonaparte continues interfering in Italy & Switzerland
1804 Napoleon Bonaparte proclaimed Emperor of France
1828 Battle of Las Piedras, ends conflict between Uruguay & Brazil
1830 Edwin Budding of England signs an agreement for manufacture of his invention, the lawn mower - Saturdays are destroyed forever
1843 United Free Church of Scotland forms
1846 US troops attack Rio Grande occupying Matamoros
1851 Amsterdam-Nieuwediep telegraph connection linked
1852 Massachusetts rules all school-age children must attend school
1860 Republican Party nominates Abraham Lincoln for president
1861 Battle of Sewall's Point VA-1st Federal offense against South
1861 Friedrich Hebbels "Kriemhildes Rache" premieres in Weimar
1863 Siege of Vicksburg MS
1864 Battle of Yellow Bayou LA (Bayou de Glaize, Old Oaks)
1866 French Government of De Putte resigns
1880 6th Kentucky Derby: George Lewis aboard Fonso wins in 2:37½
1887 Emmanuel Chabriers opera "Le Roi Malgré Luis" premieres in Paris France
1889 Jules Massenets opera "Esclarmonde" premieres in Paris France
1896 US Supreme court affirms "separate but equal" policy (Plessy v Ferguson)
1897 Irish Music Festival 1st held (Dublin)
1897 New York Giant William Joyce sets record of 4 triples in 1 game
1897 Paul Dukas "L'Apprenti Sorcier Pruimtabak on the Market" premieres
1899 World Goodwill Day-26 nations meet in 1st Hague Peace Conference
1900 Britain proclaims protectorate over kingdom of Tonga
1904 American Ion Perdicaris kidnapped in Morocco
1910 Passage of Earth through tail of Halley's Comet causes near-panic
1911 President/dictator José Porfirio Diaz of México term ends
1912 Maurits Binger establishes 2 Dutch movie companies
1912 Philadelphia A's beat Detroit Tigers 24-2, who use amateurs protesting Ty Cobbs suspension
1916 US pilot Kiffin Rockwell shoots down German aircraft
1917 Satie/Massine/Picasso's ballet "Parade" premieres in Paris France
1917 US passes Selective Service act
1918 Netherlands Indian Volksraad installed in Batavia
1918 TNT explosion in chemical factory in Oakdale PA kills 200
1920 46th Preakness: Clarence Kummer aboard Man o' War wins in 1:51.6
1922 Dutch 2nd Chamber agrees to 48 hour work week (was 45 hours)
1926 Evangelist Aimee Semple McPherson vanished in Venice CA; She showed up a month later & said she had been kidnapped
1927 "Slide Lake" in Gros Ventre WY collapses
1927 Grauman's Chinese Theater opens in Hollywood CA
1927 Ritz Hotel opens in Boston
1929 55th Kentucky Derby: Linus McAtee on Clyde Van Dusen wins in 2:10.8
1929 Brooklyn Dodgers beat Philadelphia Phillies 20-16 & lost 8-6 in 2nd game (record 50 runs)
1933 1st major league All-Star Game announced for July 6 at Comiskey Park It will be played as part of the Chicago World's Fair
1933 Tennessee Valley Act (TVA) Act signed by FDR, to build dams
1934 Academy Award 1st called Oscar in print (Sidney Skolsky)
1934 Congress approves "Lindbergh Act", makes kidnapping a capital offense
1934 Jimmie Foxx hits 1st homerun in Comiskey Park center field bleachers
1934 TWA begins commercial service
1935 Harold Gimblett scores 123 in 80 minutes on debut for Somerset
1940 German troops conquer Brussels
1941 An Egyptian steamer sinks
1941 Italian army under General Aosta surrenders to Britain in Ethiopia
1941 Jewish veterans honor their dead
1942 NYC ends night baseball games for the rest of WWII
1943 Allied bombers attack Pantelleria in the Mediterranean Sea
1944 Expulsion of more than 200,000 Tartars from Crimea by Soviet Union begins, they are accused of collaborating with the Germans
1944 Polish 2nd Army corps captures convent of Monte Cassino Italy
1945 Tigers & A's both have 7 straight games postponed due to rain
1947 A's catcher Warren Rosar catches his 147th game without an error
1948 "Ballet Ballads" opens at Music Box Theater NYC for 62 performances
1948 Arab Legion captures fort on Mount Scopus
1948 Saudi Arabia joins invasion of Israel
1949 Antiquarian Booksellers Association of America incorporates
1950 "Liar" opens at Broadhurst Theater NYC for 12 performances
1950 Tommy Glaviano makes 3 consecutive errors on grounders
1951 UN moves HQ to NYC
1951 US General Collins predicts use of atom bomb in Korea
1952 Professor WF Libby said Stonehedge dates back to 1848 BC
1953 1st woman to break the sound barrier (Jacqueline Cochrane, USA)
1954 European Convention on Human Rights goes into effect
1955 28.7 cm rain falls at Lake Maloya NM (state record)
1955 Atkinson & Depeiaza take West Indies from 6-187 to 6-494 in day vs Australia
1955 Queen Juliana opens E55 fair in Amsterdam
1956 Hungarian party leader Matyas Rákosi enforces his own policy
1956 Mickey Mantle hits homerun from both sides of plate for record 3rd time
1956 Queen Juliana opens Rembrandt fairs in Amsterdam
1957 83rd Preakness: Eddie Arcaro aboard Bold Ruler wins in 1:56.2
1958 Wiffi Smith wins LPGA Peach Blossom Golf Open
1959 "Castin' My Spell" by Johnny Otis Show hits #52
1959 "Judy" by David Seville hits #86
1959 "Russian Band Stand" by Spencer & Spencer hits #91
1960 Eileen Fulton begins playing Lisa on As the World Turns (for > 30 years)
1960 Jean Genets "Le Balcon" premieres in Paris France
1961 "Donnybrook!" opens at 46th St Theater NYC for 68 performances
1963 "Beast in Me" closes at Plymouth Theater NYC after 4 performances
1963 "If You Wanna Be Happy" by Jimmy Soul hits #1
1963 89th Preakness: Bill Shoemaker aboard Candy Spots wins in 1:56.2
1964 David Frost interviews Paul McCartney on the BBC
1964 Supreme Court rules unconstitutional to deprive naturalized citizens of citizenship if they return to home country for more than 3 years
1965 Gene Roddenberry suggests 16 names including Kirk for Star Trek Captain
1965 WTAF TV channel 29 in Philadelphia PA (IND) begins broadcasting
1967 Silver hits record $1.60 an ounce in London
1967 Tennessee Governor Ellington repeals "Monkey Law", upheld in 1925 Scopes Trial
1968 94th Preakness: Ismael Valenzuela aboard Forward Pass wins in 1:56.8
1968 Al Kaline hits his 307th homerun, surpassing Hank Greenberg as a Tiger
1968 Frank Howard ties American League record with homerun in his 6th consecutive game his 10 homeruns in the most in 6 games
1968 around 4 PM I was born just in time to watch the Saturday Afternoon Movie.
1969 "Canterbury Tales" closes at Eugene O'Neill NYC after 122 performances
1969 Apollo 10 (Stafford/Cernan/Young) launched toward lunar orbit
1969 Sandra Haynie wins LPGA St Louis Women's Golf Invitational
1971 4th ABA Championship: Utah Stars beat Kentucky Colonels, 4 games to 3
1971 Bulgarian constitution goes into effect
1971 President Nixon rejects the 60 demands of Congressional Black Caucus
1971 Stanley Cup: Montréal Canadiens beat Chicago Blackhawks, 4 games to 3
1971 Vampire rapist Wayne Bodens last victim found
1972 "Me & The Chimp" last airs on CBS-TV
1972 John Sebastian makes 63 consecutive free throws while blindfolded
1973 Russian party leader Brezhnev visits West Germany
1973 WIBC Bowling Queens won by Dotty Fothergill
1974 "The Streak" by Ray Stevens hits #1
1974 100th Preakness: Miguel Rivera aboard Current Little wins in 1:54.6
1974 India becomes 6th nation to explode an atomic bomb
1977 A nightclub fire in Cincinnati killed 164
1977 Juventus wins 6th UEFA Cup at Bilbao
1977 Menachem Begin becomes Israel's Prime Minister
1978 Italy legalizes abortion
1978 Russian dissident Yuri Orlov exiled to compulsory work
1980 Belgium 3rd Government of Martens forms
1980 China People's Republic launch 1st intercontinental rocket
1980 Donna White wins LPGA Coca-Cola Golf Classic
1980 Fernando Belaunde Terry elected President of Peru
1980 Mount St Helens blows its top in Washington State, 60 die
1982 Detroit Tigers outfielder Larry Herndon is 14th to hit 4 consecutive homeruns
1982 Unification Church founder Reverend Sun Myung Moon convicted of tax evasion
1983 Senate revises immigration laws, gives millions of illegal aliens legal status under an amnesty program
1985 "One Night In Bangkok" by Murray Head hits #3
1985 111th Preakness: Pat Day aboard Tank's Prospect wins in 1:53.4
1985 1st remote location for "Nightline" (South Africa)
1986 "Singin' in the Rain" closes at Gershwin Theater NYC after 367 performances
1986 Becky Pearson wins LPGA Chrysler-Plymouth Golf Classic
1986 Chung Kwung Ying does 2,750 "atomic" hand-stand push-ups
1986 David Goch finishes swimming 55,682 miles in a 25-yd pool
1986 South African army occupies Botswana, Zimbabwe & Zambia
1988 Bayer Leverkusen wins 17th UEFA Cup at Leverkusen
1988 In just Oakland's 39th of the season, pitcher Dave Stewart breaks record with his 12th balk en route to 16
1989 Lisa Strawberry files for divorce from Darryl
1990 "Return To Green Acres" TV movie airs
1990 Cubs Ryne Sandberg ends 2nd baseman record 123 errorless game streak
1990 East and West Germany sign a monetary union treaty
1990 Judy Carne arrested at JFK airport on an 11 year old drug warrant
1991 117th Preakness: Jerry Bailey aboard Hansel wins in 1:54
1991 France performs nuclear test at Muruora Island
1991 USSR launches 2 cosmonauts to MIR space station
1992 Supreme Court rules states could not force mentally unstable criminal defendants to take anti-psychotic drugs
1993 Danish people vote in favor of ratifying the Maastricht Treaty
1993 Italian police arrest Mafia boss Benedetto "Nitto" Santapaola
1994 AC Milan wins Europe Cup 1: 4-0 against Barcelona
1994 Israel withdraws from the Gaza Strip
1994 Tropical Butterfly Garden at Cleveland Metroparks Zoo opens
1995 WIBC Bowling Queens won by Sandra Postma
1996 122nd Preakness: Pat Day aboard Louis Quatorze wins in 1:53.2
1996 WIBC Bowling Queens won by Lisa Wagner
1997 "King David" opens at New Amsterdam Theater NYC
1997 43rd McDonald's LPGA Championship won by Chris Johnson
1997 Cadillac NFL Senior Golf Classic
1997 Tiger Woods wins Byron Nelson Golf Classic

birthday. woke up. going to the movies with big al. v and i are getting along fine. we had one of those long conversations. it's all good.
someone said a rat was asking about me. obviously that piece of shit has no heart to ask me in person. once a coward, always a coward. shits like you i never forgive and never forget.
in other news, maybe, just maybe if i play my cards right, i'll complete step one of my world domination program.....bwahahahah.....

Oh yeah! happy birthday to me........

Ok V and I are talking. That is good. I guess we needed to say somethings and we did. Don't be sorry for being honest girl. Don't. I'd rather deal with that than with the usual lies and deceit. I'm sorry dear. We're both too passionate, too honest and yes we are blunt. No problem with that.

Watched Identity with Al. He haven't seen it and I wanted him to see it. Big guy loved it. Cool. On the way out some idiot salesman wanted to sell some home security systems. A gringo. I refused politely at first, he insists. He tries to weasel his way in saying someone in the house made an appointment. Big fucking lie. The parentals and my sister tell me usually if they expect visitors. I tell him. Look no one here wants what you're selling. I'm on my way out so scram! He insists. Al is waiting in his car. I tell him the following nuggets:

1. No one here wants to buy you shit. 2. You're interrupting my progress and I have to go out. 3. I point to Al and say: "See that guy? That guy has a gun, has a proper permit and knows how to use it. You want to get some lead poisoning punk?"

The guy bolted.

Got a comission to do the soundtrack to a friend's short film. Let's see what happens with that.

Cleansing. Shave and a haircut. Seeing my grandma. I don't know what's in store. I don't care. I'm just killing time waiting for the week to come. That's the only thing that matters. Yesterday afternoon I felt a knot on my throat. A noose. Something. Someone choking me. Later that evening I didn't. I took a nap. I took a breath. I called Alberto and headed to buy some munchies. We had one of those long talks we have. I've known him for almost 20 years. He's the closest friend I have. I'm happy he's around. My rock. I owe him a lot. He and his girl celebrate their anniversary tomorrow. My birthday's tomorrow and true to tradition, it will be miserable. Lots of presents people have given me. Right. Anyway I'm numb. No tears worth shedding.

Part of me wants to drown my sorrows in alcohol, part of me wants to end it all, but neither path is worthy nor acceptable. Instead I die daily slowly in the Sylvia Plath sense of the word. Even Sylvia Plath got tired of it and offed herself. I stated here I don't know when that either deppression or diabetes will kill me. Slow death.

V Dearest:

I stated that I like your honesty and I appreciate it.
Is that sending Hell to you?
The only thing that upsets me
is the fact that you don't trust yourself to try
an honest shot at something good
I thought we were worth it
You thought otherwise
It takes two to dance
and as much as I want a partner
I can't make you
but I won't pay for the sins of your former boyfriends
I won't be your whipping boy
I won't pay for their mistakes
I'm only responsible for my own
We all have our baggage
but I can't judge you
for what others did.
It's not fair.
I asked you to move on
You still dwell in your past
Is that sending Hell to you?
I don't mind you being honest
I'm being honest too.
It's not fair.
It's your loss.
Don't try to soothe me with other people's words
when yours failed.
Don't watch over me
for all my angels deserted me
Don't sing me a lullaby
for I never sleep
Hell is not mine to bring.
You brought it on yourself.
You could have said something
but you didnt have the heart to say it
Don't blame me for your mistakes
they're yours to bear

Goodbye.

purge. erase. delete. eliminate. wipeout. dump. a clean slate. because i must. a lean mean machine. stronger. faster. very fucking mobile.

game plan: work my ass off. earn enough to get what's mine. keep myself busy. work, work work. keep myself busy enough. enough free time to rest and to take care of my business. in order to save enough money to also indulge myself. travel. have fun. i've had enough of being accomodating. i've had enough of waiting. i'm sorry, i'm not gonna handle anyone else's issues, but my own. i'm not gonna pay for other people's abuses. i've got a right to be happy and i don't have to take anyone else's crap. by the year's end i'll have enough to do all of this.

i've had enough.

........in which the best laid plans of an angry vindictive relatively young mayflower turn to dust.

no road trip. well at least i like v's honesty. i prize that above all. might get to see her next week. i don't know why am i surprised, it's my birthday after all, rarely, if ever, things work out how i plan them. right know i can't even think straight. so i'm gonna go offline and see what the weekend brings.

good night.

More training. Acing it like nobody's business. Was supposed to meet V., but it didn't happen. I don't know why. Let's see if things get sorted. I hope she's alright. Aside from that, not much. I think I'm gonna work some serious overtime in order to get some serious money. Let's see what happens.

The lunar eclipse is beautiful. Watching the blood moon and I wish V. was here to watch it with me. Heh. Beggar's can't be choosers. Might as well enjoy the moment. Cool.

It's very quiet and very still. Missing you terribly. Restless. Don't know why. I guess it's one of those days. Sleep.

Boredom boredom sheer fucking boredom.

Two more tests aced. 95 and 93 percent. Fucking a! Working hard at it. Might ace a couple more and meeting V. tomorrow. Gotta call the place to see if I can find a cheap room this weekend. Aside from that, not much happening. Keeping myself busy.

First day in self training mode. Aced the first module. 92%. Already working on the second module. I'm ahead of the pack. I wanna ace them all so I can get in the Business section. I need the money.

Talk to a friend. Former manager. He wants me back in the game. Right now, I'm training and then when I get my shift, I'll see if I have the time to do it. I won't probably. I need this job and I need the money to get the things I want and I need. So right now my focus is on this job.

Talking to V as I write this. I wished I was next to her. I can give her all the reassurances in the world, but I wished I was there. She's endearing. She deserves the best. I want to make her happy. I'll do my best. I'm looking forward to see her next Thursday.

I'm supposed to be sleeping, but ran into this cool Korean action flick on cable. "Nowhere To Hide" (1999). Sort of a Korean version of "French Connection". Really cool flick. The things you run into on cable these days. If they ever film a Westernized version, I'd nominate Forest Whittaker to play the main character. Otherwise, forget it. Real cool flick.

Bleh bleh bleh bleh! No, I'm not supposed to make any sense here.

Ok, we're back. Let me just state some things for the record: Erotica, I like. Porn just plain bores me. I could go on a lenghty rant about it but it's midnight, I gotta work tomorrow and I'm brainfried. Expect a well developed rant sometime. I won't say soon.

Oh and by the way, sex is something done between consenting adults. Keywords being consenting and adults. Whatever they do in their privacy, that's their business. Now hand me the whipped cream, the leather mask and the tutu. LOL.

Now back to our regularly scheduled deprogramming....

Bleh bleh bleh bleh!!!!!!!!

Coming from the job and finished dinner. Finally we're gonna start tomorrow with the self-taught modules. Can't wait. I'm usually better working on my own. It's just the way I'm wired.

Meanwhile the more I get to know V., the more I like her. Here's someone who's not afraid to be honest. Honest, truthful, with an opinion and more than willing to back it up in a very smart and witty manner. Someone who's not afraid to be angry, who's not afraid to step in anyone's toes. Who's not afraid to let you know her opinion, but is willing to listen to your own.

Thanks V. I enjoy your presence as well. Your strength of character is endearing to me. Thank you.

i'm about to go to work. feeling completely numb and zombified. the wonders of sleep deprivation. this band called blue oyster cult had a song called "veteran of the psychic wars". i guess the title fits today. total emotional drain. argh.

monday. definetely.

Yes, the lovely Ms. V. was in annoying mode this early morning. It's ok. I can take it. Bring it on. ;) Lots of laughter ensued. "So Stop Saying Ok, OK???" "OK" - The Professional

Agh! They shot my favorite gung ho lesbian Angela Bassett lookalike cop! Argh! Next week it's my birthday and I guess I'll have to wait until they rerun that next episode because hopefully I won't be much conscious next week being my birthday and all that.

The Japanese sometimes get me. I mean, they are one of the more stratified, orderly, cultures in this world. Still they push the boundaries in their artistic expression to the extremes. I mean S&M, Manga, Noise, Movies, but something is really fucked (pun fully intended) regarding Japanese porn. I mean they blur the parts where actual sex between humans is happening. How fucked is that? I don't know. Don't blame me. My brain's sleepless and working overtime. I don't want to imagine what crazy thoughts will be in my head later at work.

Heh.

tweaking the code a bit more, for all for you. bastards. ;)

It's Sunday. Time for the Sopranos, The Wire, recording some stuff for my friend Al. Yeah it's also Mother's Day. Not much about that, really. Yeah I love my Mom, but we have a conflicting relationship. It's ok though. Wished her a Happy Mother's Day. No present this year, due to being in between jobs, but I already eyed her present.

Re-reading William Gibson's "All Tomorrow's Parties". I love Gibson's Konrad. I think my four favorite Gibson characters are Molly, Turner, Petal, Keithy and Konrad. Each a universe of their own, but of all of them, I think I like Konrad the most. Cool, collected, haunted and the Tao lives in him. I think that's what draws me to him. The Tao. If there's ever a film version of "All Tomorrow's Parties" I think they should hurry and cast Terrence Stamp as Konrad. "The Limey" being one of my all time favorite films.

Speaking of film, I you haven't watched "Haiku Tunnel" run to your nearest video store and rent this film. That gave me enough yuks to last me through the week. Go.

Not much to say except that aside from training and work, I look forward to see V again. I enjoy our little chats and tete a tetes. Alright have a great week.

V

Hi. I didn't mean to hurt you with my observation. You mean too much to me for that. If I did hurt you, I'm sorry. I apologize. Deeply.

J

couldn't blog much last night. very tired and headed for bed. still, meeting V. was the highlight of the evening. she's funny and i made her laugh a lot. her honesty is refreshing. i like that. "i don't kiss on the first date. nor the second, nor the third. don't get your hopes high. well, maybe just a little bit then". that statement basically floored me, made me laugh and i got a lot of respect for that. well Ms. V. at least there's hope. and you know that hope is my heroin. i look forward to see you this coming week.

got invited to go out last night but i was too tired. then my friend t. asked me to see if i was going to hard rock cafe to see a friend's band. i refused due to the same reason, but i'll see if i get out tonight.

i got up this morning shaking. lmcc appeared on my dreams again. somehow she and her kids were here in pr. they were brought by alfred d. herger (a local psychologist, personality, etc. yeah i know file that under what the fuck?) and i was with the kids. we were walking through this office and this hallway. he was mentioning that he was working with the fruity loops people (the image-line program company, not the cereal. again, file that under what the fuck?) on their image redesign. we were talking about that and we go out of the hallway to this hall near the port in old san juan where all the cruises are. i take the kids to this old couple that i dont know who they are but they recognize each other so i carry the kids like i used to do when we pretended they could fly so they could kiss this people. i turn around and i see her. she has my back to me and she's signing some package. thing is she signs it with her first name and my last name. turns around and smiles. i am speechless at this point. my heart is racing. i wake up. i couldn't stop shaking. i know it's a dream. a goddamn dream. still....

it seems my former bank and place of employment in tennesee's been fucking around with me and i'll have to call them in order to get a letter from them so i can open a bank account here. shit. oh well....

here are two things i wrote yesterday....

this is the part when i let go
this is the part when i give up
this is the part
when all my dreams are dying

this is the part
where everything's said
this is the part
where everything's done
this is the part
where hope lies bleeding

nothing to embrace
no one to hold
sail adrift
it's all gone

###

to V.

you are lovely
and lively
just one thing:
don't let your youth go to waste

don't look back
nor dwell on things past
time flies too fast
look forward to better things

i know it's hard
been there, done that
but i think you deserve
something better than that

don't let your youth go to waste
i know you tried your best
but some matters
are better left
untouched

you have so much
and had so little
i only one thing to say
don't let your youth go to waste

A very long day. Up since 5am. Got some work done, had a hearty breakfast and joked my ass off with my co-workers at lunch. Met V. this afternoon, had dinner and gave her a tour to some cool shops. We had lots of laughs and had a good time. We also talked about us. I understand and respect her position. We understand each other and I think that helps a lot. It was really good to see her. I look forward to our next meet.

Tonight I really should get some rest. Lots of things to do and very little time to do them. Hopefully V. and I will meet and it will be a good start to the month. I should be so lucky. Fingers crossed!

Hi. Lots of stuff to do at the job. Having a hard time being awake, but I must. Possibly meeting V. tomorrow. Fingers crossed. I hope it happens. Right now I think I should get some sleep. Yeah, sleep. Sleeeeeeeeeeep. V. always makes my day with a call or a postcard.

Well after much tweaking here it is. FAQ YOU version 2.0 I think. Leaner, stronger, faster and with that 'annoying sound' according to Tha D Man. So let me know what you think, won't ya?

Ok so I spent the afternoon and evening having a wonderful chat with V. and tweaking with a new template. So here it is. Simpler and more in tune with my colors. Enjoy! (I think!)

Morning. (cough cough. I'm not a morning person but it pays the bills ok?)
Watched the Metallica special on eMpTyV. I'm not much of a fan. Yes, I like my music very fast and loud, but I liked Anthrax and S.O.D. better. They were funnier. Robert Trujillo (Suicidal Tendencies, Infectious Grooves, Ozzy) definetely does the job as the new bass player, and I don't like what they did to Jason Newsted, but hey, that's between them and their lawyers. The festival of ass kissers was pretty disgusting and further proof that if Metallica influenced those losers, then you wonder why the music business sucks these days. I think Sean Penn's assesment of them was honest, and I applaud him for his sincerity. I think what was more disgusting was that the band that had song like "Disposable Heroes", "Master Of Puppets" and "One" (especially One since it's video has a very strong antiwar message), had the Marines come over and people chanting "USA! USA!". Yes, Jello Biafra was right when he said that heavy metal *is* the most conservative genre of loud music. End of Rant.
Now my friend, fellow music junkie and film freak D is undergoing some really fucked up situations at his workplace. I'm training on this one and it's kinda fucked up too, but I need a job to properly pay some bills. The agency wasn't giving me enough hours and I need a steady source of income, so I'm taking this job and I am happy and grateful since I have the potential to make some extra money. The way to do it though, kind of gives me the heebies. Kind of reminds me of the Snog lyric "the rapist inside every businessman". Strong words, I know, but bear with me.
The way they set this up is that this personnel company hires you to work for this big telecom company (no names, especially since I don't do adverts for free). They give you your salary and a very decent health insurance along with other stuff to keep you content. Now when you're on the floor they give you incentive if you get your customer to sign up to some features. Mind you they are free for an initial trial period, and the customer can bail out anytime before the trial period. I get a comission when the customer agrees to the trial period even if they back out. In a way, yeah it's extra cash and you can even give the customer that feature as a way to calm them if they are irate. Still that Snog lyric kind of does me.
Congratulations to V. She's getting some well deserved recognition. Way to go darling! I'm thinking of you lots of late. Wishing I was there to celebrate with you. Soon. Sooner than you think.
Also got some ideas that I want to blog. More on that later.

Managed to talk to V. on a break from work. It was so good talking to her even for just a moment. I love to hear her voice. It's so upbeat, cheerful and happy. It's so cool to be with her. I look forward to see her very soon. Aside from that, training, training training. Getting up early in the morning. I'm not a morning person, but hey, it's close to the house and I just can't wait to do it. Get me some serious money. Get some shit done.

X2: X-Men United. Whatta movie. Really cool. I enjoyed. Best bang for your buck! Slept some more between dubbing some stuff for a friend. Got up and in time for my first day at this new job. I'm psyched. I like it. Lots of potential to make money. The job and the rapport I have with V. are priorities. It's cool. It's all gonna work out wonderfully. I know. I have a feeling it will.

Missing chatting with V. last night though. Terribly.

Sundays are for crashing. Hard. Need to sleep. More sleep than anything possible. Tomorrow's a big day.

Ok so me and V had one of those really long intense chats last night. The kind you have till the wee hours of the morn and you have to work the next day but you don't care. Because you must. Anyway, this one brings us closer and gives us a better understanding of each other. Cheers! Out and about in the city. A friend of a friend is apartment hunting so it's been a busy day indeed. My brain seems to melt, but it's Saturday and it's OK. Wheeeeeeeeee!

Well according to the lovely Ms. V. I'm a beautiful, blooming, angry, talented and vindictive mayflower. I haven't laughed so much at the sheer imagery of it in a long while. Thank you.

GOT THE FUCKING JOB!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!! WHEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!! The tide is turning!!! Good!!!

Some tweaking done to ze blog. Added some stuff to make things easier for you. Yes, you. Only you. Just you. See the things I do for you? Do you see? Really? ;) :D

How Can I Believe You
When All You Say Is Lies
How Can I Listen To You
When You Have Nothing To Say
How Can I Take Your Word
When Your Actions Speak Louder
How Can I Be Your Friend
When I Can't Even Trust You

You Are So Wrong
I Cannot Forgive
I Cannot Forget
I Cant Be A Hypocrite

You Threw It All Away
Hope It Was Worth It
No Courage
To Make Your Stand
To State Your Case
To Be Honest
Lies Excuses Lamest Of All
You Brought The Pain
Now Deal With It

You think
You can get away with it
You think
You can charm your way out
You think
You plan, you assume
You're in for a surprise

I've got no time for you
You didn't kill me
You made me stronger
You brought it on yourself
Now Deal With It
Your Karma Awaits

To VR:

I've always wanted
to write this letter
and send it
but i'm very afraid
cause I don't want to
send this bottle out to sea
Hope's my heroin
but if I cast this particular bottle out
I might OD on it
and I hate loose ends
I can't live on the hope
that this bottle actually reaches
it's destination and it's read
and I get a bottle back
I'm so scared of doing that
I lost hope on that
I'm sorry
I should write it
I should send it
this superhero
is a Very Doubting Thomas
sometimes....

As of two hours ago, the US Navy is out of Vieques. Also today is International Workers Day.

Just finished watching a pretty scary Chinese film called "The Eye". Really cool. Imagine a mix of "The Sixth Sense", "Body Parts" and "The Mothman Prophecies" and you'll get the picture. Really cool and scary. Got my friend jumping and scared shitless. Read in some place that Tom Cruise's production company already bought the rights so expect to see a butchered Americanized version soon. "The Eye" and "Identity" rock. Fun factoid - "Identity"'s screenwriter also wrote the godawful "Jack Frost" 1 and 2. Fucked, innit?

Had a beautiful conversation with V. Really intense. She's very endearing to me. Watching "The Million Dollar Hotel" now. Beautiful fim. Always love wtching that. Drawn to that film like a moth to the flame.

Read a friend's poem and she authorized me to read it over the music on the upcoming performance on the 29th. I'm gonna read some texts over the music and I'm busy choosing other stuff. See how it goes.

Los Siconautas and Oruga playing Hard Rock Cafe on Friday. Now that would be a sight to see. Sweet.

Tomorrow......
Tomorrow......
The US Navy is out of Vieques, Claridad, the local socialist paper celebrates it's festival, Don Pablo, one of my favorite watering holes celebrates 12 years, T minus 17 days for the 23rd anniversary of Ian Curtis' suicide and my b-day. Hurray!
Wheeeee!!!!.....right....

Color me impressed. Should blast some vintage Replacements.

Gig on the 29th. OPAL. 20 minutes of some electronic experimental soundscapes.

Anyway,

Soundtracks To This Particular Moment:
Killing Joke - "Solitude" Colin Newman "Alone" Depeche Mode "Nothing" Wire "Other Moments"

See what happens when you tattoo Fuck You instead of FAQ YOU courtesy of the Smoking Gun.

Just as lies and bullshit are a sure way to burn bridges with me, a small detail, for example, a postcard, is a sure way to endear me. Thanks V. I needed that one.

Finished the rest of the set for an upcoming performance. Aside from that, work.

**********
Some stuff going through my head of late.

To LMcC Wherever You Are:

Love is a four letter word
at least for me it is.
Lives accross the ocean
Halfway accross the world.
Love's gone though.
I don't know if it'll come back
What form will it take?
How many letters will it have this time?
I don't know. It matters not now.
It doesn't matter along with the rest of my life right now.
Point being:
I felt it
It felt me
The only thing I want to know right now
is that you and yours are alright
and that you're happy
I carry on the memories and the guilt
Even though we were both guilty
I miss you so much baby
I know I can't reach you
but if perhaps you ever see this......
Know this:
You are the love of my life
I will always love you
Always.

J.

Keeping very busy. Working on more music. Good stuff coming out. Watched this film "Ordinary Decent Criminal". Really fucking funny. Kevin Spacey rawks. Looking forward to watch "Taxi" and "Taxi 2" on VCD. Not much to write about, really. Just lots of work.

Ok it's 4:10 am and V. fucking RAWKS! I love our little tete a tetes. Humanity's spared. For now. Congratulations. Lots of love to ya.

Rose's got a brand new job and that's good. Looking forward to what the week brings. Congratulations girl.

Got together with the homies for some hardcore Top Secret S.I. One shot adventure and it was good. Good times for a bloody change. Yes!

Sunday. Sleep. Think. Do a whole lot of nothing. It's beautiful. Some interesting dreams. Quiet. No worries.

someone mentioned i need time to heal. that maybe so, but the only one thing that can heal me is love. like the song goes, only love can save me, but love doesn't arrive when you actually want it. i guess i'm screwed. LOL