FUCK. New place, DSL (woot woot) and finally got the new O.P.A.L. album out. You can buy it here if you want to. Pretty please? ;)

My right toe hurts. I fell down the stairs at the old house, but I'm ok. Nothing seriously broken but hurts.Life hurts anyway.

Ok gotta get outta here. Later.

Well Thanksgiving come and gone and I'm moving to a bigger, better, friendlier place. Not much to say but I'm procastrinating so badly but hell I normally work a lot so bear with me. Also a very long weekend coming up so there you have it. Not much to say, I'm afraid. I'm just ok. I'm just waiting.......

Ok here's a little download to give your PC an OS-X kinda flavor. Best of all it's free. Works only in Windows 2k and XP though. Sorry.

I was talking to one of my roommates about drugs and their effect on people and found out that apparently crack is back. As in people are using it more. I mean, shit, crack is such a Republican drug. Fucking economy going down the toilet and people need to get high for cheap so I guess history does repeat itself.

Speaking about roommates, the other roommate came over and basically started to ask me for money. No way, I told him. Get a fucking job. Getting money from Mommy and Daddy and sleeping all the time won't work for you, buddy. Fuck you and get a job you lazy ass motherfucker.

Ok enough of rants. I better get some sleep.

o.p.a.l.'s debut album can be listened on it's entirety here. enjoy!

Ok so after all this shit going down I headed downtown for Alpha Bar's industrial/goth night called DAS MACHINE. Not much people but the music was good, I downed some cold ones along with Stormbringer8, and I met a nice lovely goth gal named Sara. All in all good fun. So there.

i love my little brother so much. he's the only one who can cheer me up from this drudgery. i'm so proud of him and he rawks. i love you man!

hi. i am so bummed out today. my mother doesn't understand the fact that i don't want anything to do with her. i know i'm terrible, but that's how badly i feel about her. i want her out of my life. i want to be actually disowned. my little brother and my foster grandma are all that matters. i can do without the rest. i was suposed to upload some stuff but i guess i'll have to wait to ask mista r or get a cable modem. heh. alright. the O.P.A.L. album is done, so I just need to upload the material. ta!

so another meetup has come to pass and it was really good. good enough to forget about momentarily the fact i want to be disowned by my family (except my little brother. can't help but love him and he's done much for me). i know what my mother said was too good to be true, but i took a chance and it blew on my face. fuck it. i ain't coming back home. at least not for a long while. every major dissappointment in my life she has had something to do with. i can't stand her anymore. i'm sorry and i know i'm terrible but i don't want to know from them. not for a long while. let them have their christmas and their own dramas. i have enough things to take care of. bought a cheap minidisc today and started recording some stuff for the rides to work and also will start to work on field recordings. keeping myself busy, as always.

guess what? tomorrow i'll hit downtown and the clubs. get drunk. act silly. i need to get over all of this crap.

And now a message from our sponsors courtesy of the usual gang of idiots at Mad Magazine:

this one's been in the backburner for ages and i think it needs to be aired out.

i'm sad to see you go
but i'm not sorry that you leave me
it's something you decided
and i ain't the one to stop you
i never wanted the pedestals
i'm never good handling praise
i'm just like you just the same
i'm not your idol i'm don't want worship
but it's your call, so goodbye it is.
don't put me in pedestals
i'm made of clay you know?
just
like
you

ok things are much calmer.
b is sorting her stuff out. good. props and lots of love.
too much work. not even time to shave.
meanwhile, announcing: o.p.a.l.. because......

people coming in and out of my life
stress induced headaches
lots of work (that's usual)
themes appearing and dissappearing out of a forum i regularly visit
trying to find out what happened to a new found acquaintance. no response.
registring to post a question in her forum and i'm not allowed to enter
i wonder what's going on and whether i'm going crazy

this is the part of the movie when i wake up, shower, get dressed, ready for work, don't even bother to look at the face in the mirror, brush teeth, get up go.

this is the part of the movie when i spend the last of my money on breakfast and a paper. read the paper, killing an hour. get up. go to the bus stop.

this is the part of the movie when i get on the bus, run the buspass and sit down, then this headache settles down on me hard. like a rhino sitting on top of my head, all heavy. all i want to do is scream. scream like a madman but i can't.

this is the part of the movie when i get off at the bus station, throw the paper in the thrash, and make a mad dash to the public library. business that are usually open at this hour are closed. I sometimes wonder if I'm in a dream and the rhino on top of my head keeps bugging me. I wish I could just get rid of it. I get in the library, get some Excedrin from the pain, my eyes still hurting. As soon as I swallow I guess my body kicks into psychosomatic mode, the pain subsides, but my eyes still hurt. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I sometimes feel like my whole world's collapsing around me. I don't know. At least the pain is away. For now.

This is the part of the movie where I still wish I could scream. A loud piercing scream that would be heard accross the world. Still, I have no mouth and I need to scream. That's how it feels like.

B. take care precious.

If you could be here
just for a moment
long enough to tell you
how much
how badly
long enough to
feel you
taste you
so you can see me
for what i really am
and what i really feel
then you would understand
what goes on
and why

*******************

dark cheerful sleepless beauty
how i wish i could make you feel better
and chase your ghosts away
so we all can see you shining through
please forgive my intrusion
but i needed to get these words out
and let you know
i'm at your service, beck and call.

So I'm starting to feel better but I'm afraid since I'm coming back tomorrow to work, I might relapse, so I guess I have to bundle up. Meanwhile I finished Bruce Sterling's "Holy Fire". Wow. Shit. This book begs to be a good movie. Maybe directed by Wim Wenders, Jeunet, I don't know. Someone who can actually put this book into a film. A really good read. Inspiring. Thanks b. for all the support. I wanted to go online last night but I was devouring this book and then I finally got some sleep. Then my roommate woke me up with something about the fridge. :P

Anyway, I might go out today to return the books to the library (I don't plan on staying there with this cold). Keep it up with the healing process, then hopefully I should be alright. Fingers crossed.

Yucky. Tired. Sweating. Labored breathing. I only went out for food and vaporub. l really hate this. I think this is the worst part of being alone in here. Not having someone who looks after you. Oh well. Shit happens, no? I think I'm gonna take some more medicine and pass out to sweet oblivion, thank you. Later.

I am sick with the bloody flu. Nose running like a broken dike on Ansterdam, medication sometimes working, had to take a shower because I was basically swimming in my own sweat (as in a fever). Couldn't be more miserable, right?
Then along comes my brother and the lovely person described below. Thanks guys. You cheered me up and lifted up my spirits. Dave's comments too. Make me feel really appreciated and all warm and gooey inside. LOL. Now if I could only get rid of this damn cold.........

Still giddy from driving that golf cart. Yeah I want one for Christmas goddamnit! So there.

Oh and I'll probably get a full-time at the museum. Not much, but hey it's a job. And I happen to like it.

Ok so early this morning I finally met a really cool and beautiful goth geek who rants in binary code. you know who you are. yes, you are quite a hottie and you make me laugh a lot and get me nervous enought to forget my french. yes, you. thanks. :)

Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh. (geekiness taking over) I love riding on golf carts. Yes, you heard me golf carts. The annoying little things. I love driving them around. We were taking care of some stuff at work and we needed to get rid of a lot of packaging, boxes, ad nauseaum. Here comes the golf cart squad. We were speeding accross the park and the parking lot in the little things and I just rediscovered the joys of driving. Wheeeeeeeeeeeee! Can I get one for X-mas? Can I?

Film at 11.

Sorry if I haven't posted in a while. Been busy at work like you wouldn't believe. Got First Thursdays done, had Friday off and went to Universal Studios Cineplex to watch "The Transporter" good mindless action flick produced by Luc Besson (La Femme Nikita, The Professional). I'm telling you the French are teaming with Oriental directors and making kick-ass action films that are better than most American productions of late.

Basically these past three days we've been helping with setting up the Festival of Trees which starts later these weeks. The museum becomes a winter wonderland of sorts. I've been doing some hard labor and discovering muscles I thought I never had (LOL). Seriously. This work is good though. Keeps me busy and tired enough. Keeps the blues at hand.

Added some more links and I'm pleasantly surprised to discover that someone out there takes time and effort to read all of this. Thanks you made my day. Hello and welcome.

So it seems we'll be given carte blanche to carpet bomb Iraq soon. So more people will die for oil the minute Iraq doesn't let the inspectors come in. Hmmm. You won't see me rooting for Saddam here but if Dubya wants to topple a government and get it's oil reserves why doesn't he try something closer at home? Like Venezuela for instance. I mean, Hugo Chavez ain't a saint, he's friendly with Cuba and he's got a nice little uprising there. Nevermind that the CIA tried to oust him bad and he got back in power. I don't make foreign policy for Dubya but hey it could be an option. Sarcasm was used in much of the last paragraph, thank you very much.

Well that's enough of me for now. I better get some more sleep. Yes, I'll be working on Veteran's Day, but I got Tuesday and Wendesday off. Wheee! or not..... ;)

PD - Dave. Thanks for showing some love. Man, you are a great friend indeed. Keep it up.

Ok so today it's First Thursdays (sort of like Noches de Galeria back home) so I'll be busy at my job. Watched Red Dragon last night. What a treat. The chill is starting to come down so it's happy time to go to the mall and look for some bargains. Bargains are good. Aside from that thinking about remastering and reissuing some stuff from the Rojo y Negro catalog. That will keep me busy. Later.

I'm stepping out of the bunker tonight. Going to the movies. Haven't done that in a while and I need my movie fix badly so there. Meanwhile it's all so quiet and no work until tomorrow.

Got my bloody library card! Hurray! Finished "Distraction". Sterling is a writer whom you have to read with carefully. Lots of plots, subplots and details. Funny as hell. Starting "Holy Fire" today. Still searching for another part-time job. Ta!

Ladies and Gentlemen: It's official. The big Republican take over is in effect. Better learn the Lord's Prayer, get your flags, and prepare for the Republican onslaught. It's not gonna be fun. Especially for those of us who don't follow King Dubya's precepts. The Madness of King George indeed. Welcome to the terrordome.

I went to vote today. What a feeling! :rolleyes: It's not that we don't do that in PR right? Anyway I was listening to talk radio (the true barometer of how crazy people are) and there are reports (also published in the Drudge Report) that voting machines are fixed. As in you vote for McBride (Democrat) and guess who comes out in your ballot? Jeb! YEAH BABY! Once again FloriDUH representing. I'm telling you, it's the goddamn world that it's going out of whack. It's not me. Not this time.

As of today I have given up on the human race. I tried, I gave up. Take your lives and shove them. Deep. I odn't care anymore. Will concentrate on my music and my sorry excuse for a life. 99% of humanity isn't worth the time nor the trouble. Fuck you. The rest of you, I still love you and I need you to show some love. Badly. End of Rant.

On a side note: I' m creating lots and lots and lots of music. So anger is an energy indeed.

Finished reading "Havana" so I'm up to date in my Arkady Renko fix. Gonna read two Bruce Sterling novels and hopefully by Monday I should go back to the library to obtain more books. Need to stop by Nuria and Rafy's to pick my library card and also need to go to Stallone's. Man just thinking about that gets me hungry. Sleepless and today's gonna be real busy. Joy. ;)