T Minus Four Days for one of the cheesiest dates Humankind's been cursed with. Thought you might want to know that.

3, 2, 1 GO!!!!!!!!!

O soy yo, o es que el IQ colectivo bajó súbitamente durante el tiempo que estuve fuera de esta Isla del Espanto? Podemos estar hablando horas sobre la idiosincracia del animal homo sapiens portoricensis pero carajo cuando escuchas que toda forma de vida de carbon que camina ergido y habla por telefono te dice: "Ah pues bien" cada vez que termina una conversación, te preocupa la capacidad intelectual del susodicho.

Además de todos estos seres que se creen que entes como "El Rockero Loco" es lo más cómico, original, loco y radical que hay en la faz de la Tierra y cuando la programación local es una copia burda de la de la metrópoli, uno seriamente considera si comparte algo con estos seres además del lugar de origen.

Yo creo que la gota que colmó la copa fué cuando supe que en el nuevo espectáculo de los Gamma, van a incluir a Antonio Sánchez alias El Gángster.

Cuando vi eso mi único pensamiento fue: QUE CARAJOS LE PASO A ESTA GENTE?!?!?!?!?!

Bueno, los signos estaban ahi. Silverio con su humortificación, Jacobo con las películas románticas. Ok, "Lo Que Le Paso A Santiago" y "Dios Los Cría" me gustaron, pero si creen que iba a soportar ver a Chayanne y a Dayanara en "Linda Sara", creo que se equivocaron de persona. Sunshine, Sunshine, Sunshine. El mejor comediante de Puerto Rico (con todo respeto a Agrelot y a ese corillo. FUCK YOU! Sunshine's the man) cuyos conceptos y stand-up revolucionaron los medios, ahora tira comedia media blanda y su guiso de locutor. Entiendo que hay que pagar las cuentas y alimentarse, pero carajo!!!!!!! De Horacio Olivo no se ademas de tirarse las loqueras de el y sus pasitos de comedia. El parece ser el único inocente. Parece.

Coño!!!!!!!!! Tan desesperados estan por capturar la demográfica que reclutan al Gángster????? La persona que mas representa el humor mas infantil, pueril, sexista e idiota??????? Coño para eso porque no ponen a la Comay también ya que están tan desesperados???? Que que no quieren que su audiencia sea de gente inteligente y pensante que pueda apreciar su humor y sus críticas de la situación del Macondo Nuestro De Cada Día????

Si este no es uno de los signos del Apocalipsis, no sé que carajos es.

sunday morning........

I need you
like I need a habit
like I need a hit
I need you
like I need someone on my back
raising the hairs of my neck
freezing my spine
I need you
like I need more aggro
stress, toil and trouble
I need you
like I need my appendix
see my need for you
dissappear
fade away
exorcise you
I'm not yours to haunt
I'm not yours to remind me
of things past
I'm not yours to reminisce
you lost that right
just remember the good times
and cherish them
I left
I won't come back
I flush you
and spit you out
purge myself from you
cleanse
and once again
reborn

*sighs*
I need breathing room
*sighs*
I almost quit my job today. Migraine city and their payroll is screwed up. I want to get out, but I'll hold on for a little bit more.

AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!

need we say more?

Sure. Now we've got reports of a Puerto Rican Taliban. Sheesh!!!!!! We're bloody everywhere, are we?

On the CD:
Godflesh - Hymns
Techno Animal - Brotherhood Of The Bomb
Sigur Ros - Aegetis Byrjun (or something)
Curve - Gift

Over And Out

Sweet as sin
Bitter the taste
In my mouth
I see seven towers
and I only see
One way out
You gotta cry without weeping
Talk without speaking
Scream without raising your voice
You know I took the poison
From the poison stream
Then I floated out of here

- U2 "Running To A Standstill"

"If I
could throw this lifeless life
to the wind
Leave this heart of clay
See you walk
walk away"

U2 - "Bad"

Meanwhile on the silly wacky test front, I've found I'm......







What FIGHT CLUB character are you?

Well....actually.....my face IS a pulp :p

Never mind that last entry. I guess she's happy to hear from me, but not as eager for me to come visit. What is she afraid of? I don't know.... I guess I was right not to feel that psyched up about her. However there's always Plan B. Heheheeheh.

Interesting evening. Called someone. Someone who actually is happy to see me. Someone who actually I'm looking forward to see. Part of me doesn't want to be that psyched up. I guess I can say it's a little psychological armor to prevent any disappointments. Maybe we both expect a lot. I don't know. I'm just happy somebody does.

For those who actually bother to read this. Thanks. I appreciate it. Ok kids, Hannibal's on.

It's just another
It's just another dayyyyyyyy
It's just another day
It's just another dayyyyyyyyy
- Oingo Boingo

Super Bowl Sunday

Time to play Velvet Underground's "Sunday Morning" and play loud.

Last night was interesting. I am so getting over this. Until the next spell........

I bought the phonecard. I can connect to her number. She's gone. I feel a bit sad, but relieved. I think I'll send her a postcard. No hopes there, but I think I can safely close this door. I'm sorry I didn't get the closure I wanted.

Get on with life, you git. You walked away, pay the price.

The show went very well. Better than expected. I am so happy right now. I needed to feel that. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. You know who you are. Details later.

Pre-show jitters. Big time. Been up since the morning. FUCK. Maybe it's the caffeine. Maybe it's just because it's probably all new material. I need to listen to the Descendents. They understand me. They sure do! COFFEE MUG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAH

Ironically just when I give in and look for a phonecard to call my ex, the drugstore doesn't carry any. God has a sick sense of humour.

I'm hungry. I got an offer to fly to Orlando or Nashville. Fighting the urges to call the ex again. Jesus I'm more desperate than WIlliam H. Macy's character in Magnolia. Great film though.

I need a Beautiful Day. It's so uneventful and I'm slacking so much it's not even funny. Get out of that circle.

Procastrination. In every aspect of my life. I know I know. Get your shit together son. I have to. I need to.

I dreamt last night
I stood outside Beaver Hall, Penn State, University Park, PA with my old roommate Tom Joyce and an older woman
He said she was her girlfriend. We spoke for a while then I left.....
....to a room somewhere in Puerto Rico. There was a bunch of us taking instructions from her.
She was giving us some mangoes when I saw her. My ex. She waved me hi. The kids were there too. She smiled.
The lady finished her speech and I went straight to her.
"Hi. What are you doing here?"- I was amazed.
"Come with us."-she replied. I was full of questions.
She led me to an apartment. There was some furniture set up but lots of boxes, like she was moving in.
"I'm at a loss here" - I said to her. I was speechless. I gaver her some mangoes and to the kids.
She led me to a bedroom. There was a futon there. THe kids were watching TV and eating mangoes in the living room.
She led me to the bedroom and was lying on top of me.
We started kissing. "Come home to your wife." -she said.
I was speechless, not believing it.
I woke up.
Damn! Just when I have all this conflicts whether or not to call, my subconscious sneaks up on me.
I hate this......

"Sitting at our home
Stare at the wall
Look at each other
and wait 'til we die."

- Big Black "Kerosene"

"Sleep comes
like a drug
In God's Country
Red eyes
Crooked crosses
In God's Country"

- U2 "God's Country"

Four words are hitting my head at the speed of thought. Even though I have some stuff I'm looking forward to do, it's not enough motivation. Now that really scares me. I should be looking forward for these things, but I cannot even relax at my parent's house. I'm getting the itch again. That travelling itch. Four words echo in my head: I DON'T BELONG HERE. I'm a stranger in my own land.

I had to restrain myself from buying a phonecard and calling you. I just wanted to know how you were doing. Yeah, I was the one who left, but I know you're the one laughing now. I just want to know how you're doing. I miss you lots. If you're reading this, I bet you are smiling.

Need to sleep. Bored to bits. Later.

I feel like I want to scream. A really loud and long one. Until my throat is raw. One born out of frustration, boredom. How come the place I was born is hot, humid, expensive? Maybe it's not because I don't like the place I'm in. I'm mostly angry at myself. I think I've failed in some aspects. At least the decisions were mine. No one pointed a gun at my head. Grin. Bear it. Take it like a man.

After some well deserved rest, relaxation, sleep, some programming and after watching "Impostor" and "Ocean's Eleven", I'm bored to bits today. Got some upcoming gigs on February the 1st and the 16th. I don't know what else to say except that I need to alleviate this boredom. Got my medical insurance card so I gotta find the directory now. Time to start taking care of myself. Watching Traffic now on DVD. Geez Catherine Zeta-Jones is so fucking hot.

hell is other people
hell is around the corner
lurking for passersby
hell awaits
hell is isolation
hell is an uncomfortable silence
hell is rejection
and living through it
hell is living through
a bad call
hell reminds you
of every mistake you made
hell laughs at you
chews you up
spits you out
and starts all over
help me
i'm in hell

.....lovely monday morning, innit?

mi ramera
mi angel
regresa
y hazme tuyo

I feel
cold as a razorblade
tight as a tourniquet
dry as a funeral drum

- pink floyd

I've been trying to make sense of everything around me. I've been trying to hold the urges to get a phonecard and call my ex, just to see how she's doing. I still care about her in the most basic level even though I know it's over. Watched 'Ghost Dog' last night for the nth time. Love that film.

I didn't get to meet my classmate. He had some family chores to take care off. Oh well, I haven't seen him in the last 16 years, so it's no big deal. Daniel Ash has a new album out. Wheee!!!!

On the suicide tip, Suicide as in the band (Alan Vega and Martin Rev) are making a new record. Their first in 8 years. It should be out soon. I was watching "Made" on DVD last night while fighting a bout of food poisoning. Sean Comb's acting chops surprised me. He should be an actor instead of making really bad rap jams.

I want to do a post on suicide and other rants I have on my mind, but I haven't got the time to put it down. Also rented The Soprano's 2nd Season on DVD to keep me busy. I filled out one of those silly questionnaires. You can find it here.

A classmate of mine is coming over. I haven't seen him for over 16 years. Things are so different and fucked up now. It's going to be interesting.

Shit. I need to get laid ASAP. Sorry if it ain't politically correct, fuck it, but my libido's in overdrive these days. Harder for me, being selective and all.

I need strength
Strength to hold on to whatever can give me some meaning
cause I need it now.

Show me how to smile again
How to live again
How to appreciate what I got
Hold my hand
Kiss me
How to breath again
Inhale
Exhale
Love exists
Just let me show you

"The Struggle Is Hard, The Struggle Is Beautiful" - Killing Joke

Let me show you what love is
Love makes you feel complete
Love makes you smile
Love makes you whole
Love gives you strength
Love makes you do things
You've never done before
Love makes you feel alive
That's what love's about

"The difference between an optimist, a pessimist and a cynic is that an optimist will say: 'pass the cream please', a pessimist will ask: 'is there any milk left?' and a cynic will remark: 'yeah, there's plenty pal, and it’s all gone sour'." - Gerald Suster

SHUT UP EVERYBODY AND LEAVE ME ALONE!!!


now I guess I should be better now.

Four years ago...

We would go together since Thursday night until Sunday evening. Partying, dancing, enjoying life. We would go to a bar have a few drinks, dance our pants off or catch a movie. Go home, sleep. We were high on energy, endorphins and whatever else the night brought us. I remember going to the club dancing and coming back to one of our houses just to chat. Then crashing in someone's living room or porch. Sleeping my worries away so I could take the bus home next morning and off to work. At night repeat the same cycle. We were happy, younger and free.

I left after a dream that needed to be followed. I left the rest of you behind. We all dealt with life. My dream went crashing down but the rest of you found your mates and married. It was ironic that I was the one wanting to get married and you got married instead. Four years later I come back, broken. I'm happy some of us got the girl/guy and got married. I'm happy that at least I was the best man in your wedding. I just wished I had the girl and the kids. Loneliness can be so fucking miserable sometimes.

And it was my fault. And it's all gone.

Love,

Jose

"loneliness is making my love poetry better. my love life worse." - Beau Sia
True that. Click his link or else.

Too many ideas and still I need the will to focus and concentrate. Getting the band together, Starting to write the book sitting on my head. Getting my stuff together. I must do it.

I'm so bored now it's not even funny. :(

I need you so much. Where are you? Maybe it's because I'm looking for you. Better stop looking and let you come. Still...

It seems I might have a band after all. Let's see what happens.

My friend Rafael from the Musique Concrete Ensemble is back home for a visit. It was good to see him and Jorge from Cornucopia. Good tidings for this year and the ones to come. Wheee!!!!!!!!!

Fuck the comment box. Too much hassle. Use the guestbook links above. Have a nice day.

Ok so I finally got Linux running on my laptop. Hurray! After quite a struggle, I'm finally online and with Linux. If I feel like it, I might document this struggle.

Ok now I'm tired.

Ok.......
First off...... Happy F*ck*n New Year.......yadda yadda yadda
I've decided this year to beef up my computer skills. Bought some Linux apps for my box so I can finally look at life outside Microsoft. It's definetely a process, but true learning is somewhat challenging.

Aside from that I went to my friend's wedding reception. Her sister and I used to be clubbing partners and we're going out tonight. Should be fun. It's her last night here so I *want* it to be a blast. Hopefully.

Back to lalaland.

Hey hey hey

Have you noticed that We're NOT hunting Osama anymore? We're looking for Omar now......
Quaint, isn't it?

A Kiss
I Am Cold
Close Your Eyes
Give Me Your Soul

The only resolutions I have for this year are:

Be Happy
Find Someone Who Understands and Loves Me
Be Stable

That's all I ask

1 day until this year is over. Can't hardly wait.

So I got a printer and a desk for my computer. From me. That was Xmas for me. My friend is moving to Florida and I wish her godspeed. Wish I was up there to help her move. This is a sad Xmas and a pathetic excuse for year. Can't hardly wait for this shitty year to be done with.

Yeah you read right. Merry Fucking Christmas. Now go away. :D

Merry Fucking Christmas.

Ok this is it. Kill me. Just take me out of my fucking misery. I can't stand living like this anymore. I'm counting down the days when I finally get my health benefits so I can see a doctor and get some medication. I mean St. John's Wort helps but it's not enough. I know I'm the one who got into this situation and I need to extricate myself from it. Progress is too freaking slow for my standards. I can't deal with all this bull that's happening around me. I actually look forward to work so I can take my worries away. I dread those days I'm off 'cause there's nothing going on. Just kill me. Please. Take me out. Leave enough evidence to verify that I'm dead. Lol. I seriously can't take anymore of the loneliness and the frustration. I can't take it anymore. I've been dreaming of suicides for the last few months and I know that is not the answer. I'm not that crazy but all this crap is slowly getting me there.

I'm supposed to record some stuff this Christmas with an old buddy of mine. Let's see what happens. I hope things change. Soon.

So someone tried to lit some c-4 on their shoes. That's insane. I'm glad that this nut was taken down and out. This world keeps dragging me down. I bought myself a printer and a stand for my computer and all the little gadgets. I'm so sad and bored right now. It's incredible.

Anyone seen what's up in Argentina lately? So much for the blessed neoliberal economy eh?

Lord Of The Rings.......fucking hell....great movie......go watch it. Get your food and supplies aplenty. It's kinda long...

If I didn't walk away, tomorrow i would be on my way to you. Kind of funny that the best laid plans and all that......... Kind of funny the way things turned out to be. Live and learn.

Forgot to mention that yesterday I saw "Not Another Teen Movie." A good laugh had by Alberto, my sister and your truly. I also bought a printer and a table for the computer. So I guess those are my Christmas presents. :P

not much except some well-deserved rest and an interview....wheeeeee...........

I never thought it possible
I'm getting over you
Slowly
I'm already there
I'm sad it ended the way it did
but I'm glad I don't have the burden
the guilt, the tears
I'm sure it's the same on your side
but you have to deal with your burden too
and the fact that I left
If you call you're welcome
I still love you no matter what
but I gotta carry on
No matter what
So do you
If fate should join us again
I'd be glad
Take care

just when i thought i was done with stupid mentalities, they raise their ugly head.

If you are bored, press the links section to your left. My links randomized and you can even add your own, you lucky sods.

trimming down the links on my site. it's not going to be pretty.. :P

not much on my mind now except for having a really bad day. no comments for you... but i got a phone home now...

For the record: I think the Taliban are scum and should be wiped off the face of the Earth for what they've done to their own country for starters, but the video's kinda dubious, in my opinion.

So there's this new video around. Grainy quality that Osama appears to be taking the blame for it. Maybe it's just my paranoid self but video that grainy??? On this day an age. These are shieks we're talking mateys!!! They can well afford a good quality camera. Even if it's for surveillance and espionage. It's not that I don't buy it, but lots of things are very shady and dubious about this war. Someone wisely said: "The First Casualty Of War Is Truth".

Lack of sleep does wonderful things....
.....like giving me a 100% score on today's evaluation.
and some needed chocolates to sustain me through the day
tomorrow's word will be: payday.

By the way, the new Godflesh and Techno Animal records are the shiznit!!!!!!!
"Last Night" by The Strokes and the Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back soundtrack are keeping me happy.

To sleep, perchance to dream
I've been up all night for no reason.
It's better than laying about doing nothing.
At least I can still type.... :D :P
and more flyers to feast your eyes upon

Maybe its the bloody pills, maybe its because I realized that it was *me* who walked out on you because you didnt get your shit together after all this time, but i am starting to feel better and actually looking forward to a better tomorrow with myself or with someone else. you had your chance and you blew it. i love you with all my heart but you had your chance. if you want to keep your distance, do it. if you want to come back, my arms and my heart are yours, but baby we had a good thing going and you failed to do something so simple. i feel cheated because all the effort and money spent on fulfilling that dream. i will live and learn and i will always love you, but it was *you* not me. if you ever reconsider, drop me a line. like i said, ive never stopped loving you. i think i never will. that does not mean that i wont get over you and move on. i will. time heals all wounds.

hopefully in a few hours i'll be home sound asleep
:D :D :D :D :D
this weekend promises to be interesting too
beau sia has a new cd out you punk!
you better dig him because he rocks! thanks to daryl for introducing me to his talent.
you better check beau sia out and worship him fool!

and now gaze upon that lovely flyer below beatch!

Last night was fun
Danced my ass off
Met some beautiful ladies
A good time all around

just let go
suelta los amarres
y vuela
and fly
libre
free

The weekend.........
........The weekend

And our peace
is now in pieces
What else what
did you expect?
And we're nothing
and there's nothing left to do
Here it comes
The internal winter
Where innocence forgets
'cause we're nothing
and there's nothing left to do

- Godflesh "The Internal"

I just want to call you
and see how you're doing
I just want to know
how the kids are doing
I know money's tight on your end
so I wonder if you want me to send
the kids some presents
I know you don't me around
but the money doesn't know
where it came from
and I don't want them to spend
a sad Christmas.
I know we're over
but don't let them suffer

Tell me how does it feel?
When your heart grows cold?
- new order "blue monday"

I want to say I'm grateful
for what I have
What I don't have
I don't really need....
Then
why do I still need you?

I know I'm not innocent.
I never said I was
I guess it's crime and punishment
My conscience
The greatest torture of them all

I still miss you.
I still dream about you.
I still love you
I try to get you out of my mind and I can't
I wish I could bring closure, I really do.
I know I left and I have my reasons.
You couldn't commit.
You couldn't get here.
I can't stay there.
What do you want?
Stay there forever?
Going out of my mind because I can't see you?
because I cannot be with you?
because I can only be with you for weeks at a time
Instead of the rest of our lives?
Yeah, I walked away.
But what choice did I have?
What choice did you give me?
I just want to hear your voice
I just want to know you're ok
I just want to stay friends
As we promised....

Whether you consider him another dead hippie or a musical genius, you better recognize George Harrison, beatch. Rest In Peace.

"Good times for a change
see the life I had
to turn a good man, bad
So once in my life
let me let me
get what I want this time"

- The Smiths circa 1985

Antartica will show Bedroom Techno a 2-hour audiovisual thingie on Iambica, a multimedia exhibition on December the 29th. I might be commissioned to do a soundtrack for a film. No word as of yet. My best friend (the one whom I introduced to a local goth chick) wants to marry her and asked me if I want to be the best man at their wedding. I said yes. Third time being the best man. This is starting to look like "Four Weddings And A Funeral". My friend Kitipri will be here soon. Yay!

And you thought the repression was only in the U.S. Now the local chief of police is ousted and now is replaced with the husband of the local FBI director. Reppression is back on PR full-time. Wheeee!!!!!!!!

Ten years and two days ago we lost Freddie Mercury. Personally I rate Queen among the best top ten British rock bands ever. I'm so fucking deppressed on my day off. Friday's payday (hopefully) and I'm actually grateful for going back to work. It keeps me busy. Killer shows this Wendesday though. Two things to look forward to.

Label news: the AYLK cd should be out soon. Gotta get them kids to do the artwork. I might do an Antartica installation soon too. Some audio fun and the trippy visuals will be provided by GEISS provisionally titled Bedroom Techno. Keep posted.

This one hits me with the subtlety of a kick in my nuts. I spent almost four years of my life with a goth girl with 2 kids that live halfway accross the world and it went down a few days ago. Now a few months later my fellow pal Jose, ends up with a goth chick with 2 kids. Thing is, said goth chick lives right there in Puerto Rico. Oh the humanity!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Harry Potter. I know. Shut up already! ;)

I am so tired today but today's my last day this week. I need rest. Badly. I yesterday went to the Book Fair. Met some really cool people, had some wine and some hours d'ouvres. Free of charge. I'm gonna be housesitting my friend's apartment. Closer to work too. Wheee!!!

working at a telecommunications provider. it's quite fine and i can handle the usual idiocy that happens here. i'm psyched at being here, but need some companionship. now where art thou damnit?

I nearly peed my pants when I read this. Thanks to the fine, christian, righteous folks at landover baptist. Praise the Lard!!!!!!!! Of course the onion fucking rocks!!!!!!!

Ahhhh the weekend....enjoy it while it lasts. My new job will keep me working on the weekend but it's cool. I think right now it's the time to get it all together. With the benefits of this one, I think I'll take certification courses in order to get some cool shit done. Time to think and ponder and Happy Discovery of Puerto Rico and Thanksgiving Day woohoo....

This new Patriot Act scares the shit outta me btw.......

Ok this is the part of the movie when I jump up and down with joy. I'm starting a new job tomorrow. Wheeeee!!!!!!!! Thanks for all the support and encouragement. I owe you a round to the lot of ya. Happy birthday to a little one close to me. I hope she has a blast and all my love to her, her brother and her mom, whom I wish a speedy recovery.

For the record, I'd like to state that I'm going through more of the same. I put in some applications so wish me luck or keep your evil wishes going, karma will reward/punish you accordingly. Give me a job or give me death, hold the mayo.

Still without a phone. Hassling some time on the 'net to pick up some emails. Shit. Talked to my friend Mistress Avalon and saw Agnostic Front last night. Still looking for a job. Good news though. Alfalfa y Los Kretinos will release some new shit soon. I hope.

I still dream about her. It's hard. I have to live day to day, I guess. Damn. I guess I still miss you. Lots.

Well I am home so things are supposed to be alright, right? Wrong answer. It appears that the lovely local phone company is making repairs in my parent's area so I'm fucked. I have to do with a cellphone in between. No net either. I'm usually at my buddy's mercy. This sucks. Welcome home indeed.

I hope my ex recovered from her operation a couple of days ago. Even though we don't talk to each other anymore.