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It's a sad world we live
when P. Diddy is still around
(and now he wants to make dance music)
and Jam Master Jay is gone.
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Jam Master Jay is dead and this world still brings me down with it's senseless violence. Nasty brutish and short indeed. Just to ruin Halloween. No more Christmas in Hollis, Queens. No more My Adidas. It's Not Tricky this time. Shit. *sighs* The good die young and we have to deal with the mediocrity left behind.
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this made my day yesterday.

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Met my friendly neighborhood drug dealer today. No I didn't cop anything or bought anything from him. Fella introduced himself. Yeah I know. Right next door to the rehab center. I just nodded and was on my way. I already brought my drugs of choice: Cheetos and Mystic Tropical Haze drink from the corner shop. So I can obtain my drugs, food, bus and go to rehab in a block radius.

Been reading. Lots. Finished "Red Square" and now going thru "Havana". I fell in love with Martin Cruz-Smith's novels after watching "Gorky Park" starring William Hurt ages ago. Read that and "Polar Star" a few years later. Arkady Renko is one of my favorite detectives. Along with Alex Cross, Rick Deckard and Easy Rawlins. Also borrowed two Bruce Sterling novels from the Public Library. Yeah better take advantage of it.

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Things that make you laugh. A lot.

1. Profile of a blogger. Let's face it: it's all gone mainstream. It's even in the local paper. The blog phenomenon. Man don't we have enough scandals and shit going on? The trendies can move on to the next fucking trend, leaving the rest of us to finally be able to use this. ;)

2. Now you can reach out and touch someone. Really. I love the technology curve.

3. Last but not least: This is my nomination for Moron Of The Year. Your prize will be sent shortly. Just read.

Job-Seeking Burglar Leaves Resume at Crime Scene


Oct 30, 11:02 am ET

ZURICH (Reuters) - Famous criminals have been known to leave calling cards, but one burglar in Switzerland went a step further, accidentally leaving his curriculum vitae behind after a break-in.
"His name and address were written on it and so we paid him a little visit," a spokesman for the canton of Basel police force said. "I assume he realized at some point that he had lost something and so I don't suppose he was very surprised."

The 19-year-old Hungarian was arrested on suspicion of burglary in Oberwil, near the French border, and stealing some 10,000 Swiss francs ($6,720) worth of camera equipment. A 21-year-old Swiss accomplice is also being questioned.


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I'd always thought that if I was one of the Endless, I'd be Destiny, maybe Delirium for my craziness, or perhaps Death or Destruction given their unique sense of humor about things. Good old Cheo thought otherwise. So if you know your Sandman, you should know who the picture below belongs to:



Maybe Cheo's right. I've been caught up in all this shit. Mind you, I'm working towards a solution. It's coming. Slowly. I just wish it came a bit faster.

Thanks man. So noted.
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Fear of a crazy planet.

Ok no luck in love. Hustling hours to pay the bills. Yes, it's hard, never said it would be a walk in the park. Sometimes I want to give up and return, but that is suicide. Most of the time I'm afraid I'll end up just another crazy in the street talking to myself. Heh. Sometimes you just want to escape reality, but I'd rather deal with it head on. Like they say at home: brega con eso. Superalo.

Get over it.
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10 mins before this station shuts down and 2 quick notes:

The sniper (or who the government thinks is the sniper) is captured. Of course now they want to make a case against him because he's a Muslim. But who taught this fool to shoot and to kill? Yes, Uncle Sam did. So there.

I forgot what the other 'deep thought' was. Damnit!!!!!!!!!!! Aaargh! Well I have an alternative place to logon. The Orlando Public Library. Books, cd's, dvd's, internet. What else can I want out of this city?

Aside from that, not much. Signed up to Netzero to cover my 'net fix at home. Cheap is always good. Woohoo.

So I'm off to re-devour Gibson's Virtual Light and get acquainted with Martin Cruz Smith's "Red Square". Read James Patterson's "Pop Goes The Weasel" this weekend. Great book. Alex Cross rawks. I want to read some Walter Moseley. Have an Easy Rawlins jones coming on. Strong.

Later.
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Fear and Loathing in FloriDUH!

Well I needed to get the fuck away from here. Needed some fresh air and I got an invitation to meet someone and spend the weekend in Tampa. So I took the Greyhound bus on Sat. evening hoping to get there, go to the Castle, dance my ass off and have a good time. On the terminal you see how things change after 9/11/01 and after some crazy Croat tried to slash a Greyhound bus driver's throat in Knoxville a few days after. There is an armed security guard at the terminal and he scans you and checks your luggage before going to the waiting area. Well the fucking bus driver took his time leaving the terminal so I was 20 mins. late, but I called my host and it was cool. On the way there, we make a stop in Lakeland. Cops come over with a fucking drug sniffing dog. So I guess I'm thankful I don't do drugs and don't bring any with me. My stomach was upset from the ride and I was a bit late. That was just the beginning.

I arrived and sure enough my gracious host was there. Cool. Hug. Get the stuff in the car. Go. Then the fun started. We figured out a way to get off the city. Meanwhile she goes into a bit of hysterics. We couldn't go to Ybor City to the Castle because it was Guavaween and prices went through the roof just for parking a bloody car. Still we saw the spectacle on the streets. My host was a sea of facial ticks and hysterics when we didn't made it to the road. I was thinking of ways and means to bail out, go to the station and take a bus home but I decided against it. Why? In a sick way this was entertainment. Something to tell. Not a dull moment.

Anyway after dinner we headed to her place. She has an amazing record collection. 80s stuff, synthpop, goth, industrial, etc. She leads a simple life and that's the way she wants it. No complications, no college. I respect that but no college? Oh well, to each his/her own. We listened to a lot of music and she burned off 3 cds worth of material from mine. We got drunk on rum. It was cool. Went to bed around 3 am.

Next day, we wake up. More cd burning. More music. Breakfast. Then we start talking. It's alright. At 4 pm we head for a meal and she drives me to the terminal. We watch the clock. It's 5pm when we reach the city. My bus leaves at 5. She becomes hysteric. I say
chill. if it's the same bus driver we are in luck. In a way we are in two ways: First the clocks turn back 1 hour today. So it's actually 4. There is a bus there to Orlando. The thing was that this Mexican passenger went into hysterics. Bus driver tries to reason with him. Passenger still upset. Bus driver pulls on the road and calls the cops. Cops come over to remove hysteric dude. Then the dumbass pulls a knife on them. Very bad idea. Florida state cops carry guns. Big fucking guns. And are not afraid to waste them on a dumbass who pulls a knife on them. Luckily no shots were fired. Guy was arrested and ergo, I get to leave Tampa/St. Pete an hour earlier. Woo hoo.

I come home. Tired. Working out the kinks and nervousness and getting ready to deal with my daily drudgery. I work on the Orlando Museum now, btw. It's nice. I have to deal with assholes but fortunately these assholes I can deal with.

My date thing has reinforced an opinion. As much as I love to be with someone, I still have to be picky and have my filters on. Yes I miss my ex and now she's gone. I'm not looking for a replacement or for a clone, but someone who made me feel as special as she did. That is all.

Ok back to the daily drudgery you fucks.

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Testing a new doohickeythingamajig. It's down and to the left
down and to the left
down and to the left
down and to the left
(and so on. if you get where this phrase is from, you get a prize.)

Working on new songs. They are more on the Hijos de Cain vein but hey.
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the unreality of my surroundings

i moved to a house downtown. real nice. quiet. no problem with my two roommates. one is paranoid and is not using his meds, the other one is gay (he's the owner of the house). but hey that's cool. we get along real fine. no problems with that.

the house is in front of: a liquor store, and a rehab place. god has a sense of humor. there are a few bums about, but they are harmless. a public housing project is a block down the road. no problems there either.

why am i writing about this? just observations that's all.

i'm fed up with my job and i think change is in the way. because.

met some cool people online and hopefully will see them by halloween.

aside from that i *need* a phone line. hooked up with NetZero for their ISP service. It's cheap and cheap is good.

back to the grind
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AOHell 8.0 - How Do I Hate Thee? Let me count the ways.......

Ok so here I am using AOHell while trying to sort out a high speed alternative for all of us here in the house. Being the lovely nethead that I am, I notice there's a new version. 8.0. Took me all night to download it. Next morning lo and behold slick interface and some new features. cool. Finally you can customize your browser blah blah blah. Nice little thing while we sort this out right.

It worked fine for 2 days.

For the past 2 days I haven't been able to connect and due to time constraints. So I ended up rolling back to 7.0. Fuck them and their stupid asses. I should've known better but it's free for 45 days right?

That and a stomach ache and I think I won't be able to see the Pink Dots. I was sick as a dog this morning and I don't think things would improve if I went out.

Ces't La Vie

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Well I used all that restlessness to good avail. Wrote a song. The music sounds like a cross between th' faith healers, laika and some damaged psych noise. If I can go to Rafi's house, I might record the vocals and upload it for your pleasure. The lyrics are below. Be gentle ok? Now I gotta get to work.

antartica - not meant to happen
lyrics and music jose e. roman
copyright (c) 2002 jose e. roman

the way we met
not meant to happen
your lovely smile
not meant to happen
i held your hand
not meant to happen
your eyes on mine
not meant to happen
your kiss that bliss
not meant to happen
a love like this
not meant to happen

not meant to happen (x4)

love came so fast
not meant to happen
our place at last
not meant to happen
we had a blast
not meant to happen
it wouldn't last
not meant to happen
and now you're gone
not meant to happen
this stupid song
not meant to happen

not meant to happen (x4)

it all came down
not meant to happen
we let it go
not meant to happen
no need to blame
not meant to happen
it's all the same
not meant to happen

not meant to happen....





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third time's the charm.

i've open up the windows in my room to listen to the traffic, the music, the people outside. all the noises that sorround this neighborhood and remind me that i'm not alone. not that the noises invite me to join them outside but sometime to distract me and remind me that there's a world out there. i can either choose to be in it or stay in here. there is a world outside. right now i don't feel like taking part of it. unless it's a really good invitation. ;)
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Where are you?
Where's that smile that melts me?
Where are those eyes that see straight into my soul?
Where are those addictive kisses?
Where's that warmth that I miss?
Where's the feling of touching your skin?
Where's that playful tongue?
Where's that feeling of completeness, security, tranquility, peace?
Where did it go?
I've been here all day
Thinking, pondering wondering
where you are?
Are you really out there?
Or is it all gone?
If it is, what am I doing here?
I am tembling as I write this.
Where are you?
and where does that leave me?
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Met some local Goths today at a Krispy Kreme downtown. Had a really good time. "Good times for a change". Heh. It's a process, but it's not like I haven't been here before. Dealing with the city, the sights, the sounds and a good conversation. All in all a good day. Oh and a beautiful smile to boot. So there you have it. Starting to write some new pieces. Don't know which direction they'll take but they usually sort themselves out, which reminds me I better work on those translations if I really want to get back in the ballgame.

By the way, I hate AOHell, but it will have to do for the moment. I miss broadband. Meanwhile looking forward to Saturday's show.

I haven't been able to write you about recent developments or news but I'll say this: the Beltway is slowly turning into downtown Sarajevo. I hope they catch him. A local paper is trying to figure out if the shooter is the same one responsible from some shootings in Gainesville some years ago. Scary.
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Finally moved in. It's quiet. Just the way I like it. Some interesting twists and turns but nothing I can't handle. Two days off and I'll go job hunting. Looking for something better than the usual. Upwardly moving.
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Ok since it's monday, I havent slept and I'm in a pretty shitty mood, here it comes: GO!
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It's one of those days where everything was just about wrong but I managed or instead of complaining I did something about it. It's late and i gotta work tomorrow so there.
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Hi. Still at my friend's place. Moving tomorrow. Bored as hell. Not much to say. Sorry.
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Finally. Got my own place. A room in a reconstructed house downtown. My own room upstairs. Big. Finally, my own place. It's cool. Meanwhile, if you want to hear the new album click here. Have fun!

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We interrupt Popu's Melancholy Hour for an important announcement:

antartica - continuum. out now.
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Read Zamyatyn's "We". Good book. Orwell read this and it was his inspiration for 1984. Someone should make this into a movie. My choice of directors? Aronofsky, Fincher or Terry Gilliam might pull this one off. One can only be so hopeful. I'm tired and I need sleep. I don't even want to deal with tomorrow. Not right now. Happy birthday, by the way. As if you read this anyway. :). This one's for you.

Classic Girl by Jane's Addiction

4:05; in my neighborhood, when shots go off, no one bothers.
A 'POP,' and a reply 'POP,' and no reply...
Dinosaurs on the quilt I wore with a girl.
Such a classic girl...
Such a classic girl...
Such a classic girl, gives her man great ideas.
Hears you tell your friends,
'Hey man, listen to my great idea!'
It's true I am a villain when you fall ill,
that's probably because men never can be.
Not like a girl.
A classic girl...
Such a classic girl...
They may say, 'Those were the days...,'
but in a way, you know for us these are the days.
Yes, for us these are the days, and you know you're my girl!
Such a classic girl...
Such a classic girl...
Yeah for us these are the days...
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Work is alright. Goes fast. Some stress due to the learning curve but it's nothing I can't handle. Thank god it goes fast so I can take care of things.

Certain birthdays are coming up and I'm a bit blue. Sent postcards to the concerned parties. Just to let them know. Just to let them show that I still care. I expect no replies from them. Still.....

Anyway here is one of my favorite songs from the Wolfgang Press' excellent Birdwood Cage album.

RAINTIME (Allen/Cox/Gray)
Published by Beggars Banquet Music Ltd and Momentum Music Ltd.
(P) & (C) 1988 4AD

Disturbing the old times, the gift of science
Lots of back washing and sticks of paper
Sticks of paper lighting the way
If you find you don't know where your going
It's in the bush, it's in the trees
I'm gonna run round there twice
It's too quick, it's too late
It's much too quick and it's far too late

I'm rolling away
And I'm rolling away, and I'm rolling away for the last time
And I'm hauling away, and I'm hauling away
Too many things left unsaid
And I'm rolling away, and I'm rolling away
Somebody here is talking
And I'm hauling away, and I'm hauling away,
Somebody here is sober

Somebody here is older
Macbeth times 2
A lazy suit and bloody hands
Come taste your faith in every street
The sound of money just kissed me in the face
My trousers aren't the right size
I go straight to pocket
Take one step up and back to business
My mind is closed so my body speaks
My mind is clothed, my body squeaks

And I'm rolling away, and I'm rolling away
And I'm facing my only true smile
And I'm hauling away, and I'm hauling away
Somebody there is calling
So I'm rolling away, I'm rolling away
A sound of time is talking
And I'm hauling away, and I'm hauling away
This party here is too loud

Nobody knows what clothes they're wearing
Nobody knows which road is the white one
So here we go holding up the motion
You raise your hopes, you raise your chin
You raise your glass with nothing in it

It's a momentary lapse, a common habit
Support your faith with this party face, and party pieces,
And with their party faces, and party people
With their powdered faces

Just rolling away, just rolling away, just rolling away,
Just rolling...
Raintime, raintime, raintime...

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I want to be with you
because I want to
not because of a paper
nor a ring
nor the ties
nor what everyone else thinks
expects or wants

I want to be with you
because there's no one
I'd rather be with
not because I'm afraid
of being alone

I want to be with you
because you complete me
because you bring me joy
love, friendship and more

I want to be with you
because I love you

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Will I Dream? - The Sisters Of Mercy

something will happen here
I can feel it
on the howling edge of pink and white and blue
something, right here
I can feel it
and now it's just too real to
still believe in you

and will I ...dream?
when it's over will I dream?

when it's over will I?
when it's happened will I?
when it's over will I dream?

something is happening here
I can feel it
on the howling edge of pink and white and baby -
will I ...dream?
when it's over will I dream?

when it's over will I?
when it's happened will I?
when it's over will I dream?

something has happened here
I can feel it
on the howling edge of pink and white and steely blue
something, right here
I can feel it
and now it's just too real
to will belief in you

and will I ...dream?
when it's over will I dream?

when it's over will I?
when it's happened will I?
when it's over will I dream?

© 1997. Words by Andrew Eldritch, Music by Adam Pearson and Mike Varjak.
Lyrics reproduced by kind permission of EMI Music Publishing Ltd. All rights reserved.
Not yet released on record.
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This one reflects my state of mind on Mondays but I dont know, just in case you had a bad day or you feel like saying something special to the rest of the world. Here it is:



Ah! I feel so much better now! Don't you?
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People ask me why don't I apply for a regular job at a publication instead of being a freelancer. Well, I don't want this to happen to me, like it happened to a friend of mine. If you thought the Macarena was bad.... Ayayay.....

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Ok back to the grind. Training, tests, yadda yadda. I'm still testing this state of being. Mind you, I don't mind living on my own again, but I'm still on the transitional period and I don't want to upset my hosts. I need my own space and I'm working on it. Don't mind renting a room somewhere. I might consider going back to Nashville or at least somewhere where I know I can make more money. Still, concentrating on the moment at hand.

I miss talking to you. At least that bring a smile to my face the fact that we acknowledge each other's presence with a quick message. It's cool. We are busy. We got lives outside the 'net. That keeps me going.

Note to self = How to avoid a guilt trip = do NOT buy the ticket. So what's done is done. Move on. Move forward. The best is yet to come.