Be ruthless
Take risks
No regrets
Safety's off

Because life demands it
and the alternative sucks
Too many sheeps
and you're the Big Bad Wolf

Let them sink in their own shit
Wallow in their self-pity
Let them be stuck
Become their undoing

No compromises
Just understandings
No ties
Perfect strangers

Don't box me in
Don't file me
Don't put me in pedestals
I didn't ask in the first place

Live the moment
at it's fullest
Don't get stuck
Agile, Mobile and Hostile

There's this little birdie who's been coming to my window every 20 mins or so since yesterday. I mean it comes up, sings a bit, then hits the window trying to get in the room. Then it flies up to the window in the living room and repeats the process. I guess I oughta give it points for perseverance but the poor thing suffers and it's kinda annoying. Why does it repeats the same thing again and again? Doesn't the pain register or something? Things could be said about stubornness and perseverance but hey, something's gotta give. I don't know. I just wanted to share this with you.

Interviewing my pals of Cojoba later this afternoon.

Gig on Thursday. Meeting on Tuesday. Job Interview. Going to the Unemployment Office. Live on the dole. Plans. An interesting proposition. Life goes on.

New Antartica album
Working Title: "Don't Hate Us 'Cause We're Beautiful (An Endurance Test)"
Track Listing:

1. Ecos
2. Arturo Se Prepara (Remix)
3. Bodydronelight
4. Harsh
5. Llegada A Puerto Rico (Remix)
6. Nameless
7. Nuria Et Rafi
8. Seductif
9. The Object Of Beauty
10. This House Is Ours
11. Walk In Beauty

Working with Carlitos of Alfafa y Los Kretinos for the lovely guitar parts.
There's no release date yet, but should be soon enough.

Enjoy!

I had to cancel my participation in tonight's festivities. Sorry. Mother's in the hospital. Family always comes first. Her stay made me think a lot about several things. Morbid introspections, later tonight. Maybe. Thanks for the instant messages and the people who've shown their support. You're *never* forgotten. I love you.

I'm on a roll. Just got two new Antartica songs. Actually they're remixes for a film project I am working on, I got a gig tomorrow but I don't know whether I'll make it cause my mother is sick again. Oh well. at least my creative juices are flowing.

Lest I forget: watched John Q today with my pal Joel. Everyone who knows me, knows the issues I've had with the medical establishment and I fucking empathize with the movie. Medicine is such a business. Even in England since the National Health system has been fucked with due to the Tories and here in PR and in the US, the insurance companies and the rest of the vultures make life miserable for the rest of us. I'm currently uninsured and with my condition, that's a no-no, but that's the breaks right now my lovely children. Joel always fucking rocks along with the stuff he plays on his car. My man.

Ok bedtime.

I think creation is one of the most beautiful things in the universe. To be able to do something and call it your own is just wonderful. Since I've been given a gift (or so they say), I've been engaged in recording some of the most recent Antartica tracks for performance and for my guitar player cause I want to include some cool guitars in this one. It's so fucking rewarding being able to record music on my own terms, at my own pace and with my laptop. It's a pleasure and a much needed distraction and relief.

Anyway got a show on Friday and another the following Thursday so it sharpens my skills as well. I think the next Antartica record's gonna have 9 tracks and the working title so far is: "Dont Hate Us Cause We're Beautiful (An Endurance Test)". Yes, another inside joke but hey, that's what you get.

Ok I'm feeling zombified as we speak, so I better hit the sack.

It was a dark, windy and stormy night.
Thunder and lightning everywhere.
A loud cackle and insane laughter was heard accross Maison Popu.
"AT LAST!!!!!!!!!!!"- the master's voice was heard in the halls
"IT'S HERE!!!!!!!!!! AT LAST DAMNIT!!!!!!!!!!"
The USPS carrier delivered the package to Popu's hands.
Once it was in his hands, he dashed to his study and opened it in a frenzy.
"YES YES YES!!!!!!!!!!!" - he grinned while getting the gadget connected
"I CAN FINALLY RECORD SOME COOL SHIT ON THEE LAPTOP"
"BWAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHA!!!!!"
The insane laugher rang in the hallways as he closed the door.

(to be continued)

Ladies And Gentlemen:

Last Minute Tax Return Party (or something)

DJ K Kemit (turntablism, hip hop, electro)
Macroporno (funky house, idm, electronica)
Antartica (electronica, techno, trance
Friday 12th of April
Don Pablo Viejo San Juan
Pass It On

I'd rather have an honest conversation, even if it breaks my heart. Trust is something earned, freely given. Don't expect a friendship from me if you can't be trusted to even keep a meeting, and you're not even honest. At the same time, I can't expect to have a relationship or even a friendship if the other person can't trust me. Harsh? Yes. But without trust, there's nothing. You've put walls and you're the only one who can put them down. I don't deserve this kind of treatment. Goodbye and hope you can sort it out. Walk in Beauty.

"Leave Me Alone"
New Order

On a thousand islands in the sea
I see a thousand people just like me
A hundred unions in the snow
I watch them walking, falling in a row
We live always underground
It's going to be so quiet in here tonight
A thousand islands in the sea
It's a shame

And a hundred years ago
A sailor trod this ground I stood upon
Take me away everyone
When it hurts thou

From my head to my toes
From the words in the book
I see a vision that would bring me luck
From my head to my toes
To my teeth, through my nose
You get these words wrong
You get these words wrong
Everytime
You get these words wrong
I just smile

But from my head to my toes
From my knees to my eyes
Everytime I watch the sky
For these last few days leave me alone
But for these last few days leave me alone
Leave me alone
Leave me alone

Ok so I got back from the dentist minus my upper right wisdom tooth. What a relief! I missed this week's meeting but the program promises to be a blast. I didn't get my gadget today. I'm also supposed to report to my new job tomorrow BUT they haven't confirmed. What a bunch of incompetent nincompoops! I'm having second thoughts of working with these gorillas but the bills need to be paid.

I got a call today from Tonya, my former roommate in Nashville. She's such a doll. I miss her lots and I miss my former co-workers at the Merrimac. I'm seriously considering whether I should go there or Florida. I don't want to stay in PR longer than I have to. Not without a space I can claim as my own. In the meantime there's also some other stuff I gotta discuss. I don't really want to leave but I need my own space, my own place. Somewhere I can feel comfortable. I don't feel like that at my parent's house at all. Chatted with my younger brother. He's such a rascal and a practical joker but can't help but love the guy. He's the man.

Going to the Dentist today. Joy!

Today we proudly announce the return to politics of one Richard Nixon!!!!!!!!!

Mom was sick this morning and we had to rush her to the hospital. Fortunately she was back earlier this evening. Still. Meanwhile still fighting for my job prospects. I'm tired and weary, but my spirits are high. My friend Ezequiel has a new box! Hurray! Tomorrow I'm getting a new gadget so I can finally make music with mine.

Reading an excellent book about the church burnings on Norway called "Lords Of Chaos". Pretty objective depicting all sides on the issue and without histerics or the usual sensasionalistic bullshit.

show's on tonight. let's see....

Wendy O Williams
Kurt Cobain
Rock N Roll Suicides
Never Forgotten (as far as I'm concerned)

It's just one of those moments. Where everything stands still. Quiet. Nothing absolutely happens. Things are happening on the job front. By next week, I should get a job. Let's see what this holds for my projects. Right now, I'm sorting it out. Resolution will come. Soon. Meanwhile, a show tomorrow.

Found a home for OCIO LOUNGE and a possible DJ residency. I also went to see my friend SANTOS spin a very wicked techno set. It's a fucking shame the place was empty cause I could've danced my ass off with the proper company. Nevertheless my friend and brother Angelito and I had a fucking blast, thankyouverymuch.

And I found myself missing you terribly. Then I wonder if you feel the same. One of those lingering questions, isn't it?

My ghosts appear when I least expect it. Instead of scaring me, or bring me nightmares, they just bring me sadness. Time has given me the perspectives needed to deal with that. I just live with the good memories, and keep walking. No need to wallow in self pity, melancholy and all that. That is a waste of time. Move on.

I ran into my friend Ninablue online. She's such a great gal. It's always good to chat with her. Take care liebchen!

My friend Ben Raino turned 25 today. You fucking bastard. I hope you finish your album and keep releasing that beautiful music of yours into the world. Best wishes to you and your lovely wife. Did I mentioned that I was the one who introduced them and I was the best man in their wedding? Yes. Moi. Matchmaker. Actually, they're the second couple I got together, but that's another story.

Daryl and his wife are still vacationing on the Netherlands and loving it. Lovely, isn't it?

The behavior shown here makes me wanna vomit and wish I could drop an H-bomb on the island.

PANIC ROOM is quite a good film. Don't expect Fight Club but it has a solid cast and a good plot. Now what is it about David Fincher and women in closed environments? The Usual Suspects special edition tranfer to DVD is so sweet, it's worth it. The deleted scenes....mmmmmmm........and watch the gag reel.

sometimes people are tempted to follow the path of least resistance. i chose not to. i sit and wait. see how things develop. it might be frustrating, but it's my choice to wait. I'm sticking to it. "first thing you learn, it that you've always got to wait." lou reed was so right and applies to several things in this life.

the others is out on dvd on may the 14th and it would make an excellent birthday present. subtle as a kick in the groin.

frankness and honesty do not equal harshness. if they do, well, life is pretty harsh anyway. when you want to establish a relationship with someone. friends, business, etc., you'd like to develop some basic trust. when you don't bother to show a modicum of trust, what are you expecting? is this harsh? no, i think this is honest. and the reason i might be such a hardass about it, is that you have to choose your friends. choose carefully.

yes, some people demand a sense of tact, i think it's more of a sense of discretion.

beau sia made my day again with a reply to a note i sent him. few 'famous' people bother to even do that these days. shit, man, give them hell, don't let them bring you down.

having said that, i gotta say that AOL SUCKS MAJOR ASS!!!!!!!!! I mean, yes, is a freebie I have because I bought this machine, but fuck! why am I not able to use fucking trillian nor outlook express. if anyone knows of a good reliable ISP, let me know.

zoolander is funny as hell.

I haven't seen or read about this much death and suffering in a while. Not in this lifetime, at least for now. I can't say anyone is right here because both sides have a legitimate claim to co-exist. Ytzhak Rabin, the only person bold enough to believe in peace in the Middle East, was murdered by one of his own. There's not much Arafat can do while he's trapped in that bunker. Also he failed to assert control of the different factions in the Palestinian cause. This is madness. Sheer fucking madness and it's spreading. I always thought our next World War would be fought over there. Not Iraq. Not Afghanistan. There. Israel. Please prove that I'm wrong.

On a lighter note, breakfast, chatting and window shopping are wonderful with the right person. I really enjoy your company.

training day is such a fucking cool movie. like i mentioned before when i watched this at the theatre, denzel definetely had fun acting here and it shows. 'THIS AINT CHECKERS!!!!!!!! THIS IS CHESS MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!!!! This tape i'm making is chock full of ultraviolence. training day and series 7. any suggestions?
i've seen the future. it is murder - leonard cohen

Some of yesterday's pranks were so beautiful, I nearly pissed myself laughing. Today's gonna be a bit different.

"It's a strange day
in such a lonely way"
- new order

Finished 'Noir'. Fucked up in several levels, but I liked it. Distopyan and edgy. 'London Fields' is next. Not much for this week. An errand, an interview with a band and more job hunting.

M Dearest

You can't stop a storm, but allow me to shelter you from it.

J.

You are the Queen Of Hearts
I am the Suicide King
Lift me up
Lift me up
Lift me up
Lift me up high
And we'll rise
And we'll rise
Mary My Hope - Suicide King

England's Queen Mother is dead. Rest In Peace. It's kinda funny the way things worked out for tonight's activities. God has a sense of humour.

Had the pleasure and the honor of writing the liner notes for the soon to be released CD of the Musique Concrete Ensemble. The MCE is the brainchild of one of my antartica bandmates, Rafael Irizarry. Please check ithem out.

Watery. Fluid. Dreamy. The Musique Concrete Ensemble is this and more. Under the influence of several composers and artists who shall remain nameless, but are obvious to the trained ears, the MCE creates music that's suitable for just about any aspect of our daily lives. This is a soundtrack for a ride through the expanse of the cityscape, suitable for reading, cooking, flying, fucking. It evokes images and plays with our consciousness. The MCE treats it's instruments and they end up sounding like something else. Alchemy. Transmutation. Play. It sneaks up on you. It seduces you. It's sensual and very beautiful. - Jose E. Roman, March 2002, http://www.rojoynegro.com

Missing you terribly, I'm afraid. Wondering how you're doing and if you miss me too.

Right after I posted that last entry, something was nagging me on my head. A thought surfaced just barely above conciousness and a memory of Hakim Bey's "The Obelisk" comes to mind regarding the current world situation. A quick perusal and here it is:

"The fact is that any map will fit any territory...given sufficient violence. Every ideology is complicit with every other ideology—given enough time (and rope). These complexes are nothing but unreal estate, properties to be stripped of assets, vampirized for imagery, propped up to keep the marks in line, manipulated for profit—but not taken seriously by grown-ups. For the adult of the species there remains nothing but the atomized sell of exchange, and the unlikely consolations of greed and power." - Hakim Bey "The Obelisk"

My pal Daryl is in the Netherlands and having a blast. I gave him a few pointers about places and bands to check out. He's having a blast so far. I *was* going to see Oscilador 4 and Solur, but I was *absorved* by "Noir". This book is full of puns and some black humor that you have to look for. The story is good and the scenario as far as I can tell is quite deranged. K.W. Jeter's imagination is really cool. Still reading it. Devouring and picturing every word, every little detail. I'm a pretty fast reader, but this book *forces* me to slow down and check every sentence, paragraph word. It's that good.

Tonight it's going to be interesting in several ways. Meanwhile, I got to get some stuff done.

It kills me that we celebrate Holy Week and in the Holy Land, Israelis and Palestinians are busy killing each other. If that's not a cosmic joke, I don't know what is.

Good Friday. What's so good about it, really? Most places here are closed. People flock the churches this weekend and in Christmas, then tell God to fuck off the rest of the year. Me? I'm a little more honest about it. I'm eating a Double Whopper with cheese, no mayo. Why? Because this is supposed to be a free country and Burger King is the only fast food joint sensible enough to open. I mean, in other countries it's business as usual. Sure, Jesus died, but I still had to go to class, go to work, take midterms and all that bull. But because here in PR, the Shining Star of The Caribbean, we have to be more religious than the Pope, everything shuts down. Besides, this is an excuse for people to get away to the beach, take the weekend off or give the finger to the rest of the world. Me? I'm eating this Whopper, reading "Noir" and getting ready to party tonight with Oscilador 4 and Solur (Panoptica).

Oh and antartica is the opening act for Icaro Azul's record release party on Hard Rock Cafe on the 18th.

"Jesus Died For Your Sins, But Not Mine" - Patty Smith (who has a cool boxed set out. I want it.)

Amour Fou Crazy Love

by Hakim Bey

AMOUR FOU IS NOT a Social Democracy, it is not a Parliament of Two. The minutes of its secret meetings deal with meanings too enormous but too precise for prose. Not this, not that--its Book of Emblems trembles in your hand.
Naturally it shits on schoolmasters & police, but it sneers at liberationists & ideologues as well--it is not a clean well-lit room. A topological charlatan laid out its corridors & abandoned parks, its ambush-decor of luminous black & membranous maniacal red.

Each of us owns half the map--like two renaissance potentates we define a new culture with our anathematized mingling of bodies, merging of liquids--the Imaginal seams of our City-state blur in our sweat.

Ontological anarchism never came back from its last fishing trip. So long as no one squeals to the FBI, CHAOS cares nothing for the future of civilization. Amour fou breeds only by accident--its primary goal is ingestion of the Galaxy. A conspiracy of transmutation.

Its only concern for the Family lies in the possibility of incest ("Grow your own!" "Every human a Pharoah!")--O most sincere of readers, my semblance, my brother/sister!--& in the masturbation of a child it finds concealed (like a japanese-paper-flower-pill) the image of the crumbling of the State.

Words belong to those who use them only till someone else steals them back. The Surrealists disgraced themselves by selling amour fou to the ghost-machine of Abstraction--they sought in their unconsciousness only power over others, & in this they followed de Sade (who wanted "freedom" only for grown-up whitemen to eviscerate women & children).

Amour fou is saturated with its own aesthetic, it fills itself to the borders of itself with the trajectories of its own gestures, it runs on angels' clocks, it is not a fit fate for commissars & shopkeepers. Its ego evaporates in the mutability of desire, its communal spirit withers in the selfishness of obsession.

Amour fou involves non-ordinary sexuality the way sorcery demands non-ordinary consciousness. The anglo-saxon post- Protestant world channels all its suppressed sensuality into advertising & splits itself into clashing mobs: hysterical prudes vs promiscuous clones & former-ex-singles. AF doesn't want to join anyone's army, it takes no part in the Gender Wars, it is bored by equal opportunity employment (in fact it refuses to work for a living), it doesn't complain, doesn't explain, never votes & never pays taxes.

AF would like to see every bastard ("lovechild") come to term & birthed--AF thrives on anti-entropic devices--AF loves to be molested by children--AF is better than prayer, better than sinsemilla--AF takes its own palmtrees & moon wherever it goes. AF admires tropicalismo, sabotage, break- dancing, Layla & Majnun, the smells of gunpowder & sperm.

AF is always illegal, whether it's disguised as a marriage or a boyscout troop--always drunk, whether on the wine of its own secretions or the smoke of its own polymorphous virtues. It is not the derangement of the senses but rather their apotheosis--not the result of freedom but rather its precondition. Lux et voluptas. Light And Pleasure

Tricky
Aftermath ( 1st Version )

'Let me tell you about my mother...'

Martina :

For one, (more poor boy), there's someone
For he for she
For one (more poor boy), there's someone
For him, for me

Tricky & Martina :

Your eyes resemble mine, you see as no others can
Here inherit my kingdom, speak of our people's plan
I'll be here for my baby, for my baby I'll be near
So many things I need to tell you, things you need to hear

Tricky :

It was a day like no other
Clocks [hanging off]
It was said they dropped the bomb
And I walked out the door
Feeling lonely, [I see rain/as a ray]
Thinking of what was once
So I go in search of people
[Song of] the inhabitants
The air is filled with chemicals
So this is the aftermath
Walking over rubble
Which was once [cause’s calf]
Down to the center
Which used to be central

Martina :

So this is the aftermath

For one, (more poor boy), there's someone
For he for she
For one (more poor boy), there's someone
For him, for me

Tricky & Martina :

Your eyes resemble mine, you see as no others can
Here inherit my kingdom, speak of our people's plan
I'll be here for my baby, for my baby I'll be near
So many things I need to tell you, things you need to hear

Martina :

For one, (more poor boy), there's someone
For he for she
For one (more poor boy), there's someone
For him, for me

'How can I
'How can I
How can I be sure
In a world that's constantly changing
How can I be sure

Just when I thought I was winning
Just when I thought I could not be stopped
Just when I thought I was winning
Just when I thought I could not be stopped
how can I be sure

Today started kind of strange, but then dealing with the aftermath or whatever that means. Gifts were bestowed. A car was driven. Conversations were struck and silent moments of reflection were done. At the end it was beautiful. I think I learn about myself and her everyday. Psychedelic Furs was the official soundtrack.

Watched Blade 2 with Angelito. Guillermo Del Toro (Cronos, The Devil's Backbone, Mimic) gives this one his own twist. I liked this one better than the first. Of course, I don't follow the comic books so any fanboys out there, feel free to vent. Wished she was there to see it, but she needs space. Space was given. Then we watched a good punk rock show (Boca, Microbios, La Experiencia, Kabezudos de Villa Abajo and High Strung). They changed the venue but the show was really cool nonetheless. I enjoyed myself with Angelito and a bunch of friends. A good time was had by all, and a good start for the weekend.

Tomorrow, Oscilador 4 and Solur at Nuyorican. Saturday, Fabulosos Cadillacs (haven't seen them in 3 years unlike the rest of the population here). Sunday, rehearsal.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Just drive
In silence
We hear the raindrops falling
The tape on the stereo
sings about a heartbreak beat
We sometimes talk
and watch each other
then your sense of humor comes up
black and macabre
I can't help but laugh
We talk and listen
and drive
Someplace out of here
Where it's just us and the road
I watch you drive and you smile
Your beauty
Your sense of humor
Your wit
We switch gears and languages
as far away from the cityscape
Slowly we thaw ourselves
out of the silence
and talk about things we like
things we hate
and everything in between
We stop for gas
and only then we're back to reality
Once we got it, we ride again
and drive
I worry but I'm at ease
when you're around
This heaviness and numbness
fades away
My heart soars
Life acquires meaning
When we get in the car
and just drive

Ok time to hit the sack. Lou Reed's "New York" on the stereo. Classic. Let's face tomorrow with hope, faith and a smile.

All right well and good I'll admit
it's all my fault I'm sorry ok

'Cos there's reason behind my reptile smile
yeah there's reason behind my reptile smile

I love you I love you I love you I love you
I love you

Th' Faith Healers - Reptile Smile

Walk with me
Open your sensitive mouth
And talk to me
Hold out your delicate hands
And feel me
Couldn't make any plans
To conceal me

Open your sensitive mouth
Hold out your delicate hands
With such a sensitive mouth
I'm easy to see through
When I come up
When I rush
I rush for you

Cry for you
Seen the tears
Roll down from my eyes for you
Heard my truth
Distorting to lies for you
Watched my love
Becoming a prize for you

Seen the tears in my eyes
Heard my truth turn to lies
Seen the tears in my eyes
I'm not proud of what I do
When I come up
When I rush
I rush for you

I come up to meet you
Up there somewhere
When I rush to greet you
My soul is bared

Gave more for you
Dropped my crutches
And crawled on the floor for you
Went looking behind every door for you
And because of the things
That I saw for you
I spiritually grew
When I come up
When I rush
I rush for you

- Depeche Mode "Rush"

People fade and I Forget You
I Hear Footsteps
Icy Faces
And It All Means
Nothing To Me Now
All That Money Wants

- The Psychedelic Furs "All That Money Wants"

The Drugs Dont Work by The Verve

All this talk of getting old
It's getting me down my love
Like a cat in a bag, waiting to drown
This time I'm comin' down

And I hope you're thinking of me
As you lay down on your side
Now the drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again


Now the drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again


But I know I'm on a losing streak
'Cause I passed down my old street
And if you wanna show, then just let me know
And I'll sing in your ear again


Now the drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again


'Cause baby, ooh, if heaven calls, I'm coming, too
Just like you said, you leave my life, I'm better off dead


All this talk of getting old
It's getting me down my love
Like a cat in a bag, waiting to drown
This time I'm comin' down


Now the drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again


'Cause baby, ooh, if heaven calls, I'm coming, too
Just like you said, you leave my life, I'm better off dead


But if you wanna show, just let me know
And I'll sing in your ear again


Now the drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again


Yeah, I know I'll see your face again
Yeah, I know I'll see your face again
Yeah, I know I'll see your face again
Yeah, I know I'll see your face again


I'm never going down, I'm never coming down
No more, no more, no more, no more, no more
I'm never coming down, I'm never going down
No more, no more, no more, no more, no more
(Repeat and Fade Out)

Passover Survival Checklist:

London Fields by Martin Amis
Noir by K.W. Jeter
Thursday > La Experiencia and a host of other cool bands @ El Teatro
Friday >>> Oscilador 4 and Solur @ Nuyorican Cafe
Saturday > Los Fabulosos Cadillacs & Circo
Maybe rent some cool DVD's. Sunday is always good for rehersal. Time to vent some pent-up shit.

It all started innocently enough. Started reading K.W. Jeter's "Noir" while waiting to get some info on some I.T. courses. Thinking about it, it might help me get through this weekend.

Anyway after taking a test and an interview, I just have to do some more bureaucratic bullshit dancing in order to see *if* I can get that course. *If* I take it and once I pass it, my job prospects should improve. I went to the radio station and started to work on uploading last week's show. Eze's computer was not converting the mp3's so I use the laptop. Uploading one file but three to go. I finish the second hour and it all hits the fan.

Bedlam. Chaos. All hell breaks loose, and that's an understatement.

She needs her space and I respect her wishes. Even though I see what she's going through. You deserve that and more. Yes, it hurts but instead of relying on emotional blackmail, or pushing it, I'd rather follow your wishes, and hope for the best. That's the least thing I can do. Still, I worry and I'm concerned. I sit and wait. There's something between us, and I think whatever you decide, you're great, you're beautiful and there's nothing in this life that would please me more than to make you happy. I think it's only fair to say that we deserve a shot at it. Your selflessness amazes me, but look at the whole picture.

Just when I get out of the station, I get a call from him. Anger, outrage, way out of control. Hurt like hell. You've put me on a pedestal against my wishes. I'm not above anyone. I'm just human. I told you again and again and again, yet you put me there. Like I warned you: I'm just human. I'm bound to make mistakes. Just like everybody else.

You don't want to be my friend? Fine. You're leaving? It's your call. I wish I could stop you from doing all this damage to yourself, but it's your choice, and you won't listen. All I have to say is:

I'm sorry

Think carefully what you say and what to do. You're acting out of rage and frustration, not the best way to reach a decision. Not the way to deal with the cards given to you. If you still think that's the way to handle it, fine. Go your own way. You decide to walk away, and no one can stop you.

I hope you sort out your problems. You're a great person, but troubled. So are the rest of us, but even you realize you need help to sort it out. I hope you do. I know right now you hate my guts and I'm sorry. My door remains open.

Now, I sit and wait.

I woke up unusually happy this morning. A day full of possiblities. I laid in bed for a bit and this was the first thing running through my mind.

It's been ages since I slept like a baby
It's been ages since I smiled
It's been ages since my heart was restless
It's been ages since I felt like this
Happiness tastes like this

It's been ages since a good conversation
It's been ages since I held a hand
It's been ages since I had a laugh
It's been ages since I felt this way
Happiness feels like this

And now you'll excuse me, I'm taking on the world right now.

ART PROJECT DO IT FAST DO IT NOW DEPT.

There's a cruxifiction depicted right outside Plaza Las Americas mall. If we could take a picture of it with a bunch of us looking at it with shopping bags and placing "MACY'S" instead of "INRI" that would be cool. Any takers? It'd make a lovely cover for an Hijos de Cain record. We could title it. "Shopping For A Religious Experience".

Life is lived through a series of moments. You learn to enjoy them the best you can. You don't know when it will all be over, so might as well....

Sometimes you get lost looking at the big picture when you miss what's happening in front of you. Sometimes you are looking down all gloom and doom and you forget to raise your head and see a beautiful blue sky. Not this time my friends. Not this time. Just take your time, let the pieces fall where they may. Be truthful. Be tactful. Be honest. Be true to yourself. Be very very very careful. It will all be sorted out.

God mocks me again. There are no coincidences. I should've stayed in my shell. At least I know what to expect. It happens everytime I am actually interested in someone. No matter. Life goes on. The ball is on the court and I don't expect a return volley anytime soon. Figures.

I'd like to thank the Academy for today for it is full of interviews, filling out forms and meeting someone. The third one is the one I actually look for. Ok kids. And the nomineees are....

I hate reality shows. I fucking hate them. They can fucking go to hell but Series 7 is my favorite. It's a spoof about so-called reality shows with a twist. Phil Donahue was right.

Whatta show! Got a new place for the blog FTP style! Whew! The show was beautiful and we went for late nite dinner (again) but it was funny. Ezequiel, Angelito, Pepe and me laughing our asses off. I'm glad to be able to share this with you guys.

Monday my son. The operative word. Monday.

Introduced Pepe to Beau Sia and 12 Rounds while shopping for a PA for my bands. He likes! Wax Trax show tonight. Wheeee!

This ain't rock n'roll no...... this is genocide!!!!! - Bowie

Ok so......

Wrote the interviews until 6 am only to wake up in a daze at 11 am to get some stuff going. I find a suitable replacement to host http://www.rojoynegro.org and possibly a new home for the blog. So I start to update/download/transfer the pages. I call my friend Pepe a bit after 1 pm. He's set. I have to wait to sort out my paycheck. by almost 5 o clock we hit the workplace for my check. I'm happy. Better than expected. Will help me sort out some financial shit. It hits me on the way to get the check and after one of our deep conversations.

Bank's closed. Wait til tomorrow at the earliest. I have some cash on but with both of us meeting friends at 7, I think the funds will not be enough to get me through the weekend.

I realize there is a God and (s)he has a sick sense of humor. Sorry Kevin Smith, but God ain't Alanis Morrissette. Pepe and I figured out that God is Rick Flair, George Carlin and Lemmy. Yeah, that's the Holy Trinity. Not some Canadian hippy chick on acid. Gotta give God his/her props.

We hit the University and coordinate tomorrow's show. It'll be the shiznit. Wax Trax! Records. All the fucking three hours, for your pleasures. Get your recorders ready. I shave quickly and head for the meet. It's cool to hit the bookstore near my house. Cool selection and I check out The Dove's CD and check out the latest install of Magnet Magazine. A history of shoegazing. Mmmmm. That and an open mike poetry reading. The reading's will be a monthly affair and I'll probably muster some stuff for next month. It'll be my first.

On the way out of the University I make a mental note to speak with Mayra Santos-Febles. She's a great writer and I need to get in touch with her. I need a good mentor if I'm gonna write the novel I want to write.

Back to the bookstore and there's where God gets the punchline.

Mari shows up. Lin got sick and can't come.The moment I've been waiting for this week never happens. Mari tells me that Lin still wants to meet me for Monday. My stomach's churning for food and dissappointed is the word that comes to mind. Oh well. Not her fault, really. Be cool. Shit happens. That's a curveball, that's all. I tell Mari to let Lin know that it's cool and I hope that she gets better. The three of us go to the nearest restaurant for food.

On the drive there, Pepe tries to reassure me and attempts to get me out of the funk. I slowly let go of it. It's beyond him and I just have to slowly let it go. It's not anyone's fault here. Don't be a prick. Monday. Monday, son. Then it hits me with the subtlety of a well placed kick in the groin: "God Mocks Me." - Dante. "The best well laid plans...." and all that. Can't help but laugh.

The food takes the bad mood off me. I get to eat with friends, I'm happy. The second we get of our cars and sit in the restaurant, the conversation flows and the three of us enjoy it. Let it go, and talk about a lot of stuff. Mari and Pepe's sense of humor and wit are amazing. It was a fun evening, really. We laugh share jokes and have a blast. Meanwhile I think and ponder. Things are not so bad. You're having fun with friends. You got some money. What more do you want you ungrateful little man? I go home and finish Neverwhere. Gaiman rocks. Definetely. I have to do three reviews for Monday and I have to look for this course. I might suggest it to Pepe. This should be good.

Get paid. Pay off your stuff. Monday my son. Monday. I hope you get better son Lin. Mari, Pepe: thank you. Let's do it often.

Upsetting Things Dept.:

I used to have 2 backups of my website on two different places. One of them I can't log on for the life of me. The other just shut down. Like that. No explanation at all. Well it was nice that I kept my original site where it is. Well they were free sites but it's upsetting. Fuck!

Aside from that..... handed in my two interviews, checking for a possible paycheck from my old job *and* going out with some friends. Fingers crossed.

They say I work well under pressure. Well..... let's see. I got until 1 pm tomorrow to interview 2 bands and I am meeting some friends at 7. Let's see where that takes me. And I think I'm getting my last paycheck from my other job tomorrow. Wheeeeeeeee.....

Rented "The Heist" and "Sexy Beast". Brilliant!

Talking to you
It's something I look after
and I want you to know that
I await patiently
for our next little chat
Take care.

wowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowow

curveballs and conversations galore!!!!!!!

"i'm ready to say
i'm glad to be alive"

u2 - zoo station

.....at least for the moment.......these are the moments worth living........

thanks

too many bands sound like korn
too many bands sound like korn
too many bands sound like korn
TOO MANY BANDS SOUND LIKE KORN!!!!!!!!!! - acumen

en este valle de lagrimas no paramos de reirnos - a wise person

its 7:21 am and I only slept for about three hours. downloaded some stuff for the computer, updated the website and some new links to your left, if you care.

all day rehearsal today. wish me luck!

i love you all.

This is it. I need a job. Right fucking now. And I also need an intelligent, witty, sensitive, romantic and understanding woman to be at my side. Any takers?

"You shut your mouth
How can you say
I go about things the wrong way
I am human
and I need to be loved
Just like everybody else does"

- The Smiths "How Soon Is Now?"

This is so bloody beautiful.

Today we did a meet and greet to the University's alumni at the station. Before we did that, me and a friend cleared some potential conflict. We solved it beautifully. Then we watched Wrestlemania. For the record. It's good to be with friends again. I mean, it's actually good to do things together. It was a good day.

five in the morning. "hey" by the pixies.

nuff said.

Someone called me a Unicorn today. I might agree on the elusive part of them. They're hard to catch and I'm shy as hell sometimes, but I'm not beautiful, but thank you for the compliment. Pepe you are so goddamn lucky you son of a gun. That someone wants to introduce me to her friend. She's beautiful and seems like a person I'd love to meet. Please *do not* allow me to screw this one up. Pretty please? Did I say someone called me a Unicorn? Thank you.

And if you're reading this, nice to meet you. :D I thought of a present to give to you, cause I'm like that. V For Vendetta by Alan Moore. I'm feeling like V sometimes. I hope I can give it to you and I hope maybe you can understand why. Meanwhile I'll burn you a little something to hear whenever you feel like it.

Meanwhile I *shouldn't* watch "Chasing Amy" on my current state of mind. I shouldn't but I did cause I have to. The way the film deals with relationships it's great. It hits home on many things that I had to stop it to get some air. A tip of the hat to you Mr. Smith. I, um, need to get on with my life and whatever it brings. I need this. Cranking The Smith's "How Soon Is Now?" and These Immortal Souls "So The Story Goes". Maybe I put *way* too much faith into things, I don't know. Blame the romantic in me. I love the way things come into my life. Thanks for giving me another reason to live day by day. I live for these curveballs life throws at me.

madness sheer madness.....lol

by the way regarding Ansterdam: no I don't partake in smoking the herb. I should make a rant about drugs one of these days. Not now though. Fucking busy. And I dont hire hookers. I like my nooky for free thankyouverymuch

If there's one thing in this world that I fucking hate is when people dont get my fucking delivery order straight. Especiallly when we're all doing thirteen things at once at the station goddamnit!!!!!!!!

Things That Are The Shiznit As For Today Dept.

windows xp professional - yes i'm a johnny come lately and this os is the rightful heir to windows 2k. fuck i love it and somebody gave it to me as a present. wheeeee!!!

superaquello. think cafe tacuba meets stereolab with some added puertorican flavor.

lacteos = thee puertorican punk jazz ensemble.

kabezudos de villa abajo = melodic punk rock reccommended by my friends at alfalfa y los kretinos. christ! i wish i was fucking half my age again. such energy and melody. no wonder they opened for my friends at la experiencia and nofx!!!!!

plus I got to sing with my buddies at tropiezo. back to the good ole days of scream alongs

one of my best buddies stateside, daryl is going to ansterdam. yay! museums, hookers, art and cannabis ad nauseaum. wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

by the way a belated happy birthday to Leilani. yerba mala nunca muere. i really hope you can get a man so you can get your freak on babe.

ok it's six thirty three in the morning. i've been up for way too long.

Resident Evil last night. Kick ass! and Superaquello tonight. Wheee!

Saw Queen of the Dead. Twice. I think that's why I pine for my ex. We both loved Ann Rice and she is the loveliest goth alive. Oh well. Too bad we didn't have that happy ending. Life goes on. La di da. Friday my buddies at superaquello do an in-store at Borders. Schweeet. Just close to home. Wheeee!

Paid my taxes today and getting a refund. Nevermind that cause I still got bills to pay and there are strange things going on at the house. Missing shit and all that. In other news, I should say that Neil Gaiman's "Neverwhere" is the shit! I know I'm a bit late but a friend pointed out to the book and the mini-series of late. So much for being cool. :p

Not much to say really. except that i bought Neil Gaiman's "Neverwhere". I need to rest, yet I cannot sleep.

once upon a time
boy meets girl
halfway accross the world
and after three years
he breaks her heart
and she his in return

sorry.

(((ocio lounge))) on hold for the moment. and now a message from our sponsors. i am so fucking depressed right now (and its not because of that). fucking ghosts in my head. either my deppression or my diabetes will kill me for sure.

Telefono Celular prepagado $89
cuenta de internet gratis
entrada a iambica $2
dos 7-up $3
numero de una chica que te gusta gratis
parking en Fela $2.75
cena en denny's $10
sacar a alguien por el techo con un simple comentario dejado en un numero y respondido atraves del internet PRICELESS
para todo lo demas esta.......

teehee!!!!!!

More tech woes. Back to html and to blogspot.com I'm afraid.

I hate technolgy and human snafus. bear with me. Trying to install blogkomm on my server. My hideout is interesting and it times out. Aaaaaargh!!

Yesterday I asked myself: What is a 33 year old male with a Journalism BA and a boner for music dealing with idiots who don't know how to use what they've purchased?

I quit my job yesterday. Handed my resignation and walked out. Did the show later that night. What a fucking release! The show went without a hitch. I was at the door and running around getting change but aside from that, it was beautiful. It's good to do these things. Now I can concentrate on writing, music and getting a job that allows me to have a social life.

The struggle is hard, the struggle is beautiful.

Ok I've got to come to terms with an aspect my life right now. This job is getting on my way of doing something I like: making music. Last night I was jamming with my new band and it felt great. I missed that a lot. I was tweaking to my heart's content on my laptop and I didn't want to let go. I realize I cannot make a living doing the music I like. Music for me is a catharsis a release, sometimes it's better than sex, better than any drug, better than anything on this planet. To be able to share it and for people to like it, that's a bonus. I just want a job that I enjoy doing and that doesn't interfere with gigs or rehearsals. This one currently doesn't do that. I know I got bills to pay and all that. But I work to live not live for work. At least not this one. Sheeeeiiiiiiiiit last night and this morning was so fun. Looking forward for tonight's show.

In totally 80's mode. On the prowl and listening to "Hungry Like The Wolf" in my head.
Awooooooooooooooooooooooowooooooowoooooowooooooooo
I met this girl the other day and I want to go to the movies with her. Charmed me. Badly.
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

I'm at my friend's desk. It's good to be the king. :D

Losing My Religion Dept:

*IF* I picked my own religion, I'd be a....

1. Neo-Pagan (100%)
2. Unitarian Universalism (86%)
3. Reform Judaism (77%)
4. Hinduism (76%)
5. Sikhism (75%)
6. Liberal Quakers (72%)
7. Mahayana Buddhism (69%)
8. Jainism (64%)
9. New Age (63%)
10. Orthodox Judaism (62%)
11. Secular Humanism (62%)
12. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (60%)
13. Bahá'í Faith (57%)
14. Scientology (53%)
15. Theravada Buddhism (50%)
16. New Thought (50%)
17. Islam (47%)
18. Nontheist (41%)
19. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (38%)
20. Orthodox Quaker (37%)
21. Taoism (33%)
22. Eastern Orthodox (30%)
23. Roman Catholic (30%)
24. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (28%)
25. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (26%)
26. Seventh Day Adventist (25%)
27. Jehovah's Witness (21%)

So much for 9 years of Catholic School eh?

My current wish list:

love
hope
strength

That's all I need. Right fucking now. Pretty please with a cherry on top.

why am i so bummed out damnit?
maybe it's that pesky ghost i can't seem to let go of.
fuck off.
i met someone yesterday. nice. beautiful. smart.
let's see where it goes. i need someone like that.

so fresh and so clean clean!

Procastrination I don't want to go to work oh well

no new tale to tell - love and rockets
actually i'm getting my other band together and it's promising. we start getting our stuff together on wendesday. very interesting

If I was a Greek God/Goddess, I'd be........

# 1 Apollo - Was Artemis twin brother. He was a great musician, and the god of truth, light, and healing.
# 2 Hades - He controlled the underworld (heaven & hell). He is Zeus's brother. He is known for being merciless, but just. he is also rich for he owns all metal/gems found in the earth. He married Persephone, whom he had kidnapped. He was king of the dead, but was not death itself.
# 3 Hephaestus - Was the only crippled god. He had a deformed leg. He was the fire god. He created all the god's armor and weapons. He was known as being very kind and good natured. He was the blacksmith to the gods.
# 4 Hermes - Was the messenger of the gods. He was very mischievous. He was the god of thieves. He had a winged hat, and winged sandals.
# 5 Athena - Was the goddess of battle. She was known as being logical and wise. she was also the protector of weavers, architects, and artists. She was one of the virgin goddesses, and was vain.
# 6 Poseidon - He was the ruler of the sea, and Zeus's brother. He created the first horse, and the first earthquake. He was happily married. He is always seen carrying his trident.
# 7 Ares - Was the god of war. He was known as being a coward, and was quite disliked by most.
# 8 Artemis - Was Apollo's twin sister. She was the huntress goddess. She was also the protector of youth. She was one of the three virgin goddesses. She hated men and loved only the hunt. She was also known as the moon goddess.
# 9 Aphrodite - Was married to Hephaestus, but did not love him. She was the goddess of love. She was the most beautiful of all the goddesses. She was very vain. She could be spiteful at times but was usually just a ditz.
# 10 Hera - She is Zeus's wife and sister. She was the protector of marriage. She was also known for the cruel punishments she would inflict on the women Zeus slept with. She was also very vain.
# 11 Hestia - She is Zeus's sister, and is goddess of the hearth. She is know for being one of the three virgin goddesses.
# 12 Zeus - Ruler of all the gods. He ruled the sky, and wielded the lightning bolt. He is married to Hera, but sleeps with many a mortal women.

Shit. Apollo or Hades. Hmmmmmmmmm.

sisters of mercy's "floodland" if you care. hearing the roar of the big machine....
...and the wind blows still... and the wind blows wild again.....

pure morning pure morning pure morning pure morning

Ok so far no problems with the new address. Thank "BOB" for other providers. Free market or something. Woohoo!

Ok finally figured out how to FTP to one of my cyberspace hideouts. Let's see if this one lasts. Fingers crossed!

I am happy for the accomplishments done for the past weeks.
Still at the end of the day.
I am alone in it.
I sit down for dinner at this place near my workplace.
Table's empty and I think of you.
I curse myself for it.
My heart sneaking you at this time.
Yeah I'm the one who left.
You're the one who dissappeared.
How I miss you.
How hard is to replace you.
So much together.
Not an easy task.
I miss you yeah.
Tonight of all nights.
I hope you're doing fine, I really do.
We were meant for each other
I needed you. You wouldn't come.
I walked away.
Regrets? A few.
Take care.
I got a life to live.
Without you.

"I sold my soul and the devil wanted a refund". I know. I'm bored.

I must say I hate Geocities' policy eliminating FTP to free users. Especially those of us who've stuck with them for a while. Makes me want to migrate my site or actually getting a proper ISP account. I have free AOHell but they're a pain in the butt. Might check out a local ISP to see if they can provide free FTP with their service. Aside from that, it's off to blogspot for a bit.

It was interesting to watch frente sonico's interview. It's always weird to see an edited version of what happened there. Funny to say the least, but effective. I'll see if I can somehow transfer it to a video stream for all of you to watch.

A friend of mine made this killer vcr loaded with several cool videos from several places I cannot mention because I don't want to get him into any trouble, but nevertheless. THANK YOU MY BROTHER!!!!!!!

Recently antartica had the chance to tear the roof off at Pier 10 @ Old San Juan along with people like DJ's Titan & Gulembo and alongside J Maajik, Adam F and MC MC. Here are some pics for you to enjoy! Wheeee! Pictures taken by noctambulo's Monica Tirado. Yer such a goddess!


Raymond Macroporno et moi.


Carlitos AYLK playing thee guitar along with us. If you watch closely, you can spot our 4th bat and all-around buddy, soundman, inspiration and fellow evil mastermind kaosindustry.

Ok kids. These are the pictures of my associates on our event called ((ocio lounge)) Thursday Nights @ Enlaces Cafe Old San Juan. These two images courtesy of Canyabon. Thank you much kind sir.


Aracelis aka Puntito Siniestro IDM, Glitch, Electronica and all-around Goddess


Herman aka The Man Searching For Fun. Downtempo, Trip Hop, Slow Beats. Yeah baby!

WHAT THE HELL??? Nothing new here. The more things change.......

Time to crank up The Dead Kennedy's "Bedtime For Democracy".

Hope Is My Heroin.
I'm in need for another fix.

Why some women feel that they need to be treated like shit by their spouses/boyfriends/lovers/girlfriends in order to feel validated or 'loved'? I mean, fuck! some women I've met they've got people who treated them like dirt, but oh no, they love him/her like he/she was the only person in the planet. Meanwhile the people who actually take their time and actually listen to them and try to help them are sent by the wayside. Not me. Never again. So enjoy all the mistreatment and see you on the news as the latest statistic, you stupid fuck!

Someone said: "teach us to care and not to care." I've stopped caring about the losers on the paragraph above. Again, fuck you. If you're stupid enough to stay in that cycle, maybe you deserve all the shit that comes to you.

Pre show jitters and tomorrow I will be very busy. Tonight the Grammy happens. Alicia Keys and Nelly Furtado. Those are my gals. Aside from that, I'm recovering. Got some labwork to do and finally I'm starting to treat my diabetes. Yeah I know.

Walkin' sick sick they walk in the town
Walkin' sick sick they walk in the town
Walkin' sick sick they walk in the town
Walkin' sick sick they walk in the town.....

- Danielle Dax "Pariah"

Sweating bullets due to a cold. I hate them. Got lots to do and this shit is pinning me down. No way. Bought some meds to take care of it. Fuck it.

I need some sleep badly. Diabetes is such a bitch. I feel better now but man! Relationships are work too. It's not like we're steady or anything but still. Sometimes I think it's better that way. It allows me to meet other people, and that's good.

Please don't complain about nobody loving you when:
a) you don't love yourself.
b) you don't let love in.