Amour Fou Crazy Love

by Hakim Bey

AMOUR FOU IS NOT a Social Democracy, it is not a Parliament of Two. The minutes of its secret meetings deal with meanings too enormous but too precise for prose. Not this, not that--its Book of Emblems trembles in your hand.
Naturally it shits on schoolmasters & police, but it sneers at liberationists & ideologues as well--it is not a clean well-lit room. A topological charlatan laid out its corridors & abandoned parks, its ambush-decor of luminous black & membranous maniacal red.

Each of us owns half the map--like two renaissance potentates we define a new culture with our anathematized mingling of bodies, merging of liquids--the Imaginal seams of our City-state blur in our sweat.

Ontological anarchism never came back from its last fishing trip. So long as no one squeals to the FBI, CHAOS cares nothing for the future of civilization. Amour fou breeds only by accident--its primary goal is ingestion of the Galaxy. A conspiracy of transmutation.

Its only concern for the Family lies in the possibility of incest ("Grow your own!" "Every human a Pharoah!")--O most sincere of readers, my semblance, my brother/sister!--& in the masturbation of a child it finds concealed (like a japanese-paper-flower-pill) the image of the crumbling of the State.

Words belong to those who use them only till someone else steals them back. The Surrealists disgraced themselves by selling amour fou to the ghost-machine of Abstraction--they sought in their unconsciousness only power over others, & in this they followed de Sade (who wanted "freedom" only for grown-up whitemen to eviscerate women & children).

Amour fou is saturated with its own aesthetic, it fills itself to the borders of itself with the trajectories of its own gestures, it runs on angels' clocks, it is not a fit fate for commissars & shopkeepers. Its ego evaporates in the mutability of desire, its communal spirit withers in the selfishness of obsession.

Amour fou involves non-ordinary sexuality the way sorcery demands non-ordinary consciousness. The anglo-saxon post- Protestant world channels all its suppressed sensuality into advertising & splits itself into clashing mobs: hysterical prudes vs promiscuous clones & former-ex-singles. AF doesn't want to join anyone's army, it takes no part in the Gender Wars, it is bored by equal opportunity employment (in fact it refuses to work for a living), it doesn't complain, doesn't explain, never votes & never pays taxes.

AF would like to see every bastard ("lovechild") come to term & birthed--AF thrives on anti-entropic devices--AF loves to be molested by children--AF is better than prayer, better than sinsemilla--AF takes its own palmtrees & moon wherever it goes. AF admires tropicalismo, sabotage, break- dancing, Layla & Majnun, the smells of gunpowder & sperm.

AF is always illegal, whether it's disguised as a marriage or a boyscout troop--always drunk, whether on the wine of its own secretions or the smoke of its own polymorphous virtues. It is not the derangement of the senses but rather their apotheosis--not the result of freedom but rather its precondition. Lux et voluptas. Light And Pleasure

Tricky
Aftermath ( 1st Version )

'Let me tell you about my mother...'

Martina :

For one, (more poor boy), there's someone
For he for she
For one (more poor boy), there's someone
For him, for me

Tricky & Martina :

Your eyes resemble mine, you see as no others can
Here inherit my kingdom, speak of our people's plan
I'll be here for my baby, for my baby I'll be near
So many things I need to tell you, things you need to hear

Tricky :

It was a day like no other
Clocks [hanging off]
It was said they dropped the bomb
And I walked out the door
Feeling lonely, [I see rain/as a ray]
Thinking of what was once
So I go in search of people
[Song of] the inhabitants
The air is filled with chemicals
So this is the aftermath
Walking over rubble
Which was once [cause’s calf]
Down to the center
Which used to be central

Martina :

So this is the aftermath

For one, (more poor boy), there's someone
For he for she
For one (more poor boy), there's someone
For him, for me

Tricky & Martina :

Your eyes resemble mine, you see as no others can
Here inherit my kingdom, speak of our people's plan
I'll be here for my baby, for my baby I'll be near
So many things I need to tell you, things you need to hear

Martina :

For one, (more poor boy), there's someone
For he for she
For one (more poor boy), there's someone
For him, for me

'How can I
'How can I
How can I be sure
In a world that's constantly changing
How can I be sure

Just when I thought I was winning
Just when I thought I could not be stopped
Just when I thought I was winning
Just when I thought I could not be stopped
how can I be sure

Today started kind of strange, but then dealing with the aftermath or whatever that means. Gifts were bestowed. A car was driven. Conversations were struck and silent moments of reflection were done. At the end it was beautiful. I think I learn about myself and her everyday. Psychedelic Furs was the official soundtrack.

Watched Blade 2 with Angelito. Guillermo Del Toro (Cronos, The Devil's Backbone, Mimic) gives this one his own twist. I liked this one better than the first. Of course, I don't follow the comic books so any fanboys out there, feel free to vent. Wished she was there to see it, but she needs space. Space was given. Then we watched a good punk rock show (Boca, Microbios, La Experiencia, Kabezudos de Villa Abajo and High Strung). They changed the venue but the show was really cool nonetheless. I enjoyed myself with Angelito and a bunch of friends. A good time was had by all, and a good start for the weekend.

Tomorrow, Oscilador 4 and Solur at Nuyorican. Saturday, Fabulosos Cadillacs (haven't seen them in 3 years unlike the rest of the population here). Sunday, rehearsal.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Just drive
In silence
We hear the raindrops falling
The tape on the stereo
sings about a heartbreak beat
We sometimes talk
and watch each other
then your sense of humor comes up
black and macabre
I can't help but laugh
We talk and listen
and drive
Someplace out of here
Where it's just us and the road
I watch you drive and you smile
Your beauty
Your sense of humor
Your wit
We switch gears and languages
as far away from the cityscape
Slowly we thaw ourselves
out of the silence
and talk about things we like
things we hate
and everything in between
We stop for gas
and only then we're back to reality
Once we got it, we ride again
and drive
I worry but I'm at ease
when you're around
This heaviness and numbness
fades away
My heart soars
Life acquires meaning
When we get in the car
and just drive

Ok time to hit the sack. Lou Reed's "New York" on the stereo. Classic. Let's face tomorrow with hope, faith and a smile.

All right well and good I'll admit
it's all my fault I'm sorry ok

'Cos there's reason behind my reptile smile
yeah there's reason behind my reptile smile

I love you I love you I love you I love you
I love you

Th' Faith Healers - Reptile Smile

Walk with me
Open your sensitive mouth
And talk to me
Hold out your delicate hands
And feel me
Couldn't make any plans
To conceal me

Open your sensitive mouth
Hold out your delicate hands
With such a sensitive mouth
I'm easy to see through
When I come up
When I rush
I rush for you

Cry for you
Seen the tears
Roll down from my eyes for you
Heard my truth
Distorting to lies for you
Watched my love
Becoming a prize for you

Seen the tears in my eyes
Heard my truth turn to lies
Seen the tears in my eyes
I'm not proud of what I do
When I come up
When I rush
I rush for you

I come up to meet you
Up there somewhere
When I rush to greet you
My soul is bared

Gave more for you
Dropped my crutches
And crawled on the floor for you
Went looking behind every door for you
And because of the things
That I saw for you
I spiritually grew
When I come up
When I rush
I rush for you

- Depeche Mode "Rush"

People fade and I Forget You
I Hear Footsteps
Icy Faces
And It All Means
Nothing To Me Now
All That Money Wants

- The Psychedelic Furs "All That Money Wants"

The Drugs Dont Work by The Verve

All this talk of getting old
It's getting me down my love
Like a cat in a bag, waiting to drown
This time I'm comin' down

And I hope you're thinking of me
As you lay down on your side
Now the drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again


Now the drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again


But I know I'm on a losing streak
'Cause I passed down my old street
And if you wanna show, then just let me know
And I'll sing in your ear again


Now the drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again


'Cause baby, ooh, if heaven calls, I'm coming, too
Just like you said, you leave my life, I'm better off dead


All this talk of getting old
It's getting me down my love
Like a cat in a bag, waiting to drown
This time I'm comin' down


Now the drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again


'Cause baby, ooh, if heaven calls, I'm coming, too
Just like you said, you leave my life, I'm better off dead


But if you wanna show, just let me know
And I'll sing in your ear again


Now the drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again


Yeah, I know I'll see your face again
Yeah, I know I'll see your face again
Yeah, I know I'll see your face again
Yeah, I know I'll see your face again


I'm never going down, I'm never coming down
No more, no more, no more, no more, no more
I'm never coming down, I'm never going down
No more, no more, no more, no more, no more
(Repeat and Fade Out)

Passover Survival Checklist:

London Fields by Martin Amis
Noir by K.W. Jeter
Thursday > La Experiencia and a host of other cool bands @ El Teatro
Friday >>> Oscilador 4 and Solur @ Nuyorican Cafe
Saturday > Los Fabulosos Cadillacs & Circo
Maybe rent some cool DVD's. Sunday is always good for rehersal. Time to vent some pent-up shit.

It all started innocently enough. Started reading K.W. Jeter's "Noir" while waiting to get some info on some I.T. courses. Thinking about it, it might help me get through this weekend.

Anyway after taking a test and an interview, I just have to do some more bureaucratic bullshit dancing in order to see *if* I can get that course. *If* I take it and once I pass it, my job prospects should improve. I went to the radio station and started to work on uploading last week's show. Eze's computer was not converting the mp3's so I use the laptop. Uploading one file but three to go. I finish the second hour and it all hits the fan.

Bedlam. Chaos. All hell breaks loose, and that's an understatement.

She needs her space and I respect her wishes. Even though I see what she's going through. You deserve that and more. Yes, it hurts but instead of relying on emotional blackmail, or pushing it, I'd rather follow your wishes, and hope for the best. That's the least thing I can do. Still, I worry and I'm concerned. I sit and wait. There's something between us, and I think whatever you decide, you're great, you're beautiful and there's nothing in this life that would please me more than to make you happy. I think it's only fair to say that we deserve a shot at it. Your selflessness amazes me, but look at the whole picture.

Just when I get out of the station, I get a call from him. Anger, outrage, way out of control. Hurt like hell. You've put me on a pedestal against my wishes. I'm not above anyone. I'm just human. I told you again and again and again, yet you put me there. Like I warned you: I'm just human. I'm bound to make mistakes. Just like everybody else.

You don't want to be my friend? Fine. You're leaving? It's your call. I wish I could stop you from doing all this damage to yourself, but it's your choice, and you won't listen. All I have to say is:

I'm sorry

Think carefully what you say and what to do. You're acting out of rage and frustration, not the best way to reach a decision. Not the way to deal with the cards given to you. If you still think that's the way to handle it, fine. Go your own way. You decide to walk away, and no one can stop you.

I hope you sort out your problems. You're a great person, but troubled. So are the rest of us, but even you realize you need help to sort it out. I hope you do. I know right now you hate my guts and I'm sorry. My door remains open.

Now, I sit and wait.

I woke up unusually happy this morning. A day full of possiblities. I laid in bed for a bit and this was the first thing running through my mind.

It's been ages since I slept like a baby
It's been ages since I smiled
It's been ages since my heart was restless
It's been ages since I felt like this
Happiness tastes like this

It's been ages since a good conversation
It's been ages since I held a hand
It's been ages since I had a laugh
It's been ages since I felt this way
Happiness feels like this

And now you'll excuse me, I'm taking on the world right now.

ART PROJECT DO IT FAST DO IT NOW DEPT.

There's a cruxifiction depicted right outside Plaza Las Americas mall. If we could take a picture of it with a bunch of us looking at it with shopping bags and placing "MACY'S" instead of "INRI" that would be cool. Any takers? It'd make a lovely cover for an Hijos de Cain record. We could title it. "Shopping For A Religious Experience".

Life is lived through a series of moments. You learn to enjoy them the best you can. You don't know when it will all be over, so might as well....

Sometimes you get lost looking at the big picture when you miss what's happening in front of you. Sometimes you are looking down all gloom and doom and you forget to raise your head and see a beautiful blue sky. Not this time my friends. Not this time. Just take your time, let the pieces fall where they may. Be truthful. Be tactful. Be honest. Be true to yourself. Be very very very careful. It will all be sorted out.

God mocks me again. There are no coincidences. I should've stayed in my shell. At least I know what to expect. It happens everytime I am actually interested in someone. No matter. Life goes on. The ball is on the court and I don't expect a return volley anytime soon. Figures.

I'd like to thank the Academy for today for it is full of interviews, filling out forms and meeting someone. The third one is the one I actually look for. Ok kids. And the nomineees are....

I hate reality shows. I fucking hate them. They can fucking go to hell but Series 7 is my favorite. It's a spoof about so-called reality shows with a twist. Phil Donahue was right.

Whatta show! Got a new place for the blog FTP style! Whew! The show was beautiful and we went for late nite dinner (again) but it was funny. Ezequiel, Angelito, Pepe and me laughing our asses off. I'm glad to be able to share this with you guys.

Monday my son. The operative word. Monday.

Introduced Pepe to Beau Sia and 12 Rounds while shopping for a PA for my bands. He likes! Wax Trax show tonight. Wheeee!

This ain't rock n'roll no...... this is genocide!!!!! - Bowie

Ok so......

Wrote the interviews until 6 am only to wake up in a daze at 11 am to get some stuff going. I find a suitable replacement to host http://www.rojoynegro.org and possibly a new home for the blog. So I start to update/download/transfer the pages. I call my friend Pepe a bit after 1 pm. He's set. I have to wait to sort out my paycheck. by almost 5 o clock we hit the workplace for my check. I'm happy. Better than expected. Will help me sort out some financial shit. It hits me on the way to get the check and after one of our deep conversations.

Bank's closed. Wait til tomorrow at the earliest. I have some cash on but with both of us meeting friends at 7, I think the funds will not be enough to get me through the weekend.

I realize there is a God and (s)he has a sick sense of humor. Sorry Kevin Smith, but God ain't Alanis Morrissette. Pepe and I figured out that God is Rick Flair, George Carlin and Lemmy. Yeah, that's the Holy Trinity. Not some Canadian hippy chick on acid. Gotta give God his/her props.

We hit the University and coordinate tomorrow's show. It'll be the shiznit. Wax Trax! Records. All the fucking three hours, for your pleasures. Get your recorders ready. I shave quickly and head for the meet. It's cool to hit the bookstore near my house. Cool selection and I check out The Dove's CD and check out the latest install of Magnet Magazine. A history of shoegazing. Mmmmm. That and an open mike poetry reading. The reading's will be a monthly affair and I'll probably muster some stuff for next month. It'll be my first.

On the way out of the University I make a mental note to speak with Mayra Santos-Febles. She's a great writer and I need to get in touch with her. I need a good mentor if I'm gonna write the novel I want to write.

Back to the bookstore and there's where God gets the punchline.

Mari shows up. Lin got sick and can't come.The moment I've been waiting for this week never happens. Mari tells me that Lin still wants to meet me for Monday. My stomach's churning for food and dissappointed is the word that comes to mind. Oh well. Not her fault, really. Be cool. Shit happens. That's a curveball, that's all. I tell Mari to let Lin know that it's cool and I hope that she gets better. The three of us go to the nearest restaurant for food.

On the drive there, Pepe tries to reassure me and attempts to get me out of the funk. I slowly let go of it. It's beyond him and I just have to slowly let it go. It's not anyone's fault here. Don't be a prick. Monday. Monday, son. Then it hits me with the subtlety of a well placed kick in the groin: "God Mocks Me." - Dante. "The best well laid plans...." and all that. Can't help but laugh.

The food takes the bad mood off me. I get to eat with friends, I'm happy. The second we get of our cars and sit in the restaurant, the conversation flows and the three of us enjoy it. Let it go, and talk about a lot of stuff. Mari and Pepe's sense of humor and wit are amazing. It was a fun evening, really. We laugh share jokes and have a blast. Meanwhile I think and ponder. Things are not so bad. You're having fun with friends. You got some money. What more do you want you ungrateful little man? I go home and finish Neverwhere. Gaiman rocks. Definetely. I have to do three reviews for Monday and I have to look for this course. I might suggest it to Pepe. This should be good.

Get paid. Pay off your stuff. Monday my son. Monday. I hope you get better son Lin. Mari, Pepe: thank you. Let's do it often.

Upsetting Things Dept.:

I used to have 2 backups of my website on two different places. One of them I can't log on for the life of me. The other just shut down. Like that. No explanation at all. Well it was nice that I kept my original site where it is. Well they were free sites but it's upsetting. Fuck!

Aside from that..... handed in my two interviews, checking for a possible paycheck from my old job *and* going out with some friends. Fingers crossed.

They say I work well under pressure. Well..... let's see. I got until 1 pm tomorrow to interview 2 bands and I am meeting some friends at 7. Let's see where that takes me. And I think I'm getting my last paycheck from my other job tomorrow. Wheeeeeeeee.....

Rented "The Heist" and "Sexy Beast". Brilliant!

Talking to you
It's something I look after
and I want you to know that
I await patiently
for our next little chat
Take care.

wowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowow

curveballs and conversations galore!!!!!!!

"i'm ready to say
i'm glad to be alive"

u2 - zoo station

.....at least for the moment.......these are the moments worth living........

thanks

too many bands sound like korn
too many bands sound like korn
too many bands sound like korn
TOO MANY BANDS SOUND LIKE KORN!!!!!!!!!! - acumen

en este valle de lagrimas no paramos de reirnos - a wise person

its 7:21 am and I only slept for about three hours. downloaded some stuff for the computer, updated the website and some new links to your left, if you care.

all day rehearsal today. wish me luck!

i love you all.

This is it. I need a job. Right fucking now. And I also need an intelligent, witty, sensitive, romantic and understanding woman to be at my side. Any takers?

"You shut your mouth
How can you say
I go about things the wrong way
I am human
and I need to be loved
Just like everybody else does"

- The Smiths "How Soon Is Now?"

This is so bloody beautiful.

Today we did a meet and greet to the University's alumni at the station. Before we did that, me and a friend cleared some potential conflict. We solved it beautifully. Then we watched Wrestlemania. For the record. It's good to be with friends again. I mean, it's actually good to do things together. It was a good day.

five in the morning. "hey" by the pixies.

nuff said.

Someone called me a Unicorn today. I might agree on the elusive part of them. They're hard to catch and I'm shy as hell sometimes, but I'm not beautiful, but thank you for the compliment. Pepe you are so goddamn lucky you son of a gun. That someone wants to introduce me to her friend. She's beautiful and seems like a person I'd love to meet. Please *do not* allow me to screw this one up. Pretty please? Did I say someone called me a Unicorn? Thank you.

And if you're reading this, nice to meet you. :D I thought of a present to give to you, cause I'm like that. V For Vendetta by Alan Moore. I'm feeling like V sometimes. I hope I can give it to you and I hope maybe you can understand why. Meanwhile I'll burn you a little something to hear whenever you feel like it.

Meanwhile I *shouldn't* watch "Chasing Amy" on my current state of mind. I shouldn't but I did cause I have to. The way the film deals with relationships it's great. It hits home on many things that I had to stop it to get some air. A tip of the hat to you Mr. Smith. I, um, need to get on with my life and whatever it brings. I need this. Cranking The Smith's "How Soon Is Now?" and These Immortal Souls "So The Story Goes". Maybe I put *way* too much faith into things, I don't know. Blame the romantic in me. I love the way things come into my life. Thanks for giving me another reason to live day by day. I live for these curveballs life throws at me.

madness sheer madness.....lol

by the way regarding Ansterdam: no I don't partake in smoking the herb. I should make a rant about drugs one of these days. Not now though. Fucking busy. And I dont hire hookers. I like my nooky for free thankyouverymuch

If there's one thing in this world that I fucking hate is when people dont get my fucking delivery order straight. Especiallly when we're all doing thirteen things at once at the station goddamnit!!!!!!!!

Things That Are The Shiznit As For Today Dept.

windows xp professional - yes i'm a johnny come lately and this os is the rightful heir to windows 2k. fuck i love it and somebody gave it to me as a present. wheeeee!!!

superaquello. think cafe tacuba meets stereolab with some added puertorican flavor.

lacteos = thee puertorican punk jazz ensemble.

kabezudos de villa abajo = melodic punk rock reccommended by my friends at alfalfa y los kretinos. christ! i wish i was fucking half my age again. such energy and melody. no wonder they opened for my friends at la experiencia and nofx!!!!!

plus I got to sing with my buddies at tropiezo. back to the good ole days of scream alongs

one of my best buddies stateside, daryl is going to ansterdam. yay! museums, hookers, art and cannabis ad nauseaum. wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

by the way a belated happy birthday to Leilani. yerba mala nunca muere. i really hope you can get a man so you can get your freak on babe.

ok it's six thirty three in the morning. i've been up for way too long.

Resident Evil last night. Kick ass! and Superaquello tonight. Wheee!

Saw Queen of the Dead. Twice. I think that's why I pine for my ex. We both loved Ann Rice and she is the loveliest goth alive. Oh well. Too bad we didn't have that happy ending. Life goes on. La di da. Friday my buddies at superaquello do an in-store at Borders. Schweeet. Just close to home. Wheeee!

Paid my taxes today and getting a refund. Nevermind that cause I still got bills to pay and there are strange things going on at the house. Missing shit and all that. In other news, I should say that Neil Gaiman's "Neverwhere" is the shit! I know I'm a bit late but a friend pointed out to the book and the mini-series of late. So much for being cool. :p

Not much to say really. except that i bought Neil Gaiman's "Neverwhere". I need to rest, yet I cannot sleep.

once upon a time
boy meets girl
halfway accross the world
and after three years
he breaks her heart
and she his in return

sorry.

(((ocio lounge))) on hold for the moment. and now a message from our sponsors. i am so fucking depressed right now (and its not because of that). fucking ghosts in my head. either my deppression or my diabetes will kill me for sure.

Telefono Celular prepagado $89
cuenta de internet gratis
entrada a iambica $2
dos 7-up $3
numero de una chica que te gusta gratis
parking en Fela $2.75
cena en denny's $10
sacar a alguien por el techo con un simple comentario dejado en un numero y respondido atraves del internet PRICELESS
para todo lo demas esta.......

teehee!!!!!!

More tech woes. Back to html and to blogspot.com I'm afraid.

I hate technolgy and human snafus. bear with me. Trying to install blogkomm on my server. My hideout is interesting and it times out. Aaaaaargh!!

Yesterday I asked myself: What is a 33 year old male with a Journalism BA and a boner for music dealing with idiots who don't know how to use what they've purchased?

I quit my job yesterday. Handed my resignation and walked out. Did the show later that night. What a fucking release! The show went without a hitch. I was at the door and running around getting change but aside from that, it was beautiful. It's good to do these things. Now I can concentrate on writing, music and getting a job that allows me to have a social life.

The struggle is hard, the struggle is beautiful.

Ok I've got to come to terms with an aspect my life right now. This job is getting on my way of doing something I like: making music. Last night I was jamming with my new band and it felt great. I missed that a lot. I was tweaking to my heart's content on my laptop and I didn't want to let go. I realize I cannot make a living doing the music I like. Music for me is a catharsis a release, sometimes it's better than sex, better than any drug, better than anything on this planet. To be able to share it and for people to like it, that's a bonus. I just want a job that I enjoy doing and that doesn't interfere with gigs or rehearsals. This one currently doesn't do that. I know I got bills to pay and all that. But I work to live not live for work. At least not this one. Sheeeeiiiiiiiiit last night and this morning was so fun. Looking forward for tonight's show.

In totally 80's mode. On the prowl and listening to "Hungry Like The Wolf" in my head.
Awooooooooooooooooooooooowooooooowoooooowooooooooo
I met this girl the other day and I want to go to the movies with her. Charmed me. Badly.
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

I'm at my friend's desk. It's good to be the king. :D

Losing My Religion Dept:

*IF* I picked my own religion, I'd be a....

1. Neo-Pagan (100%)
2. Unitarian Universalism (86%)
3. Reform Judaism (77%)
4. Hinduism (76%)
5. Sikhism (75%)
6. Liberal Quakers (72%)
7. Mahayana Buddhism (69%)
8. Jainism (64%)
9. New Age (63%)
10. Orthodox Judaism (62%)
11. Secular Humanism (62%)
12. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (60%)
13. Bahá'í Faith (57%)
14. Scientology (53%)
15. Theravada Buddhism (50%)
16. New Thought (50%)
17. Islam (47%)
18. Nontheist (41%)
19. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (38%)
20. Orthodox Quaker (37%)
21. Taoism (33%)
22. Eastern Orthodox (30%)
23. Roman Catholic (30%)
24. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (28%)
25. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (26%)
26. Seventh Day Adventist (25%)
27. Jehovah's Witness (21%)

So much for 9 years of Catholic School eh?

My current wish list:

love
hope
strength

That's all I need. Right fucking now. Pretty please with a cherry on top.

why am i so bummed out damnit?
maybe it's that pesky ghost i can't seem to let go of.
fuck off.
i met someone yesterday. nice. beautiful. smart.
let's see where it goes. i need someone like that.

so fresh and so clean clean!

Procastrination I don't want to go to work oh well

no new tale to tell - love and rockets
actually i'm getting my other band together and it's promising. we start getting our stuff together on wendesday. very interesting

If I was a Greek God/Goddess, I'd be........

# 1 Apollo - Was Artemis twin brother. He was a great musician, and the god of truth, light, and healing.
# 2 Hades - He controlled the underworld (heaven & hell). He is Zeus's brother. He is known for being merciless, but just. he is also rich for he owns all metal/gems found in the earth. He married Persephone, whom he had kidnapped. He was king of the dead, but was not death itself.
# 3 Hephaestus - Was the only crippled god. He had a deformed leg. He was the fire god. He created all the god's armor and weapons. He was known as being very kind and good natured. He was the blacksmith to the gods.
# 4 Hermes - Was the messenger of the gods. He was very mischievous. He was the god of thieves. He had a winged hat, and winged sandals.
# 5 Athena - Was the goddess of battle. She was known as being logical and wise. she was also the protector of weavers, architects, and artists. She was one of the virgin goddesses, and was vain.
# 6 Poseidon - He was the ruler of the sea, and Zeus's brother. He created the first horse, and the first earthquake. He was happily married. He is always seen carrying his trident.
# 7 Ares - Was the god of war. He was known as being a coward, and was quite disliked by most.
# 8 Artemis - Was Apollo's twin sister. She was the huntress goddess. She was also the protector of youth. She was one of the three virgin goddesses. She hated men and loved only the hunt. She was also known as the moon goddess.
# 9 Aphrodite - Was married to Hephaestus, but did not love him. She was the goddess of love. She was the most beautiful of all the goddesses. She was very vain. She could be spiteful at times but was usually just a ditz.
# 10 Hera - She is Zeus's wife and sister. She was the protector of marriage. She was also known for the cruel punishments she would inflict on the women Zeus slept with. She was also very vain.
# 11 Hestia - She is Zeus's sister, and is goddess of the hearth. She is know for being one of the three virgin goddesses.
# 12 Zeus - Ruler of all the gods. He ruled the sky, and wielded the lightning bolt. He is married to Hera, but sleeps with many a mortal women.

Shit. Apollo or Hades. Hmmmmmmmmm.

sisters of mercy's "floodland" if you care. hearing the roar of the big machine....
...and the wind blows still... and the wind blows wild again.....

pure morning pure morning pure morning pure morning

Ok so far no problems with the new address. Thank "BOB" for other providers. Free market or something. Woohoo!

Ok finally figured out how to FTP to one of my cyberspace hideouts. Let's see if this one lasts. Fingers crossed!

I am happy for the accomplishments done for the past weeks.
Still at the end of the day.
I am alone in it.
I sit down for dinner at this place near my workplace.
Table's empty and I think of you.
I curse myself for it.
My heart sneaking you at this time.
Yeah I'm the one who left.
You're the one who dissappeared.
How I miss you.
How hard is to replace you.
So much together.
Not an easy task.
I miss you yeah.
Tonight of all nights.
I hope you're doing fine, I really do.
We were meant for each other
I needed you. You wouldn't come.
I walked away.
Regrets? A few.
Take care.
I got a life to live.
Without you.

"I sold my soul and the devil wanted a refund". I know. I'm bored.

I must say I hate Geocities' policy eliminating FTP to free users. Especially those of us who've stuck with them for a while. Makes me want to migrate my site or actually getting a proper ISP account. I have free AOHell but they're a pain in the butt. Might check out a local ISP to see if they can provide free FTP with their service. Aside from that, it's off to blogspot for a bit.

It was interesting to watch frente sonico's interview. It's always weird to see an edited version of what happened there. Funny to say the least, but effective. I'll see if I can somehow transfer it to a video stream for all of you to watch.

A friend of mine made this killer vcr loaded with several cool videos from several places I cannot mention because I don't want to get him into any trouble, but nevertheless. THANK YOU MY BROTHER!!!!!!!

Recently antartica had the chance to tear the roof off at Pier 10 @ Old San Juan along with people like DJ's Titan & Gulembo and alongside J Maajik, Adam F and MC MC. Here are some pics for you to enjoy! Wheeee! Pictures taken by noctambulo's Monica Tirado. Yer such a goddess!


Raymond Macroporno et moi.


Carlitos AYLK playing thee guitar along with us. If you watch closely, you can spot our 4th bat and all-around buddy, soundman, inspiration and fellow evil mastermind kaosindustry.

Ok kids. These are the pictures of my associates on our event called ((ocio lounge)) Thursday Nights @ Enlaces Cafe Old San Juan. These two images courtesy of Canyabon. Thank you much kind sir.


Aracelis aka Puntito Siniestro IDM, Glitch, Electronica and all-around Goddess


Herman aka The Man Searching For Fun. Downtempo, Trip Hop, Slow Beats. Yeah baby!

WHAT THE HELL??? Nothing new here. The more things change.......

Time to crank up The Dead Kennedy's "Bedtime For Democracy".

Hope Is My Heroin.
I'm in need for another fix.

Why some women feel that they need to be treated like shit by their spouses/boyfriends/lovers/girlfriends in order to feel validated or 'loved'? I mean, fuck! some women I've met they've got people who treated them like dirt, but oh no, they love him/her like he/she was the only person in the planet. Meanwhile the people who actually take their time and actually listen to them and try to help them are sent by the wayside. Not me. Never again. So enjoy all the mistreatment and see you on the news as the latest statistic, you stupid fuck!

Someone said: "teach us to care and not to care." I've stopped caring about the losers on the paragraph above. Again, fuck you. If you're stupid enough to stay in that cycle, maybe you deserve all the shit that comes to you.

Pre show jitters and tomorrow I will be very busy. Tonight the Grammy happens. Alicia Keys and Nelly Furtado. Those are my gals. Aside from that, I'm recovering. Got some labwork to do and finally I'm starting to treat my diabetes. Yeah I know.

Walkin' sick sick they walk in the town
Walkin' sick sick they walk in the town
Walkin' sick sick they walk in the town
Walkin' sick sick they walk in the town.....

- Danielle Dax "Pariah"

Sweating bullets due to a cold. I hate them. Got lots to do and this shit is pinning me down. No way. Bought some meds to take care of it. Fuck it.

I need some sleep badly. Diabetes is such a bitch. I feel better now but man! Relationships are work too. It's not like we're steady or anything but still. Sometimes I think it's better that way. It allows me to meet other people, and that's good.

Please don't complain about nobody loving you when:
a) you don't love yourself.
b) you don't let love in.

JUEVES 28 @ ENLACES CAFE
255 CALLE CRUZ VIEJO SAN JUAN

((((OCIO LOUNGE))))
THE SEQUEL

PANOPTICA
JORGE CASTRO VS. mhx DJ SET
PUNTITO SINIESTRO
THE MAN SEARCHING FOR FUN
ANTARTICA (live improv)

$5 CAUSE HE'S DIRTY D DAMNIT!!!!!!!

OTRA PRODUCCION DE RITA LYNN
CAUSE SHE'S RITA LYNN DAMNIT!!!!!!

Satan's identity revealed. Seriously, this is one fucked up case.

I just want to stop the world and mourn the passing of one of my favorite animators who went into the Big Studio In The Sky: Chuck Jones I'll miss you. Now Marvin the Martian can safely destroy the Earth so he can check out Venus. Say hello to Tex Avery for me.

I'd like to say something: No more pre-show nerves. For now. Wait a few hours though. I'm so bored now with my job now, but I'm trying for an interview tomorrow with the local government. Wish me luck or something. Tonight, just me and my laptop. Enjoy the visuals.

By the way, I'm rediscovering old pleasures. As in comic books and rpg's. "Kingdom Come" still rocks after all these years and bought some rpg stuff and finally found a star frontiers netbook. I still love the web.

Ok so things have been testy in some points, and good in others. Personally I think I've been successful. This new 'thing' has dispelled the ex's ghost. Time heals all wounds. New people speeds up the healing process. She's wonderful and sweet and I don't want to fuck it up this time. We both deserve a fresh start. Might as well be with each other. :) Actually, I like the fact that someone has actually told me that she likes me, appreciates and wants me. Iam pleasantly surprised.

Show later tonight. Have to pin down the logistics. It always happens like this. :)

Watched Red Mars and now watching Shadow Of The Vampire on the DVD. Take care of your bad selves and each other.

So
I was on a local TV station being interviewed about Saturday's show. Fame fortune, platinum records, yeah right.
LOL
Show on Thursday.
Hating life now. Kinda sick.

Relationships are hard work. Even just when you're just seeing each other and there's nothing formal about them.

ir a mi hora de almuerzo para el soundcheck (gracias a cesarin)
entrar a las 1am para tocar (gracias a nuestro angelito)
tocar en un mar de ruido (lo que percibi) que "sonaba cabron" (segun la gente).
salir a las 6am
esperar hasta las 7am para desayunar en un mcdonald's
se estaban dando el puesto para abrir
desayunamos en otro mcdonald's
para acostarme a dormir a las 8am
despertar a las 1:00 pm
para volver a trabajar

por mi madre si alguien me pone drum n'bass LO MATO

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeestoy vivooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Ok so I haven't posted for 24 hours. Things have changed a bit. In a good way, for a change. Last night I cried for quite a bit. But it was good tears. A much needed release. The better part of it was, that this time there was someone at the other end of the line listening. I'm starting to go out with this woman. She's refreshing, she's funny and witty. We are starting to see each other and seeing what's gonna come out of it. No one has mentioned the 'r' or the 'l' word, but there is comfort in each other's company. That's a bloody good start.

Big gig tonight. Hope I make it out awake. :D

If you ever read this, thank you. I feel alive again.

So the date went surprisingly well despite the change of plans. Drinking wine and beer with friends on a beach at night is always fun. Happy Happy Joy Joy!

The Saturday gig was announced on the local paper. Am I nervous? You bet. Tonight, I'm going out to see Amelie with some friends. It's gonna be interesting.

I almost thought about giving it all up today. Almost. I need to get away, but if I don't have any creative outlet, what's gonna happen to me? I don't want to consider it.

Further proof of people who don't have anything better to do with their lives. They put the FAN in FANATIC. Sheesh. Get out and get laid. Or something......

T Minus Four Days for one of the cheesiest dates Humankind's been cursed with. Thought you might want to know that.

3, 2, 1 GO!!!!!!!!!

O soy yo, o es que el IQ colectivo bajó súbitamente durante el tiempo que estuve fuera de esta Isla del Espanto? Podemos estar hablando horas sobre la idiosincracia del animal homo sapiens portoricensis pero carajo cuando escuchas que toda forma de vida de carbon que camina ergido y habla por telefono te dice: "Ah pues bien" cada vez que termina una conversación, te preocupa la capacidad intelectual del susodicho.

Además de todos estos seres que se creen que entes como "El Rockero Loco" es lo más cómico, original, loco y radical que hay en la faz de la Tierra y cuando la programación local es una copia burda de la de la metrópoli, uno seriamente considera si comparte algo con estos seres además del lugar de origen.

Yo creo que la gota que colmó la copa fué cuando supe que en el nuevo espectáculo de los Gamma, van a incluir a Antonio Sánchez alias El Gángster.

Cuando vi eso mi único pensamiento fue: QUE CARAJOS LE PASO A ESTA GENTE?!?!?!?!?!

Bueno, los signos estaban ahi. Silverio con su humortificación, Jacobo con las películas románticas. Ok, "Lo Que Le Paso A Santiago" y "Dios Los Cría" me gustaron, pero si creen que iba a soportar ver a Chayanne y a Dayanara en "Linda Sara", creo que se equivocaron de persona. Sunshine, Sunshine, Sunshine. El mejor comediante de Puerto Rico (con todo respeto a Agrelot y a ese corillo. FUCK YOU! Sunshine's the man) cuyos conceptos y stand-up revolucionaron los medios, ahora tira comedia media blanda y su guiso de locutor. Entiendo que hay que pagar las cuentas y alimentarse, pero carajo!!!!!!! De Horacio Olivo no se ademas de tirarse las loqueras de el y sus pasitos de comedia. El parece ser el único inocente. Parece.

Coño!!!!!!!!! Tan desesperados estan por capturar la demográfica que reclutan al Gángster????? La persona que mas representa el humor mas infantil, pueril, sexista e idiota??????? Coño para eso porque no ponen a la Comay también ya que están tan desesperados???? Que que no quieren que su audiencia sea de gente inteligente y pensante que pueda apreciar su humor y sus críticas de la situación del Macondo Nuestro De Cada Día????

Si este no es uno de los signos del Apocalipsis, no sé que carajos es.

sunday morning........

I need you
like I need a habit
like I need a hit
I need you
like I need someone on my back
raising the hairs of my neck
freezing my spine
I need you
like I need more aggro
stress, toil and trouble
I need you
like I need my appendix
see my need for you
dissappear
fade away
exorcise you
I'm not yours to haunt
I'm not yours to remind me
of things past
I'm not yours to reminisce
you lost that right
just remember the good times
and cherish them
I left
I won't come back
I flush you
and spit you out
purge myself from you
cleanse
and once again
reborn

*sighs*
I need breathing room
*sighs*
I almost quit my job today. Migraine city and their payroll is screwed up. I want to get out, but I'll hold on for a little bit more.

AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!

need we say more?

Sure. Now we've got reports of a Puerto Rican Taliban. Sheesh!!!!!! We're bloody everywhere, are we?

On the CD:
Godflesh - Hymns
Techno Animal - Brotherhood Of The Bomb
Sigur Ros - Aegetis Byrjun (or something)
Curve - Gift

Over And Out

Sweet as sin
Bitter the taste
In my mouth
I see seven towers
and I only see
One way out
You gotta cry without weeping
Talk without speaking
Scream without raising your voice
You know I took the poison
From the poison stream
Then I floated out of here

- U2 "Running To A Standstill"

"If I
could throw this lifeless life
to the wind
Leave this heart of clay
See you walk
walk away"

U2 - "Bad"

Meanwhile on the silly wacky test front, I've found I'm......







What FIGHT CLUB character are you?

Well....actually.....my face IS a pulp :p

Never mind that last entry. I guess she's happy to hear from me, but not as eager for me to come visit. What is she afraid of? I don't know.... I guess I was right not to feel that psyched up about her. However there's always Plan B. Heheheeheh.

Interesting evening. Called someone. Someone who actually is happy to see me. Someone who actually I'm looking forward to see. Part of me doesn't want to be that psyched up. I guess I can say it's a little psychological armor to prevent any disappointments. Maybe we both expect a lot. I don't know. I'm just happy somebody does.

For those who actually bother to read this. Thanks. I appreciate it. Ok kids, Hannibal's on.

It's just another
It's just another dayyyyyyyy
It's just another day
It's just another dayyyyyyyyy
- Oingo Boingo

Super Bowl Sunday

Time to play Velvet Underground's "Sunday Morning" and play loud.

Last night was interesting. I am so getting over this. Until the next spell........

I bought the phonecard. I can connect to her number. She's gone. I feel a bit sad, but relieved. I think I'll send her a postcard. No hopes there, but I think I can safely close this door. I'm sorry I didn't get the closure I wanted.

Get on with life, you git. You walked away, pay the price.

The show went very well. Better than expected. I am so happy right now. I needed to feel that. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. You know who you are. Details later.

Pre-show jitters. Big time. Been up since the morning. FUCK. Maybe it's the caffeine. Maybe it's just because it's probably all new material. I need to listen to the Descendents. They understand me. They sure do! COFFEE MUG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAH